Where's the humor on here?

WARNING! SCAM ALERT! Be on the lookout for a very pretty girl and her friend. They are hanging out around Hypermart and Robinson parking lots. When you are putting your groceries away they ask you for a ride to McDonald's.They are very convincing and very hot! Once in your car this one takes her clothes off and starts climbing all over you,while she keeps you busy, the other one takes your wallet.I've had mine taken on the 7th,8th, 10th and twice yesterday.probably two more times tomorrow. Uni Top has wallets for 70 peso, so I bought all they had. These two lovely ladys not only take your wallet, but you never even make it to McDonald's so I've already lost 5 klo.keep a lookout for them ( I find lunch time and around 5:30 the best times)

 

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A priest and a rabbi were sitting in adjacent seats on an airplane.
After a while the priest turned to the rabbi and asked,
"Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?"
The rabbi responded, "Yes, that is still one of our laws."
The priest then asked, "Have you ever eaten pork?"
"Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and ate a bacon sandwich."
The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.
A while later the rabbi spoke up and asked,
"Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?"
The priest replied, "Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith."
The rabbi then asked him, "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?"
The priest replied, "Yes, Rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke the pledge of my faith."
The rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent for several minutes.
Finally the rabbi quietly observed, "Beats the sh*t out of a bacon sandwich doesn't it

 

Experienced a bit of this Christmas shopping.

 

1. 
   
   Paul Beattie
   9 July ·
   
   
   A driver is pulled over by a policeman. The policeman approaches the drivers door.
   
   "Is there a problem, Officer?"
   
   The policeman says, "Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your license please?"
   
   The driver responds, "I'd give it to you but I don't have one."
   
   "You don't have one?"
   
   The man responds, "I lost it four times for drink driving."
   
   The policeman is shocked. "I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?"
   
   "I'm sorry, I can't do that."
   
   The policeman says, "Why not?"
   
   "I stole this car."
   
   The officer says, "Stole it?"
   
   The man says, "Yes, and I killed the owner."
   
   At this point the officer is getting irate. "You what?"
   
   "She's in the boot if you want to see."
   
   The Officer looks at the man and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes, five police cars show up, surrounding the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half-drawn gun.
   
   The senior officer says, "Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please!"
   
   The man steps out of his vehicle. "Is there a problem, sir?"
   
   "One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner."
   
   "Murdered the owner?"
   
   The officer responds, "Yes, could you please open the boot of your car please?"
   
   The man opens the boot, revealing nothing but an empty boot.
   
   The officer says, "Is this your car sir?"
   
   The man says, "Yes" and hands over the registration papers.
   
   The officer, understandably, is quite stunned. "One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving licence."
   
   The man digs in his pocket revealing a wallet and hands it to the officer. The officer opens the wallet and examines the licence. He looks quite puzzled. "Thank you, sir. One of my officers told me you didn't have a licence, stole this car, and murdered the owner."
   
   The man replies, "I bet you the lying b@st@rd told you I was speeding, too!"
   

 

That is so funny LOL OMG