Where's the humor on here?

Value of proofreading:

Did I read that sign right?

TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW.

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In a Laundromat:

AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT.

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In a London department store:

BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS...

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In an office:

WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN.

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In an office:

AFTER TEA BREAK, STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD.

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Outside a second-hand shop:

WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ --

Notice in health food shop window:

CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS...

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Spotted in a safari park:
(I sure hope so.)

ELEPHANTS, PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR.

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Seen during a conference:

FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR.

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Notice in a farmer's field:

THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

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Message on a leaflet:

IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS.

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On a repair shop door:

WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK.)

------------------------------ --------------// Headline writing is becoming a lost art //----------------

Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife And Daughter

This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day.

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Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

Really? Ya' think?

------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ----------------------

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

Now that's taking things a bit far!

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Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

What a guy!
------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ---------------------

Miners Refuse to Work after Death

No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!

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Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works better than a fair trial!

----------------------------- ------------------------------ ------------------------------ -----------------------

War Dims Hope for Peace

I can see where it might have that effect!

------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ----------------------

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile

Ya' think?!

------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ----------------------

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

Who would have thought!

------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ---------------------

Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

They may be on to something!

------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ --------------------

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?
------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ --------------------

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge

He probably IS the battery charge!

------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ --------------------

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

Weren't they fat enough?!

------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ --------------------

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

That's what he gets for eating those beans!

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Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

Do they taste like chicken?

****************************** ****************************** ********************

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

Chainsaw Massacre all over again!

****************************** ****************************** ****************************** ****

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

Boy, are they tall!

****************************** ****************************** ****************************** *****

And the winner is...

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Did I read that right?

****************************** ****************************** ****************************** ***

 

I lost the pub quiz last night by one point.
The last question was "Where do women have the curliest hair?"
Apparently the correct answer is Fiji.

 

I see people driving alone in their car wearing a mask.....
And wonder if they lay in bed alone wearing a condom?

 

There is an easy explanation for these: They are working. Because there are rules to wear protective gear and masks at the work place.

 

I thought it was to stop Canadians from licking the windows.

 

Very funny and another euphemism to add to the list. 'It's more fun in Fiji'.

 

My favourite. And reminds me that before I moved here my asawa told me that it is easy to get repairs done to anything in the Philippines - she said there is always someone can do it. She missed out the word 'badly'

And this one is not funny, but I can see how it confuses people: