⌛ Jerry Lynch introduction

Hey there all, I'm an American from Pennsylvania and although I've never yet visited Dumaguete, that day is coming. Since April of 2004 I've lived most of those years in Dasmariñas or Tagaytay, Cavite and just about 6 months ago split up with my long time girlfriend. I have a 14 month old son with her and since we were not married I have little chance of getting him but I must move on and away from her. Dumaguate has always been on my list of places to explore if I was ever single again. Manila and environs are not to my liking and someplace quieter and off the beaten path suits me much better.

Currently I'm in Saudi teaching English but should be back in Tagaytay around New Years Day. After taking care of SS issues and going to the VA clinic I'll be traveling around meeting some of the ladies I've chatted over the last several months. Most of the major islands are on my list and any woman will have to be willing to live a semi-rural life although I need to be near a road that travels to shopping places and some fishing spots.

My nitelife days are mostly behind me but I enjoy having a Red Horse mostly with locals but also sometimes like to socialize with westerners for a change-of-pace. My idea is that I've moved away from the US and don't want to live in an island version of the place I left behind. Filipinos have mostly treated me well with the exception of that one woman and she has not spoiled me for the country or its people. Conversely I'm not the kind of western guy I see often where I've spent the last 6 years who does not acknowledge a simple greeting from a fellow westerner (or Korean either since I know a few words having taught there for 7 years). They are surprised when I greet them in Korean but I have to converse in English, not Korean, Tagalog, Waray or Cebuano.

 

Jerry, you got a little boy my friend. If you wanted to date other girls, drink Red Horse and hob-nob around with other USA'ns, than you should have been taking measures to not have a child yet.

What you should be doing now is making plans on how to get your Son back, he's your and your family's blood. You can't just abandon him over here to grow up Fatherless.

Time to brace up and do whats right Man.

 

Moderator(s) feel free to delete my previous post if deemed inappropriate.
I'm sure there are other members that will agree with my position on non-abandonment.

 

I applaud your stand here Manzanita, in fact I wish I had said that myself. Mr Lynch even if there is no longer any love between you and your former GF, surely you have room for your own boy? And now you seem to want to repeat the cycle?

 

I (we) may have the wrong outlook, but I strongly agree with Manzanita and Pedro. He is "your's" regardless.

 

No matter how hard you try - It Takes two to Tango.

 

Did anyone actually READ my post?

I said in my post I'll be returning to try to get my son although I'm well aware of the difficulties posed by the fact I'm not married to his mother. I love my son very much and even though his mother will make life impossible for me if I am within her reach (that is why I'll move away from Tagaytay) I plan to be part of his life as much as possible. My real plan is to get married and have a family that will live with me. I said also that my night life days were behind me but I still enjoyed a beer and the OCCASIONAL hobnob with western guys just for a break from my life with mostly Filipino friends.

 

I read and write English quite well Jerry, and nowhere in your post did you say anything about getting your Son back.
What you did say was:

"I have a 14 month old son with her and since we were not married I have little chance of getting him but I must move on and away from her."

So please don't BS us Pawdner

 

I thought it was understood

I thought it was understood that I had investigated the chances of getting my son back but apparently I did not spell it out sufficiently. I've even been ridiculed in other forums for even suggesting I might even TRY to get him from his mother. Following are a couple such such posts. The first person was responding to my concern that his mother has 3 of her unemployed sisters living with her and the only support being the (actually $650.00/mo.) SSA allowance that is my son's.

Re: My first post

You do know that the approximately $750.00 Social Security is a one time shot,
so all 3 of the kids will be making about $250.00 each? Jerry, have you thought
about getting your tubes tied---you should!

The following is from another individual


Should you succeed in getting your son away from his mother, it will be the
first I have heard of this happening in the Philippines. I have known many
foreign men who have separated from the mother of their child(ren) and in each
case the offspring are awarded to the mother.

The amount of child support is a different matter entirely but the Philippine
courts seem to be aware that American men get extra money for having children
and give larger awards in that case.

It would be interesting to see posts from any male foreigner who has had a
better result. Each of my friends who have been through it seem happier once
they have accepted that this is the way things are here. It is unfortunate that
they each spent a lot of money on lawyers before they accepted it.

 

I know an American in Makati who paid over $50,000 in legal and processing fees to get his former girlfriend to give him permanent custody of their son born out of wedlock. A few years later, he got his latest girlfriend pregnant, he told me he was going to marry her but never did as far as I know. We went to their child’s baptism in January and at least the couple were still together. The guy is 50 yrs old, made a lot of money and retired young and came to the PI and.... Sadly, there is an overwhelming number of girls in Makati who have kids and no husband, nice girls who work in restaurants and sports bars, I imagine it is the same in girly bars there.
I know many of the foreigners here are with girlfriends and not wives. Let’s hope there is some responsibility if they are going to have children by plan or accident. I have a house across the street from an orphanage, it is full.
I am not stating guys should marry their girlfriends; that is not necessarily popularly accepted here either. But fathering a child should be a life long responsibility and the father should pay accordingly, in my opinion.