Where's the humor on here?

This is very funny ....have never come across a joke similar to this. The deer hunters are the ones who were being hunted by the supposed to be their victims. Yeah for change, I'd prefer the other way around, huhhuh. :D Thanks prog.

 

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly."
The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"
The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?
You know... The one that's red and has thorns."
"Do you mean a rose?"
"Yes, that's the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"

 

Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. "Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?" he asks.
"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"
"Sure."
"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks.
"No, I can remember it."
"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so's not to forget it?"
He says, "I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."
"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?" she asks.
Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!"
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes,
The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.
"Where's my toast ?"

 

A woman was in a coma, she had been in it for months.
Nurses were in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them was
washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the
monitor when she touched her. They tried it again and sure enough there was a small,
recognizable movement.

They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, "As
crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring
her out of the coma."

The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they'd close the
curtains for privacy. The husband finally agreed and went into his
wife's room.

After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart
rate. The nurses run back into the room. "What happened!?" they cried.

The husband said, "I'm not sure, maybe she choked".

 

The Chief Rabbi of Israel and the Pope are in a meeting in Rome.
The Chief Rabbi notices an unusually fancy phone on a side table in the
Pope's private chambers.
"What is that phone for?" he asks the Pontiff.
"It's my direct line to the Lord!"
The Rabbi is skeptical, and the Pope notices. The Holy Father insists
that the Rabbi try it out, and, indeed, he is connected to the Lord.
The Rabbi holds a lengthy discussion with Him.
After hanging up the Rabbi says. "Thank you very much. This is great! But
listen, I want to pay for my phone charges." The Pope, of course refuses,
but the Rabbi is steadfast and finally, the Pontiff gives in.
He checks the counter on the phone and says: "All right! The charges were
100 Euros."
The Chief Rabbi gladly hands over a bill.

A few months later, the Pope is in Jerusalem on an official visit.
In the Chief Rabbi's chambers he sees a phone identical to his and
learns it also is a direct line to the Lord. The Pope remembers he
has an urgent matter that requires divine consultation and asks if he can
use the Rabbi's phone. The Rabbi gladly agrees, hands him the phone, and
the Pope chats away.
After hanging up, the Pope offers to pay for the phone charges. The
Rabbi looks on the phone counter and says: "1 Shekel !"
The Pope looks surprised: "Only 1 Shekel, why's yours so cheap?"
The Rabbi smiles and replies..............

" Local call "

 

Emphasis on "used" :D

 

Pilosopo :D

 

Pilosopo Part II

 

Do You Know Who I Am?

An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver for being smart and funny, and making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.

During the final days at Denver's old Stapleton airport, a crowded United flight was canceled.

A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."

The agent replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."

The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "Do you have any idea who I am?"

Without hesitating, the gate agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone.

"May I have your attention please?" she began, her voice bellowing throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at the gate WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to gate 17."

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore "F&%$ you!!"

Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to stand in line for that, too."

The man retreated as the people in the terminal applauded loudly. Although the flight was canceled and people were late, they were no longer angry at United.

 

For Those Who Take Life Too Seriously

1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set
2. A day without sunshine is, like, night
3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
4. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
5. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
7. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
8. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be
misquoted, then used against you.
9. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
10. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
11. Remember half the people you know are below average.
12. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it
remains?
13. Nothing is foolproof to a talented fool.
14. Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
15. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
16. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
17. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
18. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the
cheese.
19. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
20. I intend to live forever - so far so good.
21. Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.
22. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
24. Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.25. The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
26. Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.