State Dept Warning: Your ugly @ss at home, still ugly abroad

This warning is very relevant to the expats here. Must read.

The State Department just issued a travel warning for ugly people - MarketWatch

Unfortunately the official message has since been deleted because people were sensitive to it. But hey, if the shoe fits...

And remember. Drinking only makes OTHER people look better. It doesn't make you look better.

 

Too early for an April Fools joke!

 

If there was a rating system for over politically sensitive idiots, I do believe I would rate Nicholas Gomez a 9.9. No one could be a complete over politically sensitive idiots. Of coarse my rating is totally irrelevant... it is the perception of his actions that will be remembered.

 

A number only has value if you assign it one.

But from my female side, I THINK why a woman MIGHT have a hard time with this "numbers" thing is:

Mostly men are the judges of a woman in what number is assigned to her OUTER "beauty". Women don't usually do the judging for the "Top Ten" picturefolds of the year, or for those annual best-of-the-best Top Twelve" "sports" magazines. For advertising purposes, numbers get assigned to these "pin-up quality" models and this sells the product (the magizine) - and indirectly - it might also push the model's career earnings up, too. But the rating system used in this kind of case is not used to push her career and earning in any thought of doing anything for her in a first place or in a primary way, but rather, the numbers game is used to promote money sales for the magazine -- first and foremost. So her "beauty" is a tool used to make a dollar.

Some men and women have a hard time with the notion that it is OK to equate a value of a thing to a value of a living person. Like it seems to be OK to rate a fancy car as a "10", or the "TOP TEN" best soccer players in the world in some sort of a numerical order based on specific skills or exceding certain achievements. But some men and women have a hard time understanding why the definition of a woman's value based only on "beauty" can be so monolithically defined as to be given a 1-10 rating. So some men and women see this as a very shallow rating system and are offended by this.

Me. I'm way past this. My lifetime spouse sure wasn't a "10" in the beuaty/handsome department by anyone's stretch of the imagination. But in my world, the entire rest of ALL that made him a great human being and a lifetime spouse was a "10".

I think maybe folks (mostly women) do get tired of the "same old - same old" "beauty" thing being the primary ("only") criteria that sells papers, magazines and every thing else. But I think some of this stuff was ingrained in us way back when (like caveman/cavewoman days). Today, this "10" thing seems very superficial and I see where this "10 Beauty" scale thing does seem to objectify today's people - both men and women.

I personally could care less what a number is assigned to me from other men that do not know me. That's not particularly relevant to what I perceive as my "Value". And I think most grown men with a WORKING head on their shoulders have many more check lists than this single one.

I do hope this isn't the only and first-and-foremost criteria "thing" men use their BIG heads for. However, if for those minority of men that only use this "beauty" criteria as the be all/end all of their woman ratings, then I would rate those men as a "0" in my book. I'd definately pass on this type of guy, as his BIG head is even smaller than his LITTLE head - and his heart, if he has one. I'd have too little to work with as he wouldn't be able to handle a real "10".

Just my two cents....

nwlivewire

 

And why not?

Once you get here and start listening to people you find that a lot of expats here are sort of loners. They don't have close friends here. They get out a bit to get some social contact and then go home to get away from everyone again.

As one friend put it "I don't hang out." He goes to his places, drinks down a beer, shoots the sh*t a bit and then he is on his way. Many of us are like that.

When I'm home, I want to be left alone. I had a live-in girlfriend for most of the time I lived here. The last 2+ years she hasn't been here has been the greatest time of personal growth and discovery of any time past. I think much of that is being old enough to have some experience and still young enough to put it to good use. But I don't think I would be in the same place if I had a live-in girlfriend. In retrospect, I allowed her to get away with being too controlling. If ever there is another one, that sh*t will get shut down fast.

Getting any sort of deep conversation is extremely rare and I'm not sure that's something I care about anyways. I get plenty of deep thought conversations about things I'm passionate about in my professional circles (conversation about using our technical tools to apply to problems we are getting paid to solve.) If I wanted to get out of that box, then I could make a "career change" or just get a hobby.

Mostly I enjoy talking to someone who has a good sense of humor. Even better if I can find someone who can regularly make me laugh, but that is rare and even rarer in women. Perhaps it's different point of views, but I generally don't find women comedian's funny.

Maybe I would be happier in a large city. The spice of life is much more varied in a place like NYC as compared to Dumaguete.

The family situation is a bit of an oddball for expats here. I know many who tolerate it (lots of family always being around) and even some who somewhat enjoy it. I think the reason that a lot of expats can generally be loners but still be okay with family situations at home is because there is still some barrier there. The Filipino family at home just generally doesn't **** with the foreigner. A smile and a few words and that's it. It's not an all out fight and complex drama that you get with friends and relatives back home. They might ask to borrow a couple of pesos but they are generally respectful and not acting like they are entitled to something. A stranger living in the house is okay when that person is cleaning the entire house and cooking every day. We might even pay that person.

Put this all together and our social interactions here are mostly "good enough" and a very low bar to reach. We aren't looking for anything special in that regard. Get it done and move on. Until next time.

If we aren't looking for smart conversation. If we don't particularly want to hang out. Given everything above that I just discussed. What is left? A rockin' body.

Otherwise I'm not going to judge you any different than any other expat here. Just don't expect me to pick up a magazine with any of your ugly asses gracing the cover.

 

I think it is natural for guys to admire a girl and for girls to admire guys. I would compare it to appreciating a very nice piece of art or a super car. The difference of course is the possible sexual attractiveness and the impact it may have on the imagination or whatever. Assigning a rating number? Nothing wrong with that. I imagine the young ladies here have their own system, not sure if they rate guys for looks or the potential size of their wallets.

 

Well, to each their own, and to each their own opinions and preferences.

So just how do expats "judge" anyway? Does every single expat's thinking caps work the same way as every other expat? And do all the expats "judge" with the same exact criteria as all the others?

You lost me with what your major point may have been here. But that's Ok as I have been known to not track from time to time.

I feel a bit sheepish for not following you, so I apologize for this.

But I do wish you well and hope you find as much laughter in your life as you can stand!

(That's why I enjoy alex's good-humored postings - he likes to poke fun at our human conditions and the stuff he posts on here cracks me up).

V/R,
nwlivewire

 

For sure PatO. I've been around teenage girls and young women, and many have a rating system for what a young man would be numbered. Depending on the age of the young lady (and what culture she's from), it seems like outward appearance features get rated. Then it seems "experience" and "satisfaction" gets rated. Income, education, class status, dress - all that other kinds of stuff gets rated, too.

Yes. I know what you mean about being able to appreciate the looks of a handsome fellow and I can see how this is like appreciating fine art or a good wine. But I THINK what sets off a few men and women who find this offensive is due in part to the "overdose", the super-saturation of this seeming to be the predominate thing that ever gets rated - over and over again - by mass media advertising. It makes men look very superficial and one-dimensional, and I THINK women just get tired of the "beauty" factor being the seemingly only factor mass media puts out there about women. I suppose that is why some women develop eating disorders, and Barbie dolls are manufactured with such an extreme female form. And maybe why some relationships get doomed to failure from the "get-go". This is why I often said to my Son when he was a teenager to always pick a smart one over a pretty one, because looks will fade, but smarts can improve with age and last a marital lifetime.

If I had had a daughter, I would have told her the same thing. Maybe this is what I got taught at home, found it was handy to know, and passed it along. Mass media/marketing can use some improvement, but until things even out a bit, about the only thing a parent can do to counteract the media crap is to instill a deeper sense of values and "ratings", and hope it "takes".

V/R,
nwlivewire

 

That is a tough question, and you have to sort out the "macho BS" talk from the what the guys really feels and thinks. Men can easily be "very superficial and one-dimensional" if they only grew up being told by the mass media what to think and do. Many are still independent of the media influence. It is easy to see, just by looking at the various couples, that every man has a different "ideal 10" lady, which is really good for the men and the ladies. If every man want just one type of "ideal 10" lady the it would be great for that one lady, but not good for all the other ladies. It is just as true for ladies also. You seem to have a lot of attraction, love and other relationship enduring characteristics you shared with your husband, but you must admit the maybe Angelina Jolie would not have picked him over Brad Pitt, nor you picked Brad Pitt over him. Thank God, there is not just one lady, or man, in the world that would make every man/woman in the world happy. We all have that opportunity to find that "special one" that meets are own special needs and desire in a person.

There are many types of men here, so it is hard to describe what "a man" is looking for in a woman:

Some man have an ego desire to have an "arm ornament" type lady, the one you see in Robinsons' mall dressed like she just got lost and was on her way to the disco. Of coarse the male looks like hasn't danced in a couple of decades. He hangs his chin high as other men look at his lady, in what he thinks in envy, but are really wondering wonder how much her nightly fee maybe. She wears "exciting" provocative shoes, horrible to walk in, but great for looking at. Her dress looks more appropriate for a cocktail party than eating a snack at Jollilee Bee. Many times this is the most exciting lady he has been with for half a century, ( and his sister-in-law is not there to tell the rest of the family) and he is enjoying life now... for a while until his money runs out or his vacation is over..

Some men want the adventurous athletic type lady to chase them up the stairs at Casaroro Falls, or share a swim like a mermaid behind him on a afternoon snorkeling trip. Companionship may be more important than worrying about what others are thinking about his companion... he is enjoying his life now... as he wants to live it. Knowing it does not matter what other think about him or his lady

There is the guy who wants a drinking buddy, who has the lady who wants nothing more than to party... anywhere as long as the past hurts and pain of life does not break through to her reality of life. The guy usually has struggled through life and needs a little relief from reality too. He is enjoying his new life... without the worry of the past hurts he left behind.

All our valid desires and likes, as I have illustrated, there are many different type of man, so the answer is : NO, all men to do not wear the same thinking cap when looking for a lady.

An interesting read is "A Man's Guide to Life and Love in the Philippines" by Larry Elterman ( I believe a former resident of Dumaguete). You do not have to be in the Philippines to have his concepts apply to you. It outlines a number of type of men, (from the visitor to the Expat alcoholic) and a number of different types of woman (from the young naive virgin to the older single maiden). He discusses the type of relationship they may have together. His writing is humorous in style (to me anyway). The reason I recommend the book is he challenges the reader to discover the type of person they really are while reading, not while drinking beer with his friends, playing the "first liar always loses"game as they tell stories, competing with one another about conquests of the opposite sex. It helps set a direction for what you really want, not what you think you friends think you should have in your life. You can set your own direction without peer and beer pressure.

Life is an experiment if it was not that way, none of us would ever have been divorced or even dated more than one person in their life. Sometimes those experiences are successful and some times... well we will need some more alcohol to discuss those others.