A girl (18 years old) has been chatting online to a foreigner (mid-40s) for a couple months (since before she was 18). He made a trip to the Philippines to ask the father for permission to marry the daughter in December. He brought plenty of gifts, and expensive ones at that, to "woo" the family into a "yes". What all "gifts" or promises were included I don't know, nor do I want to know. The gifts apparently got the job done as everyone (including my gf, which I am furious about) is ok with the two complete strangers getting married in a couple months. He will be out of country until the marriage happens in December....meaning they have spent less than a week (3 days to be exact) together in person before this marriage will happen. Insanity regardless of age/cultural differences! My problem with this. The girl, my gf's sister, is a good, but naive girl. I don't agree with the marriage and I think it is a horrible idea, nothing good will come from it. I think at the very least they should date for, at least, a year so they can spend some time to get to know each other, and that time should be spent in Dumaguete (not my house where she currently lives). Unfortunately my hands are tied: I know better than to get in the way of a families potential cash cow and they aren't all that fond of me anyways because I don't dish out gifts like this guy has. I am already taken a beating from my girlfriend for telling her that it is a huge mistake. I don't really care if he was "a cool guy" or not. This popped up out of nowhere (My gf and I didn't even know the sister had a "bf" until last week). There is something wrong about this and I know it is going to end in disaster. First thing I want to do when I hear about a 40 year old man wishing to rush into a marriage with an 18 year old girl is check the sex offender lists. The only thing I think I can get away with doing is cutting off her sister's salary and saying that if her fiance is serious he can pay her share of the rent and food.....but even that has its risks. Then again, that's just going to make me come off as cheap and spiteful (I could give a crap less about the girl being my helper, that's entirely not the point). I'm at a loss here. I really think my only option is to sit back, smile, and watch it happen.
Wrye, I would agree that it does sound a bit off. Had the wife read the post and she agrees it is way too fast. I'm in my mid 40's and would think it would be pretty difficult to find something in common with an 18 year old; not to say that it can't work as there are many folks in successful relationships that have a much larger age difference. How quickly it happened would put up some red flags for me as well. Does the guy plan to relocate to the Philippines or take her to his country? I think most of us realize that many folks consider getting a foreigner into the family will increase their wealth/status. It is sad, but a fact of life with many folks in poverty that getting a foreigner is perceived as a way out. I think most guys can figure out pretty quickly if their wife/her family is that way, but there are guys that are definitely bad. My wife has a cousin that get's mistreated/beat up by a foreigner; even if front of her father and no one says a thing (except gossip) as he is seen as one to bring money into the family and increase their quality of life. I've also seen a sister in law or 2 show up with bruises from the Filipino husband, so difficult to judge as the wife tells me how one of her sisters is up for grabbing knifes. Some crazy stories. Not knowing your GF or her family I can only see things in a general sense and unless you see it costing you stress and/or money I would just sit back; it is sometimes hard to understand the mind set here (IMHO). Shawn
It's not about money or stress. I lose nothing by her sister marrying this guy. I have known her sister for some time now and I want the best for her. After arguing with the gf for about 30 minutes about it and getting nowhere I just got fed up and said to never bring the subject up around me again. Really ticks me off they will just wh*re out their daughter for money/gifts. And I'm not too pleased that my girlfriend was very much against it until she got a nice gift and now he is the most awesome guy in the world. A real eye opener for me....not happy about it one bit. I think I'm more pissed at my gf for being paid off more than anything. I find it completely unacceptable. Oh well, I'm pretty sure there will be some road blocks that will get overlooked, I will give no warnings of such things and hope that the marriage blows the tires while doing 300kph over said speed bump.
Funny, Google ads above the thread: "Florida Simple Divorces...Attorney Serving Southern Florida - Starting at $450 plus court costs."
Considering that many foreigners complain that somebody wants to come over here, get the wife's sister knocked up, then leave; I think this may not be the problem you think it is. The guy may just be a romantic. Yes its fast (marry in haste - regret at leisure) but it may just turn out that the glass is half full.
Human trafficking is a real thing and I worry about that for her. I'd rather be safe than sorry when it comes to a young, "inexperienced", girl talk of marriage with a magical man that appeared out of nowhere. I think there are going to be issues they overlook. An 18 year old girl and an inexperienced expat no nothing of the hurdles they are going to face just to tie the knot. Any questions directed towards me will have them running the wrong way down a one way.
I hear you, I think you have more time on the ground here than me so you will have heard and seen a bit more on the odd situations. I remember awhile back, walking through the market a couple young girls (18-19) came up to my wife and asked a question all giggly (I only have a hand full of words figured out so far) and the wife was a bit pissed. I asked her what they said and she said they asked how they can get one of "them". Them was a "foreigner". I was pissed as I do not like being a "them" and I think it was very disrespectful to talk to my wife like that. She was actually telling me to make no big deal out of it (she is the one to kick taxis and yell at drivers if they tried to overcharge us in Manila) so I normally follow her advice. She is smart enough to choose the battles. Maybe the guy is straight up. I knew I wanted to spend my life with Cherry after 3 months, but we did spend time face to face both in the village and travelling, this was with monthly visits (I was working in Korea at the time so a short flight). As I don't know the gifts the guy brought in only makes it a bit more difficult to give an opinion. Shawn
You are 100% straight on that, have one sister in law that she found "true love" in Dubai, actually talked to the guy and knew he was BS (kicked her out when she was staying with us as she figured I would pay for her trip and visa there). I knew from talking to him that she would be in a bad situation...funny what they post. I have so many stories in just 6 years with the wife of coming back and forth here...not to mention what I've seen in my almost 45 years on this earth. It is good with your concerns for her, I have another sister in law that I will help send abroad...she wants it and her Filipino husband is worthless; difficult for us but we both have a weakness for kids. I worry a lot about her and her husband will have to go back to his place and leave the kids with the grandparents...that will be the only way it can work. Shawn
I guess my question would be of what nationality is the "Magic Man"? I know from my own experience, it will not be an easy task to bring your G/F's sister to the U.S. for example. A Spousal Visa is not a slam dunk to obtain, simply being married. I am 62 & aking Asawa is close within a few years(depending on which day you ask her). She is a self sufficient business woman, clear NBI etc. and it's been almost four years now and still we wait. I have a notion the "Shine" will wear off if they are not totally commited to eachother, a rather difficult thing to accomplish in such a short whirlwind romance.
Well after communications online they have met. This guy has convinced her, her family and your GF wrye who I am sure is not stupid. At least this Guy knows that she is 18, legal and above board . Many find that their online partners have children or worse. December is still a few months away so things might change. I hope all goes well.. I have heard 1/2 your age plus 4 minimum should be a good guide for best chances of a successful younger/older relationship but what do I know ? ( Only 10 ? Yrs out ) (48 ? 1/2=24 + 4 =28 -10 =18 For Tom )
