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Pregnant Hands in Heaven

Discussion in 'Funny Stuff' started by Rye83, May 27, 2015.

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  1. Rye83

    Rye83 with pastrami Admin Secured Account Highly Rated Poster SC Connoisseur Veteran Army

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    Masturbating men ‘will find their hands pregnant in the afterlife,’ says Muslim televangelist - RELIGION

    Oh my, I hope this isn't true! I would like a bit of clarification though.....does each act of masturbation result in one pregnancy of the hands?! :nailbiting: Also, how long is the "hand" gestation period? What comes out? Little humans, little hands or a human-hand hybrids? Will giving birth by hand be painful? Where does the child come out of the hand?

    This is very troubling news for me! :rolleyes:
     
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    Rye83, May 27, 2015
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  2. alex

    alex DI Forum Patron Highly Rated Poster

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    Well now, it looks like i would be having quadruples.
     
    alex, May 27, 2015
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  3. Jack Peterson

    Jack Peterson DI Forum Luminary Highly Rated Poster SC Connoisseur Veteran Air Force

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    :eek: Very Handy news to have this morning. :wink:

    JP :nailbiting:
    [DOUBLEPOST=1432686183,1432686070][/DOUBLEPOST]
    Confucius say " Many Hands make Light Work":wink:
     
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    Jack Peterson, May 27, 2015
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  4. expatron

    expatron DI Forum Patron

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    Hope it's boring in the afterlife, it will sure be hard to clap my hands for anything nice or funny......
     
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    expatron, May 27, 2015
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  5. PatO

    PatO DI Forum Luminary Highly Rated Poster Showcase Reviewer Veteran Marines

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    If it is just a happy ending massage, does the masseuse take the hit for that? How about if you get a wasn't sex Monica job? It does raise lots of questions...
     
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    PatO, May 27, 2015
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  6. Jack Peterson

    Jack Peterson DI Forum Luminary Highly Rated Poster SC Connoisseur Veteran Air Force

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    I guess it would depend on how it was interpreted and we know how things can get misinterpreted, You know, I doubt this issue is even in the "Quran" as are many things they would have us believe. :sorry:

    JP :bag: :whistling:
     
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    Jack Peterson, May 27, 2015
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    Rye83

    Rye83 with pastrami Admin Secured Account Highly Rated Poster SC Connoisseur Veteran Army

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    This stuff comes from the Hadith (believed to be the teachings of Mohammed). Each "branch" of Islam has a different collection of Hadith books they believe is essential to their religion (which is responsible for most of the fighting within their own religion). The Sunni have six books, the Shi'a have 4. Regardless of how many books each sect believes in they feel that they are just as important as the Quran.

    "New age", if you want to call it that, Muslims have thrown these books out all together (and are more peaceful for it). Unfortunately they are not even close to being a majority.

    Sent from my Nexus 5 using Tapatalk
     
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    Rye83, May 27, 2015
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  8. KINGCOLE

    KINGCOLE DI Senior Member Highly Rated Poster

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    What about a rubber doll. I'm asking this question for a friend.

    :wink:
     
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    KINGCOLE, May 27, 2015
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  9. nwlivewire

    nwlivewire DI Senior Member Showcase Reviewer Blood Donor Veteran Army Navy

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    Well, I suppose if you get pregnant, then it's going to be "all your fault".

    There are all measures of birth control in this day and age to prevent unwanted pregnancies - unless your faith expressly forbids this.

    And if that's the case, then you'd better keep your fingers crossed at all times! All ten of them if need be.

    I'd hate for you to suffer the pains and travails of birth - especially so since you will be pregnant with offspring and you won't know who the Mother is. God only knows we have plenty of bastards running around down here on Earth.

    Holy Cow!

    [Please give me strength...]
     
    nwlivewire, May 27, 2015
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  10. jimeve

    jimeve DI Forum Luminary Highly Rated Poster Showcase Reviewer Veteran Army

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    How will it come out, fingers first I suppose.
     
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    jimeve, May 28, 2015
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