Where's the humor on here?

An Australian walks into the bedroom with a sheep on a leash and says ....




"Honey, this is the cow I make love to when you have a headache."


The wife, lying in the bed reading a book, looks up and says, "If you weren't such an idiot, you'd know that's a sheep, not a cow."


The guy replies, "If you weren't such a presumptuous b*tch, you'd realize I was talking to the sheep."

 

THE CURRENT BANKING CRISIS EXPLAINED BY AN IRISHMAN
Young Paddy bought a donkey from a farmer for £100.
The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son,
but I have some bad news. The donkey's died.'
Paddy replied, 'Well then just give me my money back.'
The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I've already spent it.'
Paddy said, 'OK, then, just bring me the dead donkey.'
The farmer asked, 'What are you going to do with him?'
Paddy said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.'
The farmer said, 'You can't raffle a dead donkey!'
Paddy said, 'Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody
he's dead.'
A month later, the farmer met up with Paddy and asked,
' What happened with that dead donkey?'
Paddy said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at £2 each
and made a profit of £898'
The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?'
Paddy said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his £2 back.'
Paddy now works for the BPI

 

so that joke has been told before wow , who can remember a joke they read in 2010 . i dont go past 3 weeks back lol

 

That's ok it's still funny in 2015

 

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   Sorry, but I need to vent!! So I went to Hypermart to get some Christmas stuff. I noticed this lady was staring at me in the same aisle I was in. No biggie. I moved to the next aisle and here she comes. Again... STARING! So now I'm like, What is her problem?! I finish up my shopping and head to the check out line. Of course who is there ahead of me but this same lady. She turns around and starts staring again. So I start playing with my phone so I don't have to look at her. Finally she says "I want to apologize for staring at you, but you look just like my father who just passed away." I felt really bad after that and gave her my condolences. She says "Thank you...but I have a favor to ask. I know it's weird and understand if you don't want to, but can you give me a hug and say 'Bye baby' to me?" Inside I was like Really?!??!, but understanding grief the way that I do, I went ahead and did it. She smiles, thanks me, and leaves. The cashier rings up my stuff and the total comes out to 5000 peso. I knew something wasn't right, because it should have been like 2000 or so. The cashier then tells me that my total was included with my daughters goods I'm like, "What?!!!" She said, "my dad said was paying for her last few items along with your things. I told her that the woman was most definitely NOT my daughter. She said, well I saw you hug her and heard you call her baby. I'm like OMG...I flew out of the store looking for this witch, ready to get with her, I see her loading up her car! She saw me and jumped in her car, I got to her as she was putting her leg in, and I started pulling her leg...just like I'm pulling yours right now! Hahaha...
   

 

COWS WITH GUNS - ANIMATED UTUBE