Well all of you good folk out there I must tell you that last Wednesday The Freak nearly ended his pitiful life, but thanks to a smart arse foreigner he is still with us. I (The Freak that is)was sitting at the bar at Flip Flops gazing into my glass of beer when this foreigner built like a country sh*t house, and covered in tattoo`s sat down next to me, picked up my glass of beer and drank the whole lot, then slammed the glass onto the bar and glared at me, whilst snarling in my face. As soon as it dawned on me of what happened I started to cry like a baby, (yes folks you are hearing right) and in between sobs I asked him ,why did he drink my beer? He replied that he was looking for a fight, and decided to pick one with me, but he was taken back when I burst out in tears, and he told me to be a man and to stick up for my rights. By this time I was a blubbering mess, but I was able to control myself for a minute, and I said to him, hey "moving pictures" I will tell you why I am crying. It all started this morning when I woke up only to find a note addressed to me on my pillow from my missus. It read .... my dear Freak(That`s me) after fifteen years of living with you, and getting nowhere fast I have decided to leave you for another. OK I thought, but reading further on she said that she was leaving me ..... wait for it, she was leaving me for a bloody SHEMALE, and then she went on to say that she swings both ways ( not that I ever knew) and that she was getting both male, and female for the price of one. After I calmed down from the shock, I went to the fridge to crack a tinny, but no bloody beer, she cleaned all of the food out, beer and all. So I walked outside to make a phone call for a home delivery of grog, and just when I thought that things could not get any worst I found my dog stone dead in the driveway, poisoned. (the b*tch always hated him) After burying my dog whom I loved so much I went back inside to send an email to my mate in Australia to tell him what had happened, but he had already sent an email to me informing me that he finally went to the doctors to ask about the pain he has had in his stomach for the past few months. He was omitted straight into hospital, and the doctor opened him up, to find he was riddled with cancer, so he stitched him up again and sent him home, with just a few weeks to live. By this time I was a mess, my whole life was in shatters and I did now where to turn, I lost a wife, a mate, my dog, and my beer all in one day...there was no future for me because it was then that I checked where I kept my wallet, and passport, to discover everything was gone, even my ATM card that she knows the password of as I had a weak moment one day when I was under the influence and she got it out of me. (Yes I know) As luck happened I had a few peso`s in my pocket, so I got into my car to drive it here at Flip Flops ,and on the way in this crazy idiot came out of now where and side swiped me. My car was undriveable, and that was the straw that broke the camels back. So I left my car on the roadway, ignoring the screaming arsehole who was demanding money from me, for him, and his family, and walked the rest of the way to Flip Flops, and ordered the beer that you drank sir, when you came in looking for a fight. I was staring into that glass of beer, waiting for the suicide pill to dissolve that I placed into it so as I could end my miserable life, but thanks to you it was the only pill I had and that is why I became a blubbering mess when you drank my beer, because now I have nothing left except an ongoing life of misery. ......... But have a good day sir.
Lucky you survived, the pill was supposed to take affect within thirty minutes of swallowing it. lol Looks like I was ripped off again by those bloody buggars who sold it to me on the boulevard, I am such a soft touch.... By the way the missus wants to come back, but only if I will accept her boy/girl friend to move in also. My life is taking shape once again.......the sorrow continues.
