⌛ The loving inlaws--

Ron,

I altogether quit buying anything for my wife for quite awhile based on her regifting. I had to explain that in my culture, when someone is thoughtful enough to take the time to look, decide, purchase, wrap and give a gift to someone else it is like a slap in the face when the recepient gives it away. I also told her she will have no gifts to regift as long as it keeps happening. She now understands and she does not do that anymore. Of course she still gives away things that she buys for herself and does not like anymore but that is on herand is expected.

Solution to the internet situation.. I take it you are the master of the WiFi router? Setup a password on the Wifi and at certain times enable encryption so that people have a window of time to use your place as the local internet cafe. I am sure they are surfing with their phones too and sucking your bandwidth. Two hours a night should be fair.

If you get mad at her, she will redouble her efforts to do what she is doing to make you mad in order to "win". I used to complain about extended visits from the family but found they don't happen anymore because I don't complain about them. I am fully supportive of her inviting a bunch over and even buy the rum to get the boys feeling happy. She will get tired of them and send them on their way.

When I was a kid we had a sign in our house that said "Fish and visitors smell after 3 days". When I told the wife about that sign we had and she thought it was rude. I guess she does not feel that way anymore because now when we have someone who overstays their welcome she will say to me "I guess it is true about fish and visitors." Time to find a signmaker to duplicate the family sign.

 

Hello Joe,
You missed the point....the flaming gay was jealous, and wanted you and your money..... Of course nobody looks better than him and think about all the lovely sex they offer. He is a very disrespectful, stupid man.
Real high class well educated people often are very simple when you get to know them. There is a group..."Newrichpeople"..."snobbs" acting like they own the world, maybe educated but still low class people in my opinion.
Simplicity has nothing to do with being rich or poor, it has to do with how your family raised you and what the family stands for. Simplicity is most often very beautiful in every way. Viva Filipinas!

Ron

 

Naturally there are exceptions to every rule......but I do not think education is necessarily the critical factor.....true there may be a little less civility and respect the lower you get.... but the general role of filial relationships is consistent across class lines.....

My family is VERY poor....very uneducated..... long tough story which nobody is interested in..... but they always show respect.... NEVER invade my home without permission.... appreciate what I and my wife do for them.....but the interpersonal relationships within the family is where my WIFE has problems.... I had to throw her sister out of my house....she was not allowed to return for a year.... still on probation

The relationship of your wife and her family is very different than what westerners are use to..... and very conflicting for her...... My brother was a selfish user.... I cut him out of my life.....
a Filipino family can not do that..... they will fuss and fight..... but the bottom line is.....HE IS FAMILY....
One of the conflicts is the mother is the head of the house / family.... she makes the rules.... she must be respected and obeyed.... NOW comes along her daughter who marries wealth....has more economic power.....becomes the de facto economic head of the family.... conflicts start....stress starts.....

I make lots of rules..... they rarely follow them..... but I make them

 

All done...and it works all the time.....

 

Whether we realize it or not, we complicate their lives when we enter the picture. Exactly opposite of what one would expect. We have several family members that have been 86'd and even though she has come to the decision in somecases I conveniently volunteer to be the "bad selfish guy"

 

I didn't miss the point, I have had plenty of opportunities to meet "educated" people here and they for the most part are full of themselves to the degree that they look and act ridiculous. My favorite "refined person" is an assistant professor at Sillyman and she takes the cake. She even belittles her husband for being an undergrad even though he is very intelligent, has loads of common sense, and a great personality.

On the other hand, I had the opportunity to meet the owner of Cebuana Luhillier Pawnshops while he was out visiting his branch at Market! Market! on a Sunday morning. He did not tell me who he was until several minutes into the conversation and is a very likeable guy. Look for his new condo project soon to rise on the boulevard where his branch that shares a lot with the Blue monkey is.

 

My former Asian wife once told me, "in Asia, blood is thicker that water".

 

I have had the pleasure of meeting a cross section of Dumaguete Society.... from the abject poor living on public land..... to the cream of society in our little corner of the world
There seems to be no consistent pattern...... there are people of class at every level.... for me "class" is not economic.....it has to do with attitude and values..... Congressional Representative Josie Lamichuk (spelling?)... comes from a rich family.... but is the perfect example of a lady with "class".... very gracious and not full of herself.....

In my estimation, generally the people who are the worst are those that started with nothing and when they are fortunate enough to buy some symbols of wealth.....(home, car, etc).... suddenly think money or possessions give them class.... make them "better" than others..... true class knows no economic level......

 

Two good points here.
KDF said about rules. That is right. You must set the rules and enforce them in such a way as not to appear an a'hole or unyielding, but still firm.
As for Joe's comment about "high class" people. I agree there also. I seem to get along much better with the locals that do not think they are high-class. To me, the non upper-class people are much easier and friendly. The working class people are my friends here.

 

Ok Hi again . Well thanks alot for all the responce, I got a lot more than I ever expected. And most of you seems to think moving away is the best solution. Well that's what we are going to do. A Plot of land has been secured on Bohol province. 3500 sm2. No less. With no relatives nearby at all. Lol. We have enough room there to build that manison my wife wants. I only wants a ok, little house on the Prairie style. Well anywhy, the relatives has been told about our decision. They are worried it's to far and expensive to visit us there. :D
I dont really share their worries. Our old house is their for the taking, they can feel free to raise as many roosters and pigs as they want. I may never go back to that town. But will visit Dumaguete once in a while. Well oki If I could only sell that house. Maybe get back the 20 000Dollars I spent there back in 1988.
Ok Anybody wanna buy a nice little 2 story house north of DGTE? Two extra small houses is included in the deal, and about 16 loving inlaws. Thank you all. Hasta la vista.:p