Damned if you Do and Damned if you Don't ! Wrye I think you are being a brave man either way on this, " Damned if you do and Damned if you Don't " comes to mind here. For me it is a no go, not just the age thing, but the timing Element. I remember when I asked Mama for Azon's hand after 1&1/2 years, my goodness 1001 questions, from all over the family. I smiled because when I had Finished that evening, they knew more about me than my Bank Manager. It felt at times like I was Filling in an application form Verbally and we are 18 years apart. but this is me and of course, we all have our own Stories to tell. I have bells ringing in my ears Purely reading he is a Teacher, So many years watching his Back, now this. what's he going to do? do treat her like a Student and try and relive a life he never had? I am glad it is not my Problem and Wrye I truly Hope it does not become an out and out Problem for you and destroy what you have. I came across this article on this Subject, some may Find it Interesting. I think maybe a little real unknowing and book like, the Author I doubt, has a living knowledge of the PI just like our teacher Man. Reading about it is so very Different to Living it. Relationships In The Philippines: JP
Going from Novice to Amateur by readying. There was a book I read: "A man's guide to Life and Love in the Philippines (Start a new life in the Philippines or find a wife to bring home) by Larry Elterman. It was an eye opener for me and very interesting as the author (supposedly from Dumaguete) divided the ladies into about 6 groups and the expats into about 5 groups and then match them up and gave the consequences of each type match. The author has a spirited way to write and it is interesting reading... I learned barely enough to survive in the Philippines... and not nearly enough to handle the lioness and tigers found at Why Not... or on the boulevard. I would recommend it to anyone thinking about coming here and planning to deal with any type of relationships with Filipinos.
BE positive about your own life... let him learn the hard way... I agree with Jack Peterson, you are in a "Damned if you do and Damned if you Don't " type of situation. However that does not stop me from throwing in my thoughts regarding a fantasy type relationship this sounds like to me. I believe there are quite a few stumbling blocks, if not just downright road blocks, to a quickie marriage here. My friend got married about 5 years ago, an American Citizen to a Filipina. He married here; I believe he had to be in the country for 21 days before the wedding, not much time but much longer than 3 days. Since he had been divorced he could not get a "Catholic" church wedding which we all know is critical in this highly religious country. You know all the other issues, such as NBI clearance, documented clearance from the UK embassy that is eligible to get married (not presently married) if he wants to get married here or the other members can mention them. There are lots of other road blocks to travel now in many of the countries when trying to travel. Since you work in the terrorist related field maybe you could put her (or him) on a terrorist list somewhere. I think that would stop all travel by either of them. This is probably illegal and would get you in more trouble than it is worth. (keep an open mind and look at all opportunities to cause yourself and them problems.) Quite a few here have listed the hormones of the young ladies as a motivating factor, although it is probably his hormones that are racing... I think that the families (no malice toward your GF's family) desire for new "bread winner" in the family is probably a stronger motivation than anyone's hormones. How many times have I heard from a young lady: "I want to help my family by getting a good job (or foreigner) to support them. As many of us know, the attractive young ladies are often groomed as the "bread winner" and sent out to "get" the foreigner. A dead poor foreigner is still considered wealthy by most Filipinos. I was shown shoes at one of the mall stores, and they were repeatedly "ugly" in my opinion. When I ask the sales lady why she was selecting those shoes, she said she knew I was a foreigner, and I had money and those were the most expensive shoes in the stores....... I thanked her for her honesty and left the store in amazement. I do think that is a prevailing way of thinking of foreigners here by foreigners. Final thoughts…Personally, I would congratulate him, invite him for a long visit (even at your house so you can get to know a potential "brother-in-law" better (remember you both have to marry into the family to get that title), let him experience all the other young ladies in town (take him to "Grandfather and Granddaughter's" night at Why Not... that is every night they are open) , hear about all the scams and get his feet on the ground in negotiating a safe route through this culture.. Invite him to join the forum so he can become educated to this culture (after you figure out how to block him for reading this threat and our comments). He may even make you look like a good guy if he is not a good guy in the family eyes. Think positive about you own life. Remember fantasy relationships seem to be the type with little or not knowledge of the other person involved, emotionalized either by lack of knowledge or misrepresentation on someone's part, but they can be exciting for a short time for someone locked up in a class room for most of his life.
"I believe he had to be in the country for 21 days before the wedding" There is no such official requirement. However it usually does take three weeks to jump through the hoops of obtaining the marriage license. Larry
LoL I wouldn't waste a favor by having him thrown on a no-fly list. I don't even think I know a person to call for that favor. I have sent a friend request to him on Facebook. He is still in the Philippines right now and I doubt he will check it while he is spending his time with his new found lust. I plan on playing it nice (as any words of discouragement would probably be copy/pasted straight to the entire family). I'm not sure how I will proceed just yet. The ball is in his court right now, nothing I can do until he passes me the ball. It will work out to where I am on my vacation in Dumaguete when this marriage is supposed to happen.
As we are here, I came across this, I believe it is the latest up to date, information. might be useful to some. Registration of Application for Marriage License | National Statistics Office JP
Well just don't forget to bring something special and expensive. You may very well just ruin the wedding night. O-xI
Well, they fail to mention that most all Local Civil Registers(LCR) run pretty much by their own interpretations, and that most all now require a CENOMAR, not only from the Filipino but from the foreigner, nor do they mention the seminar which is supposed to be for those where one party is below 25, but most all LCRs will require it even if both are over 60. Both have been required for quite some time now. Getting Married in the Philippines That is just what I can think of right off the top that is not complete. I'm sure there is more, such as the 10 day waiting period, and it varies by who you talk to (which person in which LCR). Larry
Am I right in Thinking that there was talk about, producing a Police Clearance from the foreigners Country of Origin for this also ? JP
