Where's the humor on here?

No offense to my KIWI MATES lol

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DIALOGUE BETWEEN A LADY INTERVIEWER WITH A MALE BEER DRINKER:

Lady Interviewer: Do you drink every day?
Man: Yes.
Lady Interviewer: How much a day?
Man: Around 3 six-packs starting at noon.
Lady Interviewer: How much does a 6-pack cost?
Man: Roughly $10.00 at a deli.
Lady Interviewer: And how long have you been drinking like that?
Man: 15 years.
Lady Interviewer: So with a six-pack costing $10.00, and you consuming 3 six-packs a day, you are spending roughly $900 each month. In one year, you would then be spending $10,800, correct?
Man: Correct.
Lady Interviewer: If in 1 year you spend $10,800 on beer, not accounting for inflation, 15 years puts your spending roughly $162,000; correct?
Man: Correct.
Lady Interviewer: Did it ever occur to you that if you did not drink for the last 15 years, you could have bought a Ferrari?
Man: Do you drink?
Lady Interviewer: No.
Man: So where's your bloody Ferrari?

THE END.

 

View attachment 10280 happy easter

 

The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special target of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had enough. "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?" he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back." "You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "Let's see what you got." The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Get in."

 

A Banbury senior citizen drove his brand new BMW Z3 convertible out of
the car salesroom. Taking off down the motorway, he floored it to 90
mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
"Amazing!" he thought as he flew down the M40, enjoying pushing the
pedal to the metal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw
a police car behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.
"I can get away from him - no problem!" thought the elderly nutcase as
he floored it to 110 mph, then 120, then 130 mph. Suddenly, he
thought, "What on earth am I doing? I'm too old for this nonsense!"
So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police
car to catch up with him.

Pulling in behind him, the police officer walked up to the driver's
side of the BMW, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in
10 minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend. If
you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard
before, I'll let you go."

The man, looked very seriously at the policeman, and replied, "Years
ago, my wife ran off with a policeman. I thought you were bringing
her back."

"Have a good day, Sir," said the policeman.

 

Had to laugh at this, Unsupervised, it could and most likely, will, happen



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Thought some may find it funny, with the builds going on! :D


JP

 

Clean Floor



While carpenters were working outside the old house she had just bought, a lady busied herself with indoor cleaning.

She had just finished washing the floor when one of the workmen asked to use the bathroom.

With dismay, the lady looked from his muddy boots to her newly scrubbed floors.

"Just a minute," she said, thinking of a quick solution. "I'll put down newspapers."

"That's all right, lady," said the carpenter. "I'm already housetrained."

 

just need to think Positive (Sometimes!)

:D My answer to Drink Driving :p


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Hey come on, it is worth a thought, after all. "It is more fun in the Philippines" Seems anything goes here so, Why not




JP:p

 

At The Emergency Room


Mitch is working at the site, pushing a plank through the buzz saw, when he accidentally shears off all ten of his fingers. He manages to drive himself to the nearest hospital's emergency room.

The doctor takes one look at Mitch's bloody stumps and says, "Oh my gosh, reattachment surgery on so many lost digits has never been attempted before! But don't worry, I'm the best surgeon in the hospital, give me the fingers, and we'll get to work."

Mitch says, "I haven't got the fingers."

The doctor looks flabbergasted. "What do you mean, you haven't got the fingers? It's the 21st century! We've got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could have put them back on and made you like new. Why didn't you bring in the fingers??"

Mitch says, "Well, Doc, I couldn't exactly pick the freaking things up!

 

I had a german shepherd that could steer quite well but had difficulty reaching the pedals.