Dumaguete Info Search


Meeting a Good woman

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Forum' started by Tom_A, Apr 20, 2011.

  1. Tom_A

    Tom_A DI Member Showcase Reviewer

    Messages:
    54
    Trophy Points:
    81
    Ratings:
    +0 / 0
    I'm aware that many people come to the Philippines for, basically 3 or 4 reasons, it is a good dive site, the cost of living is very reasonable, the pace of live is different, the people are kind, and possibly the biggest reason for the majority of people, would possibly be the availability of available women in the Philippines. If I'm wrong about my opinions on this, then I'd be pleased to have someone correct me or to add to my list. Now, getting down to my question. How does someone meet a compatible person? How did the people who are with a partner, find that partner, and what are some of the things I need to look out for. Is there anyway to avoid the pitfalls and mistakes that some of you may have encountered, or do I just jump off the plane, and throw my clothes in a corner and go out and hit on every women walking alone that I want? Don't be shy with your answers, and don't be embarrassed from your mistakes, because, after all, that is sometimes the fun or interesting parts of life.
     
  2. SurfinUSA

    SurfinUSA DI Senior Member

    Messages:
    548
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Ratings:
    +2 / 0
    You wont find one sitting around your favorite hang out. You need to get out and roam around enjoying the island as you do. I found my wife when I was out in a spot off the beaten path in Cebu I otherwise wouldn't have normally been in one day.
     
  3. Pedro

    Pedro DI Senior Member Showcase Reviewer Veteran Navy

    Messages:
    847
    Trophy Points:
    179
    Occupation:
    Programmer, Photographer and Web Developer
    Location:
    Florida and Dumaguete
    Ratings:
    +73 / 5
    Ah yes, meeting that good woman. If you want to avoid pitfalls you first need to learn a little about the customs of the country you are going to be making your selection in. It may not be healthy to try and hit on every woman you think you should. Most women here come from big families if you get my drift. The girls may be friendly but the familiy may not be, hence that sage advice of a fellow DI'er, find one that is an orphan! Since most are not orphans you have work to do depending on how seriously you are looking for a partner.

    My method was to take my time and to choose carefully. I corresponded with my future wife for over a year before we even discussed marriage. And when I say corresponded I do mean with snail mail and written words, no texting, email, or even chatting. This type of relationship I feel allowed us to learn what was really important to each other and to give us time to know what each of us valued. I feel this method worked well for us and I know I have made an excellent choice. I got a fantastic mom, great cook and life-long companion.

    Times have changed but values should not is what I believe. Keep an open mind, their culture is completely different than yours. Be as honest as possible and you should be happy. And remember the words of a really great song, "only fools rush in."

    That's my perspective, thanks for asking.
     
  4. dodong

    dodong DI Member

    Messages:
    100
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Ratings:
    +3 / 0
    If you are Christian, find a church that suits you and meet people there.
    If you aren't Christian, find an agency to volunteer with. There are plenty.
    Avoid the boulevard.
    The best way to meet women is indirectly. Make friends with a lot of people. You won't need to ask anyone's help. The subject of romance is sure to come up. Your new friends will ask about your status, probably in the first minute of conversation. When they find out you're single and open to the idea of meeting someone, they'll have someone to suggest.
    To avoid blind dates, use facebook. So when your new friends suggest someone, you can ask to join their facebook. Then you and the woman in question can check each other out on fb first. First "dates" shouldn't even be dates. Better to meet in groups, with the mutual friends. That way they'll be less shy to interact. If that goes well, ask for their cell # if they haven't already asked yours. Then you can move on to the actual dating.
    Might seem slow and cumbersome, but it's my opinion of the best way.
    If you aren't interested in marriage, be sure to let them know.
    If you are interested in marriage, you should join my fb. I'm back in the states now, and many of my friends in Dumaguete asked me to get them a guy. :-)
     
  5. Manzanita

    Manzanita DI Forum Patron

    Messages:
    1,221
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Ratings:
    +14 / 0
    Join "My Space"!

    And fill up that appointment book!

    Happy huntin'!
     
  6. Manzanita

    Manzanita DI Forum Patron

    Messages:
    1,221
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Ratings:
    +14 / 0
    I know a guy that just travels around the islands visiting the chicks he met on that site.

    He happy fellow!
     
  7. SurfinUSA

    SurfinUSA DI Senior Member

    Messages:
    548
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Ratings:
    +2 / 0
    But the ones online usually have had other guys showing up before you. So wear a raincoat..
     
  8. Kojak

    Kojak DI Forum Adept

    Messages:
    308
    Trophy Points:
    94
    Ratings:
    +47 / 2
    To find "the" right partner is no easy task ANYWHERE in the world..... take things slow.... in some ways it is even harder in the Philippines not because there is a shortage of beautiful women.....but because there is a huge surplus..... There are over 280K more women than men.....
    The culture is different.... and sometimes the women will tolerate your bad habits because life with you is better than starving without you.....
    It is not as easy as walking up and hooking up..... you need compatibility......open communication..... similar values..... getting to know the REAL person

    A friend of mine married a beautiful woman..... took her around the world....Paris.....London.....Los Angeles... bought land ....created businesses..... built several homes..... last month she walked out on him with her American lover.....who drives a public bus..... and lives in an apartment

    Take it slow.....be sure she is the right one..... you go too fast and it hurts a long time
     
  9. derivative_guru

    derivative_guru DI Senior Member

    Messages:
    551
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Ratings:
    +11 / 1
    Go slow! Don't jump into a serious relationship right away...try to set a goal...say one year before you will allow yourself to become serious with a girl. And definitely do not marry a girl that you have known for less than a year.

    Meeting girls will be very easy...now, meeting the kind of girl YOU want, might take a little more effort and time. That's why you should take your time to see what is really out there. Facebook is good...I think even better than the dating sites because a lot of dating site members are 'professional' chatters (they get their chatmates to send them money to "pay for their internet", etc....of course, they have 50 chatmates doing the same thing...) also there are a lot of ladyboys and just complete con artists on the dating sites. So, Facebook is better, but remember, it is not a dating site so don't expect that a girl you meet there will be interested to meet you right away...you have to take time to get to know her.

    I find that a lot of foreign guys spend years here and almost never meet real filipinas. The ones roaming the boulevard or the disco, trying to be picked up are desperate girls who usually come from difficult situations and likely carry a lot of baggage. (Drug and/or alcohol issues...illegitimate children...desperate poverty, etc.) Some guys think this is the norm because that is all they ever meet, but there are tons of girls who are working hard and/or studying hard who come from good families and those girls are NOT out wondering the boulevard or casing discos.

    When you do find one to be serious with, remember what they say in the Philippines, "You don't just marry the girl, you marry the family." Get to know her family as soon as you decide to become serious with her. Because if you are not compatible with her family, you need to look for another girl. This point cannot be emphasized enough. Most guys with problems either pick the wrong kind of girl from the beginning and/or they have serious conflicts with her family.

    As someone suggested above, once you make friends here, you will have plenty of people introducing girls to you. (Assuming you are a well-behaved, good guy.) Associate with good people and they will know plenty of good girls...this is a great way to meet girls because then you have a mutual friend in common and they will know her background, family, etc.

    Good luck, enjoy yourself and most importantly, go slow!

    P.S. Any girl who pressures you to marry immediately is almost certainly doing so for the wrong reasons.
     
  10. SurfinUSA

    SurfinUSA DI Senior Member

    Messages:
    548
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Ratings:
    +2 / 0
    I know good guys having conflicts with their wife's family. The need to get along should be as much on her family as on the husband. Depending on her background, you may be dealing with family members who just aren't on the same page as a Western guy. (Ask me how I know?)

    Anyway, we got married within a few months of meeting; met in January-married in April. We just celebrated 10 years of marriage, she's lived and worked in the US for a number of years without it going bad just because she was in the US.

    But, I waited for the right person. I knew plenty of girls in Cebu but didn't rush off and get married to the first ones I met. Actually I wasn't here to get married, but Miss Right walked by that day, and that was it.
     
Loading...