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watch out

Discussion in 'Expat Section' started by alex, Jan 30, 2016.

  1. alex

    alex DI Forum Patron Highly Rated Poster

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    I am friends with a range of expats from all over the world. One trait that really surprised me is the number of expats who are literally hostages of their wife.

    I know 3 expats who are in this situation and all of them are married, 2 live with their wives and 1 lives a few miles away from his wife.

    Their wife controls every aspect of their live, including when they can leave the house, where they are allowed to go and who they can go with. When they are allowed out, they receive constant calls from their wife to obtain an update on their whereabouts. One of them even has to have a tracking app on their phone so their wife can keep constant track of where they are.

    I first discovered this when a friend of mine was with one of our expat friends and he was driving around looking for a 711 that had a charging station. After about 20 minutes and visiting two 711 shops, both of which did not have a working charging station, he started freaking out. He finally explained that if his phone battery dies and his wife calls, he will be in serious trouble.

    I have asked these people why they don’t just leave and the response is rather harrowing: “If I leave, she will either have me jailed or killed”.

    Their explanation was that if they leave, their wife will prosecute using the seemingly much abused Republic Act 9262, particularly the section which states:

    3.a) “Violence against women and their children” refers to any act or a series of acts committed by any person against a woman…” “which result in or is likely to result in…” “economic abuse”.

    It is that “economic abuse” section which causes so many issues, as it is rather loosely defined as:
    “Economic abuse refers to acts that make or attempt to make a woman financially dependent which includes, but is not limited to the following:
    1) Withdrawal of financial support
    2) Deprivation or threat of deprivation of financial resources”
     
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  2. Crystalhead

    Crystalhead DI Senior Member ★★ Forum Sponsor ★★ ★ No Ads ★ Highly Rated Poster Showcase Reviewer Veteran Army

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    Clearly don't Marry until after a year or 2 in time of understanding her and her Family well.... and carry out certain due diligence!
     
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  3. Rye83

    Rye83 with pastrami Secured Account Highly Rated Poster SC Connoisseur Veteran Army

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    If you must get married just do it in the church and don't register it with the government....problem solved. :wink:

    I would never marry someone that felt that not getting married was a deal breaker. Something fishy about that to me. I fell for it once, never again!
     
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  4. Rye83

    Rye83 with pastrami Secured Account Highly Rated Poster SC Connoisseur Veteran Army

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    It is interesting that trying to make your spouse a responsible and contributing member of society is a crime here though. Hopefully this only applies to a wife as a guy could be thrown in prison for just breaking up with a girlfriend. :wideyed:
     
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  5. Jack Peterson

    Jack Peterson DI Forum Luminary Highly Rated Poster SC Connoisseur Veteran Air Force

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    :singing: I wouldn't worry too much, there are not enough jails to accommodates the 30+ mil Local/Filipino men that do this Daily/Weekly/ Always.
    Just another little fad of the Little lady to hide her self behind.
    In Dumaguete they can't enforce the helmet law so I would never hold my Breath on this one and in any case Counter Sue, she stole MY money. :thumbsup:
     
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  6. DaveD

    DaveD DI Senior Member Showcase Reviewer Veteran Navy

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    Have them take the spouse to the barangay and get this documented as she is psychologically torturing them. End of problem.
     
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  7. Cerne

    Cerne DI Forum Adept

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    Had a long think about this one before replying...thought about sharing my own experiences vs taking a more analytical approach. Lol, gonna do both!

    In my very humble opinion filipinas tend to be born insecure, add to that their menfolk abandoning them when the going gets tough, is it any wonder that the goose that lays is jealously guarded? Its our problem too when we do the law of diminishing returns thing.....re-assurance. "No baby, I ain't ever gonna leave ya, just you call me anytime. No way honey, nothing on two legs no matter how sweet the smile is gonna tempt me, you just call me anytime". We don't give our spouses the chance of finding out that life can be cool and ok without the re-assure bit. It just increases their anxiety. In a similar fashion checking up on your whereabouts just increases the doubt and insecurity - and lots of us just let them do it.

    When Mrs C and I first started I had to work hard at this. She us a product of her environment. Life is hard, she saw men bail out and run. Indeed, her own sis was left managing 3 very young kids whilst her brother in law p.issed off to where the grass was greener and just cut off his kids. No wonder she got anxious when this white male started strutting up and down her baranguay! Initial attempts to control, to seek re-assurance, and to check where met with steadfast implacability ie "you do this and I walk. I am not putting up with it. If you can not trust me then we do not have a relationship." 12 years later she is a lot less anxious, more relaxed and ok with my movements. Working in the Gulf has also forced this issue.

    Readers may remember my post about the above sister. I tracked the guy down and brought him to Court. Result, C doesn't shoulder the whole family's burdens financially. I thought it would be useful to give an update. For amusement purposes.....

    The guy that deserted my sister in law recently suffered a stroke. Immediately he is back to Court wanting a suspension of the previous order to support my sister in law. I am on his bottom in double time, private eye, my appointed docs, the whole works. Yep, he had a stroke for sure, but get this...he is paying P30k per week for rehabilitation physio whilst travelling between one province and Manila. Plus Hotels! He also is receiving sick pay from his employer at 80% of salary. He hasn't paid a penny to his kids since November 15. With all the evidence...medical, financial and the private eye (hey the guy really doesn't want me to let his current squeeze know what he gets up to when in Manila for rehab physio...but that's a different issue) ....the court threw his petition out. The peso tap is once more turned on. This time the guy knows if he tries it on he is bound for jail. So I guess I am saying that I do have confidence in the court system....shame most folk can't afford it.

    All the best,

    C
     
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  8. nwlivewire

    nwlivewire DI Senior Member Showcase Reviewer Blood Donor Veteran Army Navy

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    Interesting read.

    "...In my very humble opinion filipinas tend to be born insecure, add to that their menfolk abandoning them when the going gets tough, is it any wonder that the goose that lays is jealously guarded?...."

    As a non-filipina who will be in the RP for a few years, I wonder what tendencies the filipinos tend to be born with?

    Perhaps it is not the goose that lays that is jealously guarded. Were this the case, the goose would be jealously guarded by the gander (which is the male term for the goose - a goose is generally the female hen).

    Example: What's good for the goose is good for the gander.

    Are you saying only ganders who lay golden money eggs are jealously guarded by the goose?

    If so, do filipinos (males) jealously guard their non-philipina mates like this too (assuming she lays golden eggs)?

    Lots of geese (women) all over the world get left/abandoned by their ganders (men), forcing the geese (women) to raise the chicks (children) all on their own.

    In the human species, this could be why the birth rate is much lower in today's "first world" economies.

    Just saying I think this insecurity issue is a whole lot more complex than simply being "born" that way.

    It's a cultural thing, it's a gender thing, it's a power and control thing, it's a social order and disorder thing, and it's a nature and a nurture thing.

    And probably a whole lot more.

    Just saying....

    V/R,
    nwlivewire
     
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  9. Rye83

    Rye83 with pastrami Secured Account Highly Rated Poster SC Connoisseur Veteran Army

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    :hilarious: I imagine they would be rather upset if spent too much time with or stole their Playboy or Hustler magazine. Those are illegal and hard to get a hold of in the Philippines but you are much more likely to find a local guy with a porn magazine than a foreign mate. I imagine the few that do have a foreign gf are insanely jealous/controlling of their mates. (It would be considered a status symbol equal to that of a Ferrari or mansion.) There are of course exceptions to this but in general you had better have your funeral plans in line before trying to snatch a western gf from a Filipino.

    I blame the Spanish. Seems every country they managed to colonize and spread their culture to has resulted in some extremely jealous civilizations.
     
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  10. Cerne

    Cerne DI Forum Adept

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    Just mixing my metaphors with gender identity - ooops. It's the principle that counts.

    Yep, totally agree....I should be less sweeping in my statements!

    C
     
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