Where's the humor on here?

This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade. So remember this story the next time someone who knows nothing and cares less tries to make your life miserable.
> A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband... She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:
> “Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty...
> You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"
> "We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"
> "Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser... “That’s a terrible airline.
> Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"
> "We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome'sTiber River called Teste."
> "Don't go any further... I know that place. Everybody thinks it’s gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."
> "We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."
> "That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant.
> Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."
> A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.
> "It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us p to first class... The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot.
> And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"
>"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."
> "Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.
> Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."
> "Oh, really! What'd he say?"
> He said: "Who the f*ck did your hair?"

 

A Biker's Tale

A Harley biker is riding by the zoo in Washington , DC when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the collar of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents. The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.


Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly. Nearby, a news reporter has watched the whole event. The reporter addressing the Harley rider says, 'Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I've seen a man do in my whole life.' The Harley rider replies, 'Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger and acted as I felt right.'


The reporter says, 'Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, you know, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page... So, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have? The biker replies, 'I'm a U.S. Marine and a Republican.' The journalist leaves.


The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on the front page:

U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH

 

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.

The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
'What does it look like?' she finally asked.
The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has your picture on it.'
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop...

 

thanks, so funny and made my day and will pass it on endlessly. Conan and Leno should put this one to their audience. Glad to be a redhead!

 

Thanks. I'm glad you enjoyed it. :D

 

Earl and Bubba are quietly sitting in a boat fishing,

chewing tobacco and drinking beer when suddenly

Bubba says, "Think I'm gonna divorce the wife - she

ain't spoke to me in over 2 months."

Earl spits overboard, takes a long, slow sip of beer and says,

"Better think it over.............women like that are hard to find."

 

1955 FORD THUNDERBIRD
and the conversations that went with it!



Comments made in the year 1955!
(That was 55 years ago!)​

'I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, it's going to be impossible to buy a week's groceries for $20.00.

'Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won't be long before $2,000.00 will only buy a used one.

'If cigarettes keep going up in price, I'm going to quit. A quarter a pack is ridiculous.

'Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging a dime just to mail a letter?

'If they raise the minimum wage to $1.00, Nobody will be able to hire outside help at the store. '

'When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost 29 cents a gallon… Guess we'd be better off leaving the car in the garage.

'I'm afraid to send my kids to the movies any more… Ever since they let Clark Gable get by with saying d*mn in GONE WITH THE WIND, It seems every new movie has either HELL or d*mn in it.

'I read the other day where some scientist thinks it's possible to put a man on the moon by the end of the century. They even have some fellows they call astronauts preparing for it down in Texas .

'Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for $75,000 a year just to play ball? It wouldn't surprise me if someday they'll be making more than the President.

'I never thought I'd see the day all our kitchen appliances would be electric.
They are even making electric typewriters now.

'It's too bad things are so tough nowadays.. I see where a few married women are having to work to make ends meet.

'It won't be long before young couples are going to have to hire someone
to watch their kids so they can both work.

'I'm afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the door to a whole lot of foreign business.

'Thank goodness I won't live to see the day when the Government takes half our income in taxes. I sometimes wonder if we are electing the best people to congress.

'The drive-in restaurant is convenient in nice weather, but I seriously doubt they will ever catch on.

'There is no sense going to Lincoln or Omaha anymore for a weekend, it costs nearly $15.00 a night to stay in a hotel.

'No one can afford to be sick anymore, at $35.00 a day in the hospital it's too rich for my blood.'

'If they think I'll pay 50 cents for a haircut, forget it.'

Know any friends who would get a kick out of the above, pass it on! Be sure to send it to your kids and grandkids too!

 

My "shopping days" are long over, but this is toooooo funny! :D

Beer Goggles!

YouTube - Beer Goggles

 

The Title should be;

"The Fruit Bares All"