⌛ in laws/relatives living close to them

I have been reading all the threads and my question is weather it would be better to live close to my wifes family or farther away (another island) to slow the requests for financial help. I don't mind helping in a real emergency but not every week. And would it even help to live further away from her family?

 

every week wont be enough. If you are close they move in faster than the speed of light. :-)

you will find out how many real emergencies will occur, from dead chicken to a minimum of 17 uncles in the hospital and 38 cousins and sisters who need urgently money for school :-)

nah I am joking... It is great to be in a big family as a human white wallet...

 

The further away you live the better and bigger the emergencies come.. They know its difficult for you to check up on the stories

 

you mean to say the 15.000 Peso tuititon - fee I paid for the family-karabow to finish highschool in a remote Island close to Tawi Tawi has somthing fishy with it

 

Well it really depend to you and your wife. You must just learn to say NO. co'z even you move to another Island still your in laws and relative will contact your wife and asked financial help and best thing to do also is to tall your wife to talk her relative and in laws that you work hard for that money also. Just something like that.. just let your wife talk to them..ok!?
I hope that help..

 

The above is right, after all you are part of the family also. You don't have to live in the same barrios but not too far away that the distance is just going to be an added expense should you or your wife really be needed unless you and your wife are going to cut off ties completely, good luck to that. You have to use judgement concerning where you need to help and with what. They were surviving before you got there and now you must learn to survive also.

 

This has a delightful positive aspect as well. I'm a little reluctant to post the following as some cynics here might take it the wrong way. I'll do it anyway to show the bright side of having family in the Philippines.

Shortly after my marriage, a familiar face presents itself at my doorstep. One of our wedding sponsors, very upset and with a mug in her hand. We had presented souvenir mugs with our photos on them to each wedding guest. Tea was quickly made and the tale spilled out.

The woman needed money: 40K to be exact. It was to pay her son's hospital bill in order that he could be released. The family was NOT in need. It was after hours and they did NOT have access to their bank account. They needed cash - now! Could I help. I immediately found my bicycle and departed for the ATM, leaving our son in charge of entertaining and calming his tita.

Here is the best part. We were newly installed here and she had neither our address nor our cell phone number. She had the photo mug and knew that we lived along the Colon Extension - someplace. She started at the far end and showed the mug, each time seeking the foreigner. Our neighbours, many of whom we did not yet know, guided her to our door.

What faith this woman had! What love for her son!

I returned with the cash. The bill was paid. The son was sprung. The loan was promptly repaid.

In laws? Close by? We should all be so blessed! I certainly am.

Bring them on. We are all family here.

 

"In laws? Close by? We should all be so blessed! I certainly am.

Bring them on. We are all family here."


If you have good, honest, working, God fearing in laws you ARE certainly blessed!

The problem is that they are not all that way, unfortunately. Thank God mine fit my above description!

What works wonders though, for all the rest of the "relatives", is that if it's not life or death I offer to pay 1/2 and they MUST pay the other 1/2. Show me the other 1/2 and if your story checks out I'll gladly pay the other 1/2. The requests trickled down too a minimum after that! It is amazing what was once considered necessary is now unnecessary if they have to pay 1/2!! This has also changed their "spend all you have as fast as you get it" mentality to more of a saving for a rainy day mentality too. My wife has explained to them that what is an "emergency" to them is not necessarily an emergency to us! She is a great "gatekeeper"!

They are 2+ hours away and it suits us just fine. Close enough for get togethers, but far enough away for some peace.

 

Good for you. These days I don't even want my girlfriend close by.

 

If my wife's family is in Dumaguete , I will live in Cebu, at least you would not be pestered with concocted problems on a daily basis, and you would need to be firm to say no to every make believe pitiful stories, it's frustrating, I have heard these stories many many times with different versions until it ended like the story of the boy who cried wolf.
Everytime I visit our relatives in the Dumaguete it's like you are either the red cross or running for mayor:D
I ended up staying in Manila or Cebu for peace of mind.