Welcome to the forum. Good news, upon moving the local school will close for a period of 5 working days. You will treated to a noisy parade featuring out of synch majorettes in tacky costumes, an indistinguishable speech over the school tannoy praising your initiative in bringing industry to their neck of the woods and a certificate of appreciation for being lolo but fairly gwapo.

In your first month you will receive local dignitary after local dignitary, usually between the hours of 8am and 10pm. Please do not be alarmed by the appearance of said dignitary (dirty t-shirt, threadbare shorts, mismatching sandals) or indeed their lack of sobriety. Tuba, karaoke or funds for their local Emperador tasting projects are part of the local culture here. Usually a gift of P50 should suffice, do not expect a receipt for charitable tax purposes.

The Philippines is a rich lush tropical fruit garden of cultural diversity. Gambol through it, pausing to pluck a few fruits; savour them before moving on toward the next clump of berry bushes. Noise: peace and quiet are alien concepts to your neighbours. Karaoke, ‘improved’ motorcycles, radios, even conversations across the road will be held at all hours and at all volumes: In short the Filipino invented that torture General Noriega endured whilst holed up in that embassy. This is particularly true in built up areas and cities: have you thought about diversifying your business towards the sale of ear muffs or hearing aids? You will make a bomb.

Honesty, reliability and work ethic. A mixed bag really. You will find loyal hard working staff who are completely transparent in their duties. These people are like solid gold diamond encrusted rocking horse poo, more or less...hang on to them, they will make your stay all the worthwhile. Beware the above “local dignitary” - unless you prefer your projects to ‘organically grow’.

I could write a book....sheesh..don’t get me started on the women or rellies!!!

C