Where's the humor on here?

The Kiwi and the Gorilla

As a little background information, there is a degree of rivalry between Australians and New Zealanders (called Kiwis because of the flightless bird called a Kiwi), and this joke was generated by Australians. Kiwis are treated with mostly good natured derision, and it's reciprocated.

Kevin was a young Kiwi guy working at Taronga Park (Sydney) Zoo cleaning cages etc.

The pair of gorillas had been of concern for some time because it didn't matter what was tried, the female couldn't fall pregnant.

The Curator thought he'd play a long shot and ask Kevin if he would be interested in helping out, so he was summoned and asked, "Would you be interested in having sex with the female gorilla for $500.00?"

Kevin thought about it for a few minutes and said he'd need a few days to make a decision.

A few days later he was in the Curator's office and said that he'd made a decision and he'd be happy to do it. The Curator was beside himself with excitement until Kevin said there would be a couple of conditions. "So what are the conditions Kevin?" the Curator asked.

Well, you must never tell anybody about this, and I need a week to come up with $500.00!!

 

kiwi boys dont take their girlfriends to the football because the eat the grass.

 

An old boy was out driving his car. The phone in his car rang and when he answered, it was his wife. "Be careful on the road George" she said. "I just heard a report on the radio that there is a car going the wrong way down the motorway". "It's not just one car" replied George, "there's hundreds of them".

 

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-Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'

She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'

The defense attorney nearly died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said,

'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.'

 

When Hillary was released from the hospital a reporter asks Bill Clinton,

" How's your wife’s head ? "


He replied, "we'll, she's no Monica."

 

I heard when the russian sub sank in 2002 they flew monica to the sight to suck the seaman out of it

 

A guy came home and told his wife i had a beer with our new milkman at the pub today, he told me that he has had sex with all the women in our street except one. The wife replied that would the stuck up b*tch at number 6