Update: I was issued an Exit Visa and given 6 days to leave country. I left the day after the visa was issued and I'm currently in the US (at the Centurion Lounge in DFW trying to fight off a bad case of the sobers). The lawyer said this was a one time deal for the 3 people I worked in with my passport/visa. The attorney has refused to even attempt to do it for anyone else with the company with an expired visa.
I have put together a word document with all the required documentation, procedures and other attorney POCs. If anyone on the Googles comes across this just send me a message and I'll share what I've learned.