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Importanat question need help

Discussion in 'Dumaguete City' started by robcameron321@gmail.com, Aug 31, 2014.

  1. robcameron321@gmail.com

    robcameron321@gmail.com DI Junior Member

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    I am coming to Dumaguete next week and have a problem with my plan.. My Dad who is 92 and has Alzheimer's was living with me for the past 3 years.. i came to Colorado from Florida in March to set my father up here at my sisters as she has been asking to be with him for the past year..Now however after being with him for a few months she is unable to cope with him and has put him in an assisted living facility.. it is nice but he is unhappy and now i am getting ready to leave.. I do not like leaving him here knowing this will be the last few months he has of any awareness and he will be unhappy.. No matter what any of us do I know where he is headed.. but what I am considering is to bring him with me.. I know what the disease will be like.. and I have been with him for the past 3 years..SO.. this is my question..
    Could I find a decent one floor air conditioned 3 or 4 bedroom home in or near the city where I could hire a full time live in nurse and some other help for her to manage.. on a budget of around $5,000 US a month.. he can walk with a cane and some help for a few hundred yards.. otherwise he is fairly healthy.. he still has the ability to get to know a new person if he sees them continuously.. but not really able to socialize in general.. this next year he will deteriorate rapidly and probably be bed ridden by next year.. he will need to be fed and bathed at home like a nursing home.. I asked this question once but got very little response.. now I really need some input.. once there it would be very hard to reverse course.. Thanks for any and all info and input..
     
  2. tomtorific

    tomtorific DI Senior Member

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    My first question to you is do you think he can handle the travel? It's a long haul and can be grueling. I know when I fly from Fla to Phils it takes alot outta me. Combine the confinement on the flight with the time change. And unfortunately one week is not near enough time to make the arrangements you need.If he is already being taken care of now, come get settled and go back for him. I hope others here have more in terms of answers. Good Luck.
     
  3. Rye83

    Rye83 with pastrami Admin Secured Account Highly Rated Poster SC Connoisseur Veteran Army

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    I thought I replied to this last time you asked and said it was a bad idea. Maybe I didn't reply so I will say it this time: It's a bad idea. The Philippines is not a country for the disabled or people needing constant medical care.

    CAN it be done? Sure. It certainly isn't advised though.

    Just curious: Is that $5,000 budget for you and him or just for him? If it is both of you it will probably be a tight budget.
     
  4. baltoed

    baltoed DI Forum Adept

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    I very recently returned from two months with my father.. just like yours..one year older..and angry man.. I took him to his home so that he could have some time away from my brother and his wife. And it was all I could do to get him to leave his house he verbally disowned me.. among other things...a very bad time. I knew again no matter what he says he still loves me inside his heart and that I love him..but we faught..it ..just bad.. Anyway.. you love your father..trust that you made the best decision for him..and his health that he remain there. I know what it is to leave.. I said goodbye forever 5 times now. I know leaving him was the correct choice.. he hates living with my brother and his wife... he too is almost constant care and hard on my sister in law.. You only other choice is put your life on hold and stay there with him til he passes on..you just watch. I placed my life on hold for eleven years.. Tough choices but one of the picks should not be bring him here. When he will have a problem.and he will have problems..you will be knowing how really bad choice of bringing him here was. You will have worse guilt than any other choice you make.. Good luck..Its very hard to leave..
     
  5. OP
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    robcameron321@gmail.com

    robcameron321@gmail.com DI Junior Member

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    Thanks.. and yes you were i think the only reply.. and the budget is just for him.. I was thinking $5,000 would be plenty.. he just needs a nursing companion.. not really any medical care per say... he mostly likes to sit and watch the world go by.. and have someone to talk to .. keep him company.. play a game or some cards.. eventually he will get more disabled and then only probably stay in bed.. need to have meals in bed and washed.. I thought i could hire a nurse full time live in for around $800 to $1,000 / month.. house maybe $1500 / month.. food around $800/ month.. ?.meds maybe $1,200. that is at $4,500.. USD ? but you sure know better then me what that life would be like there...? I sure do not want to get him in a worse situation.. it is just so hard to leave him here sitting in an assisted living place all by himself most of the time.,.. he already has gotten very depressed and unhappy in just 2 weeks there.. here he will get very good medical care and live like a vegetable for probably a few extra years then he might in the Philippines. but that would be a blessing in my opinion.. ? Its is a choice of sitting here all alone or sitting there and see me a lot of the time.. then after a while being bedridden here or bedridden there..? but there may be a lot more trouble there then I am aware of since i have not been there..? Thanks for your thoughts..
     
  6. OP
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    robcameron321@gmail.com

    robcameron321@gmail.com DI Junior Member

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    Thanks .. your experience means a lot to me.. and I suppose you are right.. i suppose with this disease there is just no good scenario.. and only to pick the best of the bad choices.. thanks again..
     
  7. Rye83

    Rye83 with pastrami Admin Secured Account Highly Rated Poster SC Connoisseur Veteran Army

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    I think it will be a worse situation for him. Good helpers and nurses are hard to find. Even if you find a good one there is no telling how long they will stay and many just up and quit or don't show up for work on some days without any warning. With someone that needs constant attention you are going to be hard pressed to find a nurse willing to deal with the level of stress that Alzheimer's puts on a person. (I've had a grandfather and gandmother both go through that and it is taxing on a person to constantly deal with that.)

    I don't know the price of a live in nurse but I suspect it would be around $300-600 per month. (I would suggest having a helper as well to handle the cleaning and cooking. That would cost you an additional $30-50 a month.) Rent for a house would be around $200-$400 a month. Running air conditioning all-day-every-day (something I suspect an elderly man with Alzheimer's would appreciate) will likely run you around $200-$300 a month. I spent around $200 a month for food for my girlfriend, her sister and myself. I have a pretty simple diet though. I know Alzheimer's can make a person an extremely picky eater so it might run you a bit more to keep enough in stock and to take waste into consideration. For meds, who knows, some meds are much cheaper and others much more expensive. It would be wise to check if his prescriptions are even available. If one needs to be switched out for something else you will then need to make sure that the new medication doesn't conflict with a current one he has. (My grandmother had to spend a week in the hospital just to get her medications lined up and make sure they didn't conflict with each other.)

    I really don't think that it's a good idea though. Your father is bound to need medical assistance and it just isn't available in the Philippines. Yeah, you could fly up to Manila and get good medical care but in case of emergencies you won't be able to do that. Not to mention that traveling with a person suffering from Alzheimer's can be a nightmare. The pollution in the Philippines will have an adverse effect on his health as well. Bringing him to the Philippines is almost certain to shorten his life.
     
  8. Rye83

    Rye83 with pastrami Admin Secured Account Highly Rated Poster SC Connoisseur Veteran Army

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    Another thing with the medications....you might want to take into consideration, and become familiar with, the phrase, "out of stock, sir". I would recommend that if you come here you come with at least a 6 month supply of any essential medications as you cannot count on ANY business to keep a reliable inventory from day to day. (I have known of bars that regularly ran out of beer and liquor.)

    You need to remember that the Philippines chews up and spits out perfectly healthy foreigners on a regular basis. Many come thinking it's a place they would like....many even stick around for years.....but most end up running away with their tails between their legs. Bringing an elderly man with Alzheimer's here and expecting him to adapt to the country is, in all honesty, a very cruel thing to do.
     
  9. redneck

    redneck DI Forum Adept

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    Speaking as a nurse, and having lived here with a sick spouse for 5 years, please don't do it to him (it would be cruel) or yourself!! Now, my situation was different, we didn't have to hire help and this was my husband's "home", so it worked for us. Your father is much to old and sick. It is never a good idea to move Alzheimer's patients, much less to a foreign country. Leave him be, and you either wait, or come without him.
     
  10. PatO

    PatO DI Forum Luminary Highly Rated Poster Showcase Reviewer Veteran Marines

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    I can tell you Dumaguete is not a handicap-friendly city. Handicap parking is not strictly enforced and wheelchairs here are small, uncomfortable, and don't last. The best hospital here operates a clinic to see a specialist and you may have over an hour plus wait. As previously mentioned, out of stock medications are often a problem. Getting dependable help is a crap shoot.
    You have a heart wrenching decision to make but I believe you and your father would have more pain than gain if you move him here.
    You also would have to deal with visas for you and him. Maybe other countries in Central America might offer a better alternative. Bringing him to this remote Island is just not a good idea. Please see forum member Redneck, a nurse, experienced point of view.
    You have difficult decisions to make so wishing you the best going forward.
     
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