Dumaguete Info Search


Finance & Legal Abandoned wife.

Discussion in 'Businesses - Services - Products' started by hawk263, Nov 27, 2015.

  1. Frenchcarpenter

    Frenchcarpenter DI New Member

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    I may be mistaken because this is based on old information, but: to be a legitimate marriage, the American must first obtain a certificate of eligibility to marry at the US embassy. If he/she has it, and if the marriage is conducted by a person legally authorized to marry, then it automatically enters the NSA records. How the USA finds out that the marriage actually occurred, I have no idea, but they don't seem to know until the newly married apply for a temporary resident's card (called green card, actually pink). To determine whether the NSA recorded the marriage, simply apply for a copy at the Dumaguete office of NSA, get it in minutes. But as I say, this is old information.
     
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  2. DaveD

    DaveD DI Senior Member Showcase Reviewer Veteran Navy

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    You are basically correct but here in Philippines it's called the "NSO" for National Statistics Office I believe.
     
  3. tlrtraveler

    tlrtraveler DI Forum Adept

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    This article is the "flip-side" of the above coin, written by Fred Reed---and why many of us are here in the Philippines rather than dealing with the "land-sharks" in our home countries: Hope you enjoy the read!

    Matrimony, Holy or Otherwise

    A Movable Concentrtion Camp

    If you are a young man, and contemplate matrimony with the love of your life, it is well to look at marriage from the standpoint of reason rather than sentiment. Men are, after all, male, and occasionally capable of reason. The first question to ask yourself is: Why marry? What would you gain? Would your troubles disappear? Would sex be better? Would food be more savory? Would you get tax breaks, enjoy more freedom? Do stock options come with marriage?

    Is there any practical advantage at all?

    For you, I mean. For her, the advantages are considerable, and the drawbacks few. Your salary will allow her an upscale house, something more important to her than to you, which on the odds she will get in the divorce. Marriage locks-in child support. Since men die younger, she will get to pick your bones. For her, it is a good deal.
    For you, no. Marriage has one purpose only, which is to get her legal hooks into you. Do not forget that American women, under the evanescent ivory skin, are eternally adolescent spoiled brats, feminine as a wrestler's jockstrap and primed, as soon as life's inevitable shocks come, to blame men for their unhappinesses. That means you.

    Do not dismiss the foregoing as clever cynicism. Nobody goes into marriage expecting divorce, but it comes very frequently, and she really does get the house and the children. In divorces, men lose. Your child support will be based on what the judge thinks you should earn—this is called “imputed income”—so that, if you are a stock broker, you cannot decide that you would rather work on a fishing boat in the Caribbean. If the judge thinks you may be a flight risk, she can confiscate your passport. Your wife’s lawyer may advise her to accuse you of sexually molesting the children. (So help me, this happens. In a divorce, the man wants to get out, the wife to get even.) You may be denied visitation.

    In the eyes of the court, the children are her property, to be done with as she chooses. She may remarry with an Air Force colonel she met in a meat bar, and be stationed in Okinawa. So much for your kids.
    She can ruin you at any moment. Can and, not unlikely, will. When the moment comes, you will be astonished at how much she knows about divorce law, how vicious she can be. In marriage, you are betting your future on the flip of a loaded coin.
    The sensible conclusion is that you are better off single, building a career or whatever you want in life, and dating such flowers as drift by.

    Should you marry, the pleasure will be fleeting. Remember that women work on the principle of bait, switch, and fade. From fifteen to, say, twenty-five, they are dreams afoot, cute, with perfect skin and aerodynamic lines. That is what you think you are marrying. Add five or ten years, ten or twenty pounds, and the lack of any reason to continue being charming—and you are going to spend the rest of your life with it. Too many men marry the package, and only discover the content when it is too late.

    Matrimony is seldom a happy state in America. Given that something like half of marriages end in divorce, you can bet that a lot of others almost do. Of the remainder, probably more are contented than happy. Resignation is not pleasant, but often the best you can hope for.
    Live with her i f you must, but don’t marry her. A woman cohabiting has at least some incentive to be agreeable. A married woman does not. Worth pondering is that, in a time of declining economy, feckless government, and political instability, the fewer responsibilities you attach to yourself, the better.
    The very idea of marriage is problematic. In many ways, men and women are incompatible. Exceptions and degrees, yes, but on average women are more domestic, materialistic, fearful, totalitarian, and comfortable with routine. This means that to the extent you have masculine interests, you will find her to be an anchor. This doesn’t mean only that she won’t like that awful motorcycle or that noisy Corvette thingy. She won’t want to live in a small condo in the funky part of town, go to the shooting range, or scuba dive.
    It is said that marriage rests on compromises, but in fact it rests on concessions, and you will make all of them. You will find your social life gravitating fast to other married couples. She won’t want you to have single female friends (nor will you want her to have single male frieds: Marriage is based on mistrust.). Worse, she won’t want you to have single male friends. She will want you where she can keep an eye on you. Forget going out with the guys.

    Children, which she will persuade you that you want, on thought you probably don’t want. They are an ungodly burden until they reach adolescence, at which point they become ungodly monsters, before leaving for university and becoming ungodly expenses. Babies are cute, but they smell, make noise, and require constant attention.
    You may well find that you do not particularly like your children. You probably have certain tastes in regard to character, intelligence, and so on. Your children may not have these qualities. In romantic theory you should love them because they are yours. In practice you have to say that you do.

    One reads today that young men have turned to pornography and masturbation instead of having a normal, healthy interest in women—“normal,” and “healthy” according to women. This is debatable. A man who sits home choking his chicken does not have to put up with irrational behavior, unreasonable demands, PMS, nutty mood swings, “relaltionship” talk, or unending expense. Masturbation seldom involves separation. Even an American judge is unlikely to award child support for imputed children. Porn offers more variety that the average girlfriend. In terms of cost and benefit, flogging the bishop can make much more sense.

    If you look at marriage analytically, you see that it is designed entirely to benefit her, not you. It is a raw deal. In return for bad sex, you tie yourself to a rapidly aging, plumping member of a sex that doesn’t like you, has little in common with you, and will control every aspect of your life until the breakup. Ask yourself, “Do I really like talking to her as much to guys, or am I attracted only to her pearly skin, her ruby lips, and other short-term investments?” Or, “If she were male, would I think she was interesting?”

    Conservatives rumble about the declining white population, the need to keep up with the Chinese, and the economy’s dependence on housing starts. You might respond, “Bugger off.” It isn't your problem. You owe nothing to a society that stacks the deck against you. Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die.
     
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  4. Frenchcarpenter

    Frenchcarpenter DI New Member

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    I sit corrected. I might also add that in the USA states keep marriage records, not the national government. The US government notes tax returns filed jointly or marital status of those filing separately but married. These constitute the basis for allocating social security payments, etc. So I doubt that the US embassy would be interested in recording a marriage contracted in the Philippines anyway.
     
  5. ChMacQueen

    ChMacQueen DI Forum Patron Highly Rated Poster Showcase Reviewer Veteran Army

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    Far as what I know she is completely SOL. She can't do anything to force him to pay or even pressure him through the US Embassy for anything. She can wait and try and file for an annulment due to being abandoned after the time period elapses and pay that but unless he is in the Philippines and and she can get the courts after him and/or immigration that's where it stops. As known the US Govt doesn't keep records of marriages or divorces and that is held by the state which will only hold the marriages and divorces done through that state. The US Embassy has no jurisdiction as it were to try and interfere plus whatever would apply would be state laws of where he lives as the US doesn't have a unilateral marriage law/system in place and its left to the states.

    Further she can claim whatever she wants and he could quite easily say something like *we got married and I found she was cheating on me and had a secret Filipino lover and the two of them had been scamming me for money since we met*. Then he claims he found out she was cheating on him and her pack of *lies* and up and left. Hence he never abandoned her but she abandoned her vows to him and the relationship was a complete fraud making the marriage a complete fraud. Now you have the US Embassy or whomever siding with the American of course and of course the Philippines siding with the Filipina and her story. Who is full of crap or not doesn't matter as none of it can actually be proven or disproven either way. The Philippines could rule against him and the US courts could rule against her. This is why the governments stay out of the business if its not within their own borders or some proven criminal behavior which *spousal abandonment* isn't considered by US law as we don't feel we own our spouse and still retain our freedom as a human being.
     
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  6. OP
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    hawk263

    hawk263 DI Forum Adept Blood Donor Veteran Army

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    Many thanks for the info - and to everyone else who replied. She's obviously wasting her time trying to pursue him. Looks like she will just go for a 'legal separation' - which I understand is much faster and cheaper to obtain.
     
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  7. Frodo

    Frodo DI Member Showcase Reviewer

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    Instead of trying to better document the marriage she may want to go in the opposite direction -- and see if she can make it so the marriage never happened in the eyes of the law. When a girl marries, even if the relationship subsequently fails, whenever she is in the Philippines she can NEVER EVER have sex with another man without risking going to prison for 7 years -- and that is 7 years for each and every fornication offense! And whoever fornicates with her ALSO risks 7 years in prison -- for each offense.

    Here is a nice summary of the law & consequences of adultery & concubinage in the Philippines:
    Philippines Legal Resources: ADULTERY AND CONCUBINAGE

    In her quest to get leverage against him she may in fact give him huge leverage over her.

    Some expats may think I am crazy, but I recommend getting a Certificate of No Marriage Record (CENOMAR) before sexing with a girl here. Getting a CENOMAR also helps prevent a Filipino spouse from coming out of the woodwork to shake down the foreigner for money. I've had Filipinas tell me they have not seen their husbands in many years and/or that the husband would not care, but I would NEVER risk 7 years in prison to sex with a married Filipina.

    Bottom Line: In her quest for retribution she may be setting herself up for a possible prison sentence in the future.
     
  8. Frodo

    Frodo DI Member Showcase Reviewer

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    P.S. A married Filipino can give consent to his wife's adultery -- prior to the act -- and that is a valid defense. However, I would want to see that consent in writing -- and notarized -- before establishing a sexual relationship with a married Filipina. In any case, I would start be getting a CENOMAR -- especially if I intended for her to live in my home. These are things the girl who is the topic of this thread should consider.
     
  9. Rye83

    Rye83 with pastrami Secured Account Highly Rated Poster SC Connoisseur Veteran Army

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    It is very rare for anyone to get convicted on an adultery charge here (especially in a case where the husband has abandoned the wife and is not around to file a case against her). The only real way you can prove that adultery has happened is if the woman gets pregnant and DNA tests are done to prove the father is not the husband.....and even that might not be enough. Best way to prove a spouse cheated on you and get a conviction is to throw large wads of cash at the judge.
    Once I figured out a woman was married she would never step foot in my house again.

    It's a shame the divorce laws are what they are in the Philippines. By not allowing divorce the church/government creates dysfunctional families (are two parents that absolutely despise each other really a "family"?) for children to grow up in.....which is the complete opposite of what the church/government claims the law is intended to do. Even if they do eventually allow divorce here could we really ever expect that "irreconcilable differences" would be considered grounds for divorce? That would imply that both parties share equal blame for the failed marriage, which goes completely against local culture (tough enough getting one party to accept fault, expecting both parties to accept the fault....lol forget about it). I think that Filipino lawmakers would be politically safer allowing dissolution of marriages. Dissolution leaves out the "who do we blame" part of ending a marriage....which falls much closer in line with the popular "let's not talk about the problem" mentality here. It's also likely the word "dissolution" does not hold the same negative connotations that "divorce" does to the average Filipino. Dissolution wouldn't waste as much of the courts time as divorce would by listening to both sides try to convince the judge how evil/wrong/at fault the other party is (which also means much less money being spent on lawyers).
     
  10. Old Codger

    Old Codger DI Member

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    Actually

    Actually, the last statement is not correct. I was married to a Filipina in the Philippines but divorced from her overseas. The registrar in the Philippines whose jurisdiction the marriage came under said that the divorce would be registered in the Philippines and that I and my ex wife were free to remarry.
     
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