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Where's the humor on here?

Discussion in 'Funny Stuff' started by grandpainak, Apr 16, 2007.

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  1. Eaglescout

    Eaglescout DI Junior Member

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    Cum again?

    2 men get onto a bus in New York. They sit down & engage in an animated conversation.
    The lady sitting next 2 them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when
    she hears 1 of them say the following:
    "Emma cums first.
    Den I cum.
    Den two asses cum together.
    I cum once-a-more!
    2 asses, they cum 2gether again.
    I cum again and pee twice.
    Then I cum one lasta time."

    The lady can't take this any more and shouts "You foul- mouthed sexobsessed men,
    in this country we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives however
    extraordinary they are."
    "Hey, coola down lady,' said the man. "Who talkin' about sex?
    I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell Mississippi."

    (I swear you're gonna read this again.)
     
    Eaglescout, May 24, 2014
    #2281
  2. Jack Peterson

    Jack Peterson DI Forum Luminary Highly Rated Poster SC Connoisseur Veteran Air Force

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    Talk about being Broke!!

    The step father said to his stepson, on leaving, with his suitcase.

    :eek:"Yo mama's so broke that, she couldn't even pay attention."O-|
     
    Jack Peterson, May 25, 2014
    #2282
  3. niskivich

    niskivich DI Member

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    niskivich, May 25, 2014
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  4. mokum

    mokum DI Senior Member

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    I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs.
    "Really" she said, "Go on then...try."
    After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"
    I said, "Yesterday."
    When you are over sixty who gives a sh*t?
     
    mokum, May 25, 2014
    #2284
  5. Don

    Don DI Member

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    Don, May 25, 2014
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  6. Don

    Don DI Member

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    LMAO!! I am sending this on to my very good, BLONDE friend in the states....she will laugh her AO also!
     
    Don, May 25, 2014
    #2286
  7. Eaglescout

    Eaglescout DI Junior Member

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    A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for
    valuables when a voice in the dark said, 'Jesus knows you're here.'

    He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he
    heard nothing more, he shook his head and continued.

    Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he
    heard 'Jesus is watching you.'

    Startled, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice.
    Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

    'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.
    'Yes', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he's
    watching you.'

    The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?'
    'Moses,' replied the bird.
    'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'
    'The kind of people who would name a Rottweiler Jesus.'
     
    Eaglescout, May 26, 2014
    #2287
  8. Jack Peterson

    Jack Peterson DI Forum Luminary Highly Rated Poster SC Connoisseur Veteran Air Force

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    Easy Riders! (Coming to the Boulevard soon)

    Smirk all you want, Stranger things have happened and it is " More Fun"
     

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    Jack Peterson, May 27, 2014
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  9. Charlie

    Charlie DI Senior Member Restricted Account Veteran Coast Guard

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    Ask your pharmacist

    ASK YOUR PHARMACIST



    What happens when you ask for help with an erection lasting more than 4 hours?



    I walked into a drug store and asked to talk to a male pharmacist.

    The woman I was talking to said that she was the only pharmacist and as she and her sister owned the store, there were no male employees.

    She then asked if she could help me. I said that it was something that I would be much more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist.



    The lady pharmacist assured me that she was completely professional and whatever it was that I needed to discuss,

    I could be confident that she would treat me with a high level of professionalism.



    I reluctantly agreed and began by saying, "This is tough for me to discuss, but I get erections every day that last more than four hours.

    It causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment, and I was wondering what you could give me for it."



    The pharmacist said, "Just a minute, I'll talk to my sister."



    When she returned, she said, "We discussed it at length and this is the absolute best we can do.

    ....1/3 ownership in the store,

    ....A company pickup truck,

    ....A king size bed and

    ....$3,000 a month in living expenses"
     
    Charlie, May 27, 2014
    #2289
  10. Jack Peterson

    Jack Peterson DI Forum Luminary Highly Rated Poster SC Connoisseur Veteran Air Force

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    OK, Now who, is talking Bull sh*t!

    Hoy! Listen, when I am talking to you Hombre.
     

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    Jack Peterson, May 28, 2014
    #2290
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