Where's the humor on here?

An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years.
He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed
it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn’t been there for a while, and look it over.
He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, ‘we’re not coming out until you leave!’
The old man frowned, ‘I didn’t come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.’
Holding the bucket up he said,
‘I’m here to feed the alligator…’

 

Distraught Farmer

A farmer has 200 hens, but no rooster, and he wants chicks. So he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster which he would sell.

The other farmer says, “Yeah, I’ve got this great rooster, named Randy. He’ll service every chicken you got, no problem.”

Well, Randy the rooster costs a lot of money, but the farmer decides he’ll be worth it. So he buys Randy.

The farmer takes Randy home and sets him down in the barnyard first, giving the rooster a pep talk. “Randy, I want you to pace yourself now. You’ve got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money. Consequently, I’ll need you to do a good job. So take your time and have some fun,” the farmer said, with a chuckle.
Randy seemed to understand, and when the farmer points toward the henhouse, he takes off like a shot. WHAM! Randy nails every hen in the hen house — three or four times. The farmer is shocked.

Later, the farmer hears a commotion in the duck pen, and sure enough, Randy is in there.
Later still, the farmer sees Randy after a flock of geese, down by the lake. Once again — WHAM! He gets all the geese.

By sunset, Randy is out in the fields chasing quail and pheasants.

The farmer is distraught — worried that his expensive rooster won’t even last 24 hours.

Sure enough, the farmer goes to bed and wakes up the next day, to find Randy dead as a doorknob — stone cold in the middle of the yard. Buzzards are circling overhead.

The farmer, saddened by the loss of such a colorful — and expensive — animal, shakes his head and says, “Oh, Randy, I told you to pace yourself. I tried to get you to slow down, now look what you’ve done to yourself.”

Randy opens one eye, nods toward the buzzards circling in the sky and says, “Shhh... They’re getting closer.”

 

Just wanted to let you all know...I had a terrible accident this afternoon..but I am doing better now..I decided this afternoon to go horseback riding in which I haven't done in years..Well, I got on the horse and started out slow and then we went a little faster and then we were going as fast as the horse could go...all of a sudden I fell off and caught my foot in the stirrup and the horse was dragging me around in a circle..It wouldn't stop..just going around and around in a circle.. if it weren't for a quick thinking man (I owe my life to) I would probably not have made it...thank goodness the store manager at Lee Plaza came out and unplugged the machine....

 

To go with a recent Topic.

 

Out of Mouths of babes!