Where's the humor on here?

I will have to remember this one in future should the need ever arise hehe
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An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, 'Seven Points.'
His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the world was that?' The old man replied, 'its Fart Football.'

A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, 'Touchdown, tie score...'

After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, 'Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7.'

Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, 'Touchdown, tie score.'

Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, 'Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.'

Now the pressure is on for the old man.

He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard.

Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally poops in the bed.

The wife says, 'What the hell was that?'

The old man says, 'Half time, switch sides!​

 

Reminds me about this movie.

 

So true LOL

 

An old woman walked up and tied her old Mule to the hitching post. As she stood there, brushing some of the dust from her face and clothes, a young Gunslinger stepped out of the Saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of Whiskey in the other. The young Gunslinger looked at the old woman and laughed; "Hey old woman, have you ever danced?"

The old woman looked up at the Gunslinger and said; "No... I never did dance... Never really wanted to."

A crowd had gathered as the Gunslinger grinned and said; "Well you old bag, you're gonna dance now!" and started shooting at the old woman's feet!

The old woman prospector, not wanting her toes blown off, started hopping around like crazy! Everybody in the crowd as well as the Gunslinger were laughing at the old woman's antics! When his last bullet had been fired, the young Gunslinger still laughing, holstered his gun and turned to go back into the Saloon...

The old woman turned to her Pack Mule, pulled out a Double Barrel Shotgun, and cocked both hammers. The loud "clicks" carried clearly through the desert air, and the crowd stopped laughing immediately!

The young Gunslinger heard the sounds also, and he turned around very, very slowly. The silence was deafening... The crowd watched, as the young Gunslinger stared at the old woman and directly into the large gaping holes of those twin barrels...

The barrels of the Shotgun never wavered in the old woman's hands, as she quietly said; "Son, have you ever kissed a Mule's @ss?"

The Gunslinger swallowed hard and said; "No Ma'am, but I have always wanted to!"

There are FIVE Lessons here for all of us to learn from;
01) Never be arrogant.
02) Don't waste ammunition.
03) Whiskey makes you think you are smarter than you actually are.
04) Always make sure you know who really holds the power.
And; 05) Don't mess with old people; they do not get to be old by being stupid!

 

At 85 years of age, Morris marries LouAnne, a lovely 25-year-old.

Because her new husband is so old, LouAnne decides that on their wedding night, she and Morris are to have separate bedrooms.

The newlywed is concerned that her new husband may overexert himself if they spend the entire night together.

After the wedding festivities, LouAnne prepares herself for bed, and for the expected "knock" on the door.

Sure enough, the knock comes, the door opens, and there is her 85-year-old groom, ready for action. They unite as one.

All goes well, whereupon Morris takes leave of LouAnne, and she prepared to go to sleep.

After a few minutes, LouAnne hears another knock on her bedroom door.

It's Morris! And he's again ready for more action. Somewhat surprised, LouAnne consents to further coupling.

When the newlyweds are done, Morris kisses LouAnne, bids her a fond good night, and leaves. LouAnne is set to go to sleep again.

However, after a few short minutes, there is another knock at her door and there he is again... Morris, as fresh as a 25-year-old and ready for a bit more action.

And again they enjoy one another. As Morris is once again set to leave, the young bride says to him, "I am thoroughly impressed that at your age, honey, you can go at it three times. I've been with guys less than a third your age who were only good once! You're a great lover, Morris."

Morris, somewhat embarrassed, turns to LouAnne and says, "You mean I was here already?"

 

"Late again," the third-grade teacher said to little Jeffey.

"It ain't my fault," Miss Crabtree. "You can blame this on my Daddy. The reason I'm three hours late is Daddy sleeps without any clothes!"

Now Miss Crabtree had taught grammar school for thirty-some-odd years. So she asked little Jeffrey what he meant by that, despite her mounting fears. Full of grins and mischief, and in the flower of his youth, little Jeffrey and trouble were old friends, but he always told the truth.

"You see, Miss Crabtree, at the ranch we got this here lowdown coyote. The last few nights he done et six hens and killed Ma's best milk goat. And last night, when Daddy heard a noise out in the chicken pen, he grabbed his gun and said to Ma, "That coyote's back again, I'm a gonna git him!'"

"Stay back, he yelled to all us kids!" He was naked as a jaybird, no boots, no pants, no shirt! To the hen house he crawled, just like an Injun on the snoop. Then he stuck that doublebarrel through the window of the coop. As he stared into the darkness, with coyotes on his mind, our old black Lab, Hudson, had done woke up and come a sneakin' up behind Daddy. Then we all looked on plumb helpless old Hudson stuck that cold nose in Daddy's crack!

"Miss Crabtree, we been cleanin' chickens since three o'clock this morning!"

 

The Highways Agency found over 200 dead Crows on the M4 near Bridgend recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.

A Pathologist examined the remains of all the Crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts.

However, during analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws.

By analysing these paint residues it was found that 98% of the Crows had been killed by impact with Trucks, while only 2% were killed by Cars.

The Agency then hired an Ornithological Behaviourist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of Truck kills versus Car kills.

The Ornithological Behaviourist quickly concluded that when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow to warn of danger.

They discovered that while all the lookout Crows could shout out "Cah!" not a single one could shout out "Truck!"

 

What is Stress?

A beautiful girl asks lift from you...

On the way she suddenly falls sick...

You take her to Hospital...

Doctor says: ''Congratulations Sir, you're gonna become a Daddy!''

Now you are under Stress!

You say, "No, am not the Father!"

But the Girl insists that you are the Father...

Now you're under some serious Stress!! ​

The Police come and conducts Medical Tests...

The test results come in, it is proved that you are not the father, and moreover; you can never become a Father...

That's some more really serious Stress right there!!!

But still; you Thank God and walk out...

And suddenly you remember, you've two kids at home and think; if you cannot become a Father, then whose Kids are they??

Now that is REAL STRESS!!! ​