Came across this story in a forces publication that proves some bureaucrats do have a sense of humour........... Lump sum for long service A recent story on the Army Rumour Service website followed an exchange between Lt Col Robert McLaren, who retired in 2001 after a long career. So long, that the letter he received from the Army Paymaster setting out the terms of his tax-free ‘lump sum’ award, based on his completed years of service, stated: “You retired from the Royal Scots Dragoon Guards on 1st March 2001 at the rank of Lt Colonel, having been commissioned into the British Army at Edinburgh Castle as a 2nd Lieutenant on 1st February 1366.” Notwithstanding this uniquely long period of service, his lump sum was only calculated as £68,500. He wrote back pointing out the error and calculating that his lump sum, based on more than 635 years of service, should have been £6,427,586.47. The reply to his letter confirmed that his 635 years’ service did attract the lump sum calculated by Lt Col McLaren, but there was a rider: “According to our records you are the only surviving officer who had command responsibility during the following campaigns and battles: • The Wars of the Roses 1455-1485 (Including the battles of Bosworth Field, Barnet and Towton) • The Civil War 1642 -1651 (including the battles Edge Hill, Naseby and the conquest of Ireland) • The Napoleonic War 1803-1815 (including the battle of Waterloo and the Peninsular War) • The Crimean War (1853-1856) (including the battle of Sevastopol and the Charge of the Light Brigade) • The Boer War (1899 -1902). We therefore wish to know what happened to the following, which do not appear to have been returned to stores by you on completion of operations: • 9,765 cannon • 26,785 swords • 12,889 pikes • 127,345 rifles (with bayonets) • 28,987 horses (fully kitted) • Three complete marching bands with instruments and banners. We have calculated the cost of these items amounts to £6,427,518.119.47. We have therefore subtracted this sum from your lump sum, leaving a residual amount of £68,500, for which you will receive a cheque in due course.”
