Suggestion The miracles that occur on internet dating sites

First off one has to understand that much of the feel of not trusting online data sites is a bogus feeling. Those players, scumbags, and gold diggers would be doing the same thing anywhere else. The internet dating site is just a tool like any other be it a bar, restaurant, boulevard, or even a church (yes some scumbags use churches).

My tips of wisdom though from all my experience on dating sites.
1. Look for newer profiles, if they have been there a long time there is a reason usually and rarely they just broke from a long good relationship that went sour.
2. Don't ever trust a girl who goes out saying she is a virgin when starting to chat.
2.b Don't ever trust a guy who asks if a girl is a virgin when starting to chat.
3. Never date a girl who has been with other foreigners already. May sound harsh but usually they are either easy to play and trick, gold diggers, or just not the keeping type of girl (few exceptions do exist but most they want the lifestyle foreigners provide more then anything). Further they have expectations based on previous relationships with foreigners such as a big allowance, fancy things, and so on not thinking that just being taken care of is good enough. (I knew a guy who got into a relationship with a *good* girl as he thought but she pushed for an 8k a month allowance because her last foreigner did which only lasted like 2 months and he was abusive).
4. Make sure the girl actually has interests, knows what she wants out of life, and where she hopes to go in her life. No dreams means a dead girl in the mind just good for one thing only.
5. Try and meet some casual friends, this goes for him and her. Its not like asking to meet the parents but just hang out with a couple of the regular casual friends. If she pays attention to the friends she can get a good idea of what he is really like under all the charm and potential falseness. If he pays attention to the friends (sadly need to try and push English only unless you speak bisayan) he can get an idea as well and taking to a disco with a drink or two to loosen up their tongues and actions helps also. Based on the whole *birds of a feather flock together*. If his regular friends are scumbags, womanizers, players, and chick boys more then likely he is also. If her friends are very materialistic, seem to be about money, what you'll buy for them, and can't hold any form of conversation more then likely she's no good either.
6. Always assume that while a person you meet online may be a good person they most likely are major liars on 95% of what they are saying. Never expect the real person guy or girl to be what you see of think is on the other end of that internet conversation.
7. Demand webcam chat but time planned after a couple normal chats that go well. If he goes whipping it out straight off bad guy. As a planned video internet date of a sort both should be looking fairly presentable. Nothing to fancy but shouldn't look like a slob. If either fails this test you get an idea of the work involved. But the guy should never be whipping it out (or even suggesting it) or asking the girl to show him *stuff*. The guy could however ask the girl her experience on doing video chats before acting like he's new at it and if she seems experienced to a point joke about if she's had many bad guys doing bad things on there. Then also ask a properly worded question under assumptions such as *when was the first time you showed under your shirt on one of these chats* in a joking way. She will either flat out deny (more then likely), get pissed (usually because its true and you assumed right), or confess just *once* sort of thing. This gives you a good idea on her character as well.
9. Play your age range with considerations. Does anyone really think a hot 19 year old girl finds the love of her life in a 65 year old fat (or not fat) guy? Or that a 65 year old guy is finding the love of his life is some hot 19 year old? It could happen but odds are highly against. I say consider *family value*. If she is young enough to just be getting into wanting the family life (they all want this btw) and he is to old to stick around for the whole thing more then likely there is an issue. Older guys are better off looking in the 30's range to find someone a bit more likely to be true to you and not your wallet. Same in reverse for the girls. Do they think grandpa is going to want to start a new family with that 19 year old and then stick around (not dieing off) until the kid is fully grown through college?
10. Always know your breaking point and your way out. Let them know you don't believe in unconditional love and that certain things are required to keep that flame burning. This goes both ways. Who can love someone who ignores them as long as they get what they want. But when people know of an active risk of loss they tend to work harder and if they don't you know its time to cut and head off.

 

Many of us are shy to walk up to a complete stranger in a public place and just start up a conversation. Plus girls here even more so never travel alone, always in packs which is even scarier for many guys. Many of us have had so much rejection by women back home the thought of it in public in full view is scary. Plus in public we never know if they are just to shy to be seen ignoring us and really want nothing to do with us as there are actually some Filipina's believe it or not that while available specifically do NOT want a foreigner young or old. Also the guys who can easily walk up to a random girl and strike up a conversation are generally the experienced players, not the good guys to take home to meet the parents.

The internet allows us a bit of saving grace to test out new strategies, see responses to what may seem crazy attempts and idea's, and try and figure out how to sell ourselves without much at risk. But with this we do lie and often lie big. Hence I say never trust anyone over the internet has ever told you the truth but as well don't assume they are a bad person just because they lied (after all your there as well).

 

Overall ChMacQueen did an excellent analysis with lots of thought on the subject. Of coarse I have a few additional thoughts.
#3... personally I like a lady who has had a little experience with foreigners particularly with time management. I have been told "you are in the Philippines" it is OK to be late" but I do not buy that concept if we are interfacing with foreigners from a culture that is time sensitive. A lady who has been trained to value time, particularly your time, is much more attractive to me, but I tolerate the lack of time sensitivity, particularly if is is being applied when she is suppose to go home. Those that have learned the financial games from being with a foreigner, I can certainly live without. Remember many of these greedy Filipinas are trained by foreigners to expect EXCESSIVE financial support from foreigners, please do not screw it up for the rest of us by over paying for them. . They know how to play one foreigner against the last foreigner or future foreigner. Many foreigners will in is essence try to buy their time, out bidding each other, whether buying on short term 2 hour hotel time basis, or longer periods of time like two nights.. or a lifetime. These type of woman can be found the world over so why focus just on the Filipinas. Most gold diggers in the Philippines already have a man in the background, usually housed in the local jail that they expect you to support without your knowledge.
#9... yes learned that children are a necessity for most woman to experience, they are all mothers to be. I would also agree that if you can not afford to raise a child through college you should not plan on having one, consequently older ladies may be a wise choice, most "hotties" pass 22 years old already have one child.... each week your are with them they will share another little secret that they have another child in their past... (can I get an "Amen" to this?) In my early months in Dumaguete I saw an older man pushing a stroller in Robinsons Mall. I was applaud because I was not sure he was pushing a child or using the stroller as "walker" to get around, my thought was how arrogant.... he is trying to show everyone his sperm count is still good? Then I became aware that Americans on Social Security can get up to 50% of their monthly checks for their children from birth till they are 18 years old. That is enough money in my personal case that no wife or child would have to work until the child is over 18 years old, even if I was murder climbing out of window by jealous Filipino or for some other reason that my death may occurr. The total amount would come to about many millions of Pesos, and if that could not be invested properly by my widow then I married the wrong lady. Of coarse the money could not support the typical extended family of 50 + people but that would not be my problem, and I doubt I would ever roll over in my grave with whatever happened to the money. I had done the right thing for financially planning, if they, the survivors, chose to screw up their lives financially after I depart, that is their choice... the point is US Expat should be aware of the benefits that they can utilized so as not to leave a wife and child to live in poverty with their new BF and child's stepfather. Please think about you future children, and care for their future if you plan to have a child. (off topic again, but I would love to see the Expats that run off and leave single moms here be responsible for the mom and child after DNA test.... of coarse each situation varies).
#10... know you breaking point, when you will let go of is very important. If you want peace you need to not form attachments with any place or thing, and sometimes that applies to ladies also. Once the lady THINKS you have no choice.. you really do not have any choices left.
Take Care, be safe and act like a gentleman if you can...

 

Thank you all for your responses! I appreciate all the input.

 

Thanks

Most of the old guys with the younger gals have no interest in marrying them and no interest in getting the kids US Citizenship even (which is a bit of a nightmare currently). This means when he's gone then they are screwed. Those who plan ahead in multiple ways to take care of their partner and kid are the exception and a good one. But most don't want to risk getting screwed over if they get married and like the ability if stuff goes sour to split. I've also known a number of *married* foreigners who aren't actually married but just talk the talk that they are. Remember the women do talk behind their backs on the truth.

That's the catch, each situation varies. Problem here is that its going to cost the foreigner a lot of money in defending himself in those situations and if such was demanded obviously the foreigner would be in the wrong always... even when right. After all its always the foreigners fault. For instance a story I know well. His wife and him had a son, her getting pregnant by *forgetting* her pills multiple days in a row 2 weeks after getting married. He put up with her changing heavily for a year and a half including knowing she was stealing money hoping to change her back to how she first was. After a year and a half being married her threw her out but tried helping her with the school she had just started along with paying support for his son. She caused him nothing but grief stalking him, making serious threats, and threatening any girl she found he had talked to even if just friends. He finally cut her off and just continued paying support for his child and she went back to her hometown in the mountains of Zamboanga mainly to spite the father so he couldn't see his son as a foreigner is bad business being around that area. Shortly after she went overseas to work as an OFW house helper. He continued paying monthly support and his ex promised when she returned to bring his son to see him. When the ex returned 2 years later though she broke the promise laughing at him saying if he wants to see his son he will have to pay the travel for not just his son but a couple family members as well including lodging, amounting to a cost of a 15-20k+ peso's. After this he just cut them off as he was sick of his son being used against him and knowing Philippine law won't help him while he can't ever see his own son. No more child support or contact.

Now should that guy be forced to pay support still while he doesn't get to see his son unless he pays additional blackmail money? I don't think so. Yet we all know if there was a strong child support law here against foreigners he would be so screwed.

Plus why should a foreigner be held any more accountable then a local? And why should the woman retain all the rights when it comes to kids? The foreigner would have been more then happy to take his son and provide for his son while the mother just ran off to another country to work.