Where's the humor on here?

I'm sure i wish i could view those pictures of Dignity.

 

Has this something to do with dignity/

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Death Of A Construction Worker


This construction worker had climbed 20 stories to the job site.

Once there he'd asked the foreman if he could go back down to take a leak. Not wanting to lose the time, the foreman balanced one I-beam across another, stood on one end, and told the worker to walk out to the other end to pee.

While the worker was doing his business, the phone rang. The foreman, forgetting what he was doing, stepped off the I-beam and the worker plunged 20 stories to his death.

The next week the safety inspectors came by to conduct a routine investigation into the accident. They talked to the ground crew.

"I think it was sex-related," offered one of the crew.

"Sex related? How do you figure that?" said the investigator.

"Well, what made me look up was this guy coming down, d**k in his hand, screaming, 'Where did that c**ksucker go?!'"

 

Girlfriend

"What happened to your girlfriend, that really cute math student?" "She no longer is my girlfriend. I caught her cheating on me." "I don't believe that she cheated on you!" "Well, a couple of nights ago I called her on the phone, and she told me that she was in bed wrestling with three unknowns..."

 

It is all a matter of perspective

A professor wrote this one at the board:

"A WOMAN WITHOUT HER MAN IS NOTHING"

He said to his students, place punctuation marks in that sentence!

All the boys wrote:
" A WOMAN, WITHOUT HER MAN,IS NOTHING."

while all the girls wrote:
"A WOMAN, WITHOUT HER, MAN IS NOTHING."

 

During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine whether
or not an older person should be put in an old age home?"
"Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup
and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because
it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup.."
"No" he said. "A normal person would pull the plug.
Do you want a bed near the window?"

 

Weight Loss Program

Weight Loss Program

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5lbs weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old Filipino babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck..

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."

Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later puffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 5lbs as promised.

He calls the company and orders their 5-day/10lbs program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy filipina woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can have me".

Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.

Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 10lbs as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/25 lbs program.

"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program." "Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."

The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular gay standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, you are mine."

He lost 33 lbs that week. O-|

 

A blonde went into a world wide message centre to send a message to her mother overseas.
When the man told her it would cost $300, she exclaimed: "I don't have any money." But I'd do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother."
The man arched an eyebrow (as we would expect).
"Anything?" he asked.
"Yes, yes, anything" the blonde promised.
Well, then, "Just follow me" said the man as he walked towards the next room.
The blonde did as she was told and followed the man.
"Come in and close the door" the man said.
She did.
He then said "Now get on your knees."
She did.
"Now take down my zipper."
She did.
"Now go ahead ..... Take it out....." He said.
She reached in and grabbed it with both hands.
Then paused.
The man closed his eyes and whispered, "Well ..... Go ahead."
The blonde slowly brought her mouth closer to it and while holding it close to her lips, .... .tentatively said .......
"Hello? Mommy, can you hear me?"

 

A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time.

So she went to check it out.

She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.

She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.

"Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. What's your name?

"Morris Feinberg," he replied.

"Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?"

"For about 60 years."

"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"

"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims."

"I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop."

"I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults and to love their fellow man."

"I pray that politicians tell us the truth and put the interests of the people ahead of their own interests."

"How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"

"Like I'm talking to a f------g wall."

 

Little Johnny Learns the Trades

Little Johnny's mom was trying to clean the house one day but Johnny would come right behind her and just make another mess. His mom told him to go next door and play at the construction site. She said he may learn something as well.

After about three hours, he returns home. His mom asked if he learned anything while he was there. He said, "yes maam"!

She asked what and he replied, "well, I learned that the d*mn door don't hang that way it goes the other way, and the dirt pile doesn't go there, the son of a b*tch goes over there, and somebody ordered the wrong f**king windows".

His mom immediately told him to go to his room until his father comes home.

Later his dad came home and after the mother informing him of what took place, he called him down and asked what he said.

"I told mom that the d*mn door don't hang that way, it goes the other way. And that the dirt pile doesn't go there, the son of a b*tch goes over there, and somebody ordered the wrong f**king windows".

His Dad was highly upset. He explained that they didn't use that kind of language in the house. He told the boy to march himself outside and get a switch.

Little Johnny turned to his dad and said "F**k you, that's the electrician's job".