Where's the humor on here?

duh...what does this button do...duh

 

Never argue with a woman

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.
Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out.
She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.
Along comes a Game Warden in his boat.
He pulls up along side the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?")
"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.
I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the
woman.
"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."

"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.

 

A cardiologist was buried in a
heartshaped coffin.

One of the Doctors laughed out loud.

When asked why, he said: "I'm just thinking about my coffin, I'm a GYNECOLOGIST....."

 

While touring an Indian reservation in North Dakota filming a documentary, Barbara Walters was puzzled as to why the difference in the number of feathers in the headdresses. So, she asked a brave who only had one feather in his headdress. His reply was: "Only have one woman. One woman, one feather."



Feeling the first fellow was only joking she asked another brave. This brave had two feathers in his headdress. And he replied: "Me have two women. Two women, two feathers."

Still not convinced the feathers indicated the number of sexual partners involved, she decided to interview the Chief.

Now the Chief had a headdress full of feathers, which, needless to say, amused Ms.Walters. She asked the Chief, "Why do you have so many feathers in your headdress?"

The Chief proudly pounded his chest and said: "Me Chief, me sleep with 'em all. Big, small, fat and tall, me sleep with 'em all."

Horrified, Ms. Walters stated, "You ought to be hung." The Chief said: "You d*mn right, me hung, big like buffalo, long like snake"

Ms. Walters cried, "You don't have to be so hostile" The Chief replied: "Hoss-style, dog-style, wolf-style, any style.. ... me sleep with 'em all." With tears in her eyes, Ms. Walters cried, "Oh dear." The Chief said: "No deer.. @ss too high, run too fast.

 

A guy walks in to a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them. Then he grabs some sliced limes and eats them. Then he jumps on to the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, somehow swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey did?"

The guy says, "No, what?"

"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table -- whole!"

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He eats everything in sight, the little b@st@rd. Sorry. I'll pay for everything."

The man finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate and leaves.

Two weeks later, he's in the bar again, and his pet monkey is with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his @ss, pulls it out and eats it. The bartender is disgusted.

"Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.

"No, what?" replied the guy.

"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his @ss, pulled it out and ate it!" said the bartender.

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He still eats everything in sight but, ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures everything first."

 

A man walks into a bar with a giraffe and they proceed to get blitzed. The giraffe drinks so much it passes out on the floor. The man gets up and heads for the door to leave when the bartender yells, "Hey! You can't leave that lyin' there!" The drunk replies, "That's not a lion! It's a giraffe."

 

Hung Chow calls in to work and says, "Hey, boss I not come work today, I really sick. I got headache, stomachache and my legs hurt. I not come work."

The boss says, "You know Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her give me sex. Makes everything better and I can go to work. You try."

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again: "Boss, I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house."

 

Oooooooops!! :D

 

Father's Day ad :D

 

Once upon a time in China , there lived a happy couple, Mr. & Mrs.Chan
with their 3 lovely daughters; Elaine, Ena & Ella.

The 3 daughters were brought up in a prim-and-proper way and when they reached 20, they were still virgins.

Years passed, and it was time to get them married. So, the parents found them the most suitable "leng chais" (handsome guys). They got married and were preparing to set-off on their honeymoon.

As 'concerned' parents, Mr.& Mrs. Chan were curious about their daughters' first-night experience. So, before the daughters went on their respective honeymoons, Mrs.Chan told them, "Your father & I want to know about your 1st night encounters and whether you are satisfied. Write a letter to us, but as not to raise your husbands' curiosity... you all must use a code to describe your experiences".

So, the excited daughters were off. A week passed. Mr. & Mrs.Chan got the first letter. It was from Elaine. They opened the letter and found the word STANDARD CHARTERED. They immediately took the newspaper and looked for the Standard Chartered advertisement. "Ah! Here it is!!!!" exclaimed Mr.Chan. The motto for Standard Chartered was.... "BIG, STRONG & FRIENDLY." Mr & Mrs.Chan were happy.

A week later, they got another letter. This time it was from Ena. The content was simple. "NESCAFE". So again they took the newspaper and looked for the Nescafe ad. "Ah! here it is..... 'NESCAFE: PLEASURE TILL THE LAST DROP.' Mr. and Mrs Chan jumped for joy.

Another week passed. A month passed. 2 months passed. There was still no letter from Ella. The Chans became worried. Finally, the letter came. It was scribbled and could hardly be read, but Mrs. Chan managed to figure it out. The code was "PHILIPPINE AIRLINES".

Mr. Chan, confused on why she chose Philippine Airlines, rushed to the
nearest store and got a newspaper.

He flipped the pages frantically....... "Ah! Here it is!!!" Mrs.Chan grabbed the page and read aloud. Before she could finish ....THUMP!!!... she fell off her chair... The Airline's motto was...

"7 TIMES A WEEK. 4 TO 6 TIMES A DAY. NON-STOP."