⌛ The loving inlaws--

Prenap.....no no no...on a windy day it will be gone...don't look for it, because it has no value....remember money talks and papers disappear or are nulled.

Cheers,
Ron

 

If you legally own the land, then charge them high rent, that might make them move away.

 

FIRST Filipinos do not think the same as westerners do. If a Filipina has a nice dress, that dress belongs to everyone in her family. If she refuses to let her sister wear it.....she is a "bad" selfish sister. Filipinos have inordinate pride....an overwhelming concern for what others think.....especially her family..... she does not ever want to be the "bad selfish sister".... the family bond is so strong you as an outsider have no competitive chance. I have seen members of the family doing things that would get them killed in other cultures but in the Philippines....." Pakiki Sama" means they are forgiven....family above all things..... it is the heart of the culture

That generous offer of the land was NOT to give sole you rights.... but merely to let you use family property.....the land still is "the families"...... and if you do not let them share.... you are a bad selfish man.....

Unless you have a title in your name (wife's name)....and a plot survey..... you are out of luck.....you have no "rights".... fighting with the family will put your wife in great difficulty ....her loyalties will be split...

I only see two possible solutions..... ONE find your own place and start over.....TWO find them a new place....offer to build them their own place....if you pull off that miracle.....then fence in "your" land and get title.....

 

PRE-NUPs...... They mean little.....even in other countries..... many have pointed out the "flexibility" of the Philippine legal system .....but even in America pre-nups are easily broken especially in cross cultural marriages where English is not her first language and she did not have her own lawyer.
And do not trust in her "ignorance".... Filipinos are very bright and quick to learn.... because a pre-nup lacks "romance" it will be the subject of "girl talk" and that "dumb" wife will get a Phd from her girlfriends in a hurry.....

A pre-nup is not worth the effort..... and to assume because you have deeper pockets than her you can control the Philippine legal system.....do not be so sure....there is the "foreigner" factor.... in a foreigner vs Filipino fight the foreigner has two strikes against them from the beginning..... things could go against you no matter how much money you have..... blood is thicker than water ( money).....has meaning here

 

Well, pretty much everything that can be said, has been said.
The bottom line is to move and start over.
Having lived here for only a year and married for only 11 months has showed me that 100% of what Kojak says about family is true, including clothes. I buy my wife any clothing or slippers and in a few days her 21 year old sister (same size) is sharing them. I bought my wife her own laptop when I came here. It is now "the family's laptop" and of course family means all aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. Our house has wi-fi internet, so it is now the family's and friends "chat room" for free.
I'm afraid that Kojak nailed it perfectly correct.

 

Well, pretty much everything that can be said, has been said.
The bottom line is to move and start over.
Having lived here for only a year and married for only 11 months has showed me that 100% of what Kojak says about family is true, including clothes. I buy my wife any clothing or slippers and in a few days her 21 year old sister (same size) is sharing them. I bought my wife her own laptop when I came here. It is now "the family's laptop" and of course family means all aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. Our house has wi-fi internet, so it is now the family's and friends "chat room" for free.
I'm afraid that Kojak nailed it perfectly correct.

 

My wife and I are sitting here laughing and is wondering who these people are. Families with no disipline and order, uneducated and flat out stupid. My wifes family both in Philippines and USA have never forced themselves onto us and will never just walk in to our house. We don't like it and they know it. My Filipina is very tough when it comes to privacy and made it very clear to the whole family that she is in charge of her home and nobody else. The utmost respect has been shown by her family and we all have the highest respect for each other. Part of the problem is that many families in Phil are uneducated and beleive they have all the rights because a family member married a foreigner... They are dead wrong and end up as losers at least in my family if it will ever happend. Set the rules straight from day one and never back off, that is how my wife handle her family. Not all families are a like, some are high class people..... educated and very respectfull of others!



Cheers,
Ron

 

RonEtue is also right. The only "arguement" that we have had was about 6 months ago when I set down some rules.
Since I came here with 2 laptops, I said that mine was for me only and nobody else could use it. I came here with the 2 iPhones and nobody at all is allowed to touch them now. I have slowly but positively gotten away from being the local source for family money, but it was a hard thing to do, after the fact. This even applies to food. Buying a sack of rice does not mean that you can give it all away. And this applies to all food items, as well as all household items such as shampoo and soap that I buy in bottles and not sachets.
I did "bend" to allow the continued use of our second laptop and the Internet but limited it to only certain hours in the evenings.
And Mae is slowly, but surely, cutting down on the clothes thing.
It is very hard to stop things once they are an established pattern.
But, I am learning very slowly how to do things to solve these problems.
Everything is very difficult to change once a pattern has been established.

 

I subscribe to the 7107 islands principle.

I will give odds that one time or another your wife has gifted or loaned money or something to a family member WITHOUT telling you. No matter how much she tells you that she loves you, she loves her family more and when it comes down to brass tacks she will choose them over you especially if she can do something without you knowing. Are you fluent in Cebuano? Do you really know what they are saying when emitting sounds similar to hyenas feasting?

I have come to expect this so it does not bother me anymore. I don't go digging around, but every once in awhile I find out about a donation or gift. I don't bring it up at the time, but later I will make mention of it when she doesn't see it coming and she appologizes. I do not use it when having a disagreement with her because it is a wasted opportunity to let her know that I find out sooner or later.

High class educated people????? When I was out of town, my wife attended some family function at my landlord's house. His flaming gay brother in law had some of his "high class educated" friends over and when my wife came to the house and one of those "high class educated people" looked at her and had the audacity to comment how foreigners have bad taste in women and prefer ones that look like monkeys. The flaming gay man agreed with his friend. Needless to say, we won't darken their doorstep anymore.

I prefer those simple people to the "high class educated asshats" around here. If they only knew that their diplomas are not of any use anywhere else in the world they might tone it down a little. They are the worst offenders at abusing and degrading their fellow Filipinos.

 

Words for the wise!! The whole key is setting up the rules and enforcing them! No rules and they will walk all over you. Rules = order = respect.