Where's the humor on here?

A guy walked into a bar with a german shepard the bar man said great dod do you show him ? no his name is blacksmith he makes things out of steel, the barman i would like to see that .The man went to the open fire took the poker and got it red hot and said to the barman you hold his head and ill stick the poker up his @ss, barman sh*t what will he make the guy replyed eather a spring for your balls or a bolt for the door

 

A lady walked past her daughter's bedroom and heard a humming noise opening the door she seen her daughter with a vibrator, daughter im 35 still live at home and this is the nearest i am goung to get to a husband. ,ext day her father seen and heard the same and got the same answer,next week mum heard the humming noise in the lounge she went in only to see her hubby siting on the lounge with the virabtor next to him he told her he is watching the footy with his son in law

 

A guy came home from work his wife asked him darling have you ever seen 20 dollars crumpled up ? no so she put her hand in her bra and handed him a 20 she said darling have you ever seen a 50 dollars all crumpled up ? no so she put her hand in her pants and pulled out a 50 darling have you ever seen 50 thousand dollars all crumpled up NO well go look in the garage

 

Jennifer had applied for a job and when she returned home, her mother asked how the interview went.

"Pretty good, I think," replied Jennifer, "but if I go to work there I won't get a vacation until I'm married."

Her mother, of course, had never heard of such a thing. "Is that what they told you?"

"No",replied Jennifer, "but right on the application it said 'vacation time may not be taken until you've had your First Anniversary.'"

 

As a pet lover I am plagued with insect and disease control issues. Always looking for a solution but this seems a little far fetched to me:

For fleas, pour whiskey over your dog, followed by a scoop of sand. They get drunk and start throwing stones at one another.

 

Jack said to Dave If you woke up one morning with your pants around your knees and your butt was sore would you tell anyone?Dave said no way. Then Jack asked, Dave would like to come camping this weekend?

 

@Dave & Imp
@alex

What time we off Dave, use you car OK? Will the cats come if so, I will bring the Dogs

Cheeky Alex but one of your best

JP

 

Obvously we need some Roos or something here quickly in Dumaguete as the forum is starting to get a little rank.... lol

@alex
@Jack Peterson

 

So there we are, Nothing wrong with Rank or did you mean this rank

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm OK, I take you ain't cummin Camping then?

JP

 

Move to controversial humor if necessary:

An Elderly Prayer

"Dear Lord: The last fifteen or twenty years have been very tough. You have taken my favorite actor - Paul Newman; my favorite actress - Elizabeth Taylor; my favorite singer - Andy Williams; my favorite author -Tom Clancy; and now, my favorite comedians – Robin Williams and Joann Rivers.

I just wanted you to know that my favorite politicians are Barack Obama, Joe Biden, Hillary Clinton, Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid, and I have a special place in my heart for Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton. Amen."