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101 Uses For A Dead Cat

Discussion in '☋ Dumaguete City ☋' started by davfitz, Mar 30, 2009.

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  1. davfitz

    davfitz DI Forum Adept

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    OK, I inflated the count by one hundred just to get your attention. This thread is inspired by a current one on the unwanted attention of sales staff at Lee Superplaza.

    It reminded me of another "get even" thread that I've wanted to post for quite some time. Here goes.

    Are you ever annoyed at the vexatious way you are required to deposit for safekeeping any bag, knapsack or container whatsoever before entering Lee's emporium? At the same time have you ever read the conditions under which your items are stored? Ever want to get even?

    If so, here's my plan. It also kills more than one bird with a single stone. I live in a neighbourhood of singularly ugly dogs and particularly bold cats. I have an attitude of tolerance to the former and an increasing distaste for the latter The cats have the genetic marker of all being orange and white. While I can't prove
    ownership, of the offending feline population, they seem to be particularly tolerated on an adjoining property.

    Bold? These cats are bold! Big ones. Small ones. At all hours of the day and night. They exercise particular delight, it seems, in promenading through my dirty kitchen - particularly along the top of its boundary wall. They terrorize our small caged birds. They seem to enjoy doing so. I've purchased a couple of rat traps and installed same along their usual paths of recreational promenade. I've yet to discover the effective bait to use, so I'm empty handed to date. Eventually, I will succeed and get me a cat. Then what to do with the body? There's the catch.

    I could simply chuck it back over the fence to the property on which it belongs. I could put it out with the trash. Unfortunately both might identify me as the cat murderer and expose me to the wrath and revenge of my offended neighbours. What to do? What to do?

    Eureka! I have it! I will give the murdered cats to Mr. Lee for his safekeeping. I'll simply wrap each demised feline into a parcel and check it at the courtesy booth of the Superplaza. As this process is anonymous, no one will know of my crime. Je! Je! Je!. I'll keep the tag for creating added consternation. The next day, I'll deposit the tag somewhere obvious in the store where it will be certain to be found. Imagine the added joy when an enthusiasticemployee returns the lost tag to the courtesy booth.

    This is the rough outline. I solicit your embellishments, critiques and suggestions for improvement.

    Revenge is a dish best served cold! I don't get mad, Mr. Lee, I get even.
     
  2. daffs

    daffs DI Forum Adept

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  3. Mam A

    Mam A DI Member

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    There are stray cats in my neighborhood and they are very annoying. I have heard stories that siopao is made of cat, dog or rat meat. Ugh. I do like to enjoy a siopao sometimes and so I hope none of this is true! There has to be a good creative way of getting rid of these stray cats. With the ever increasing mounds of trash everywhere in the city, these animals are thriving well. Ugh
     
  4. dumaguetenia

    dumaguetenia DI Forum Adept

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    ....i don't think so that those cats around the town have enough meat for the siopao :D , mine could be :wink:
     

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  5. Rarity54f

    Rarity54f DI Forum Adept

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    That is a very good observation of said store. Yes, they treat everyone there like criminals. I also shared a friend's bad experience in that store.
     
  6. Rhoody

    Rhoody DI Forum Luminary

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    so they treat me correct... the gwapas are hiding and the ones with the weapons are hunting me. wish it would be the other way around...
     
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