⌛ Am I being scammed?

Hi everybody,

[I posted this thread on a different site, but I realized it gets very little traffic, so I'm posting here too. Forgive me if you read both.]

I've been lurking on this forum for a while, reading a lot of good stuff. Finally I have the urge to post my dilemma.

I live in the US, just hit 40, and have been thinking I want a change. I've always wanted to live and work in SE asia, for the lifestyle and the women, and finally that possibility is materializing due to some changes in my job situation.

So, I joined an asian dating site, not so much to find a mate, but mainly to converse with chicks who live in various countries to see which I liked the best (the girls and the countries). I also wanted to make some friends who could possibly help ease the transition to living in their country, and I figured I wouldn't mind compensating them for their time if appropriate.

Then one day I'm chatting on the site and this gorgeous 22-year-old filipina IMs me. The first thing she says is, "Hi, I'm a ladyboy." Well, I appreciated the honesty and I'm not disgusted by it, so I get to talking to her. (Note, I use the female pronouns because she considers herself female and it's not my place to disagree). Anyway, she turns out to be damned interesting and smart for a 22-year-old, at one point giving me her theory on why the peso will continue to fall as foreign companies are impacted by the global financial meltdown and foreign-working pinoys lose their jobs and the inflow of dollars into the PI decreases. I'm serious.

I told her about my plans to relocate and my real reason for joining a dating site. She's been a huge help to me, answering all my dumb questions about her country and even offering to show me around when I visit. No big deal, right?

Anyway, here's the issue. She's a typical financially-challenged filipina and although 99% of the time she seems completely genuine (even watching her on webcam), she's pulled a few of the classic scams: Her cellphone broke, she's got a bad tooth, she can't meet her rent, etc. She somehow managed to get a new phone and pay her rent, but I sent her 2,000 pesos to go to the dentist because I couldn't take seeing her in pain (whether it was real or not).

What I can't figure out is, is she working me for money, or is this someone I can rely on for help or friendship? I get the impression she likes helping me, almost as if she feels useful or something. And given her gender, I think she likes that I treat her neither as a freak, nor a sex object, as most guys seem to. But I can't help feeling like I'm being scammed sometimes. Is that just how things are with the Philippines? Somebody's always trying to separate you from your money?

Wow, I better quit, sorry for the length. Feel free to tear me to shreds. :D

 

Don't worry

I'll bite...

You sent 2000 php to a ladyboy you met on an online dating site, cause he/she said she needed a tooth fixed. I think you are overreacting, everything should be fine. As long as you can see he/she on a webcam it is probably legitimate...

LOL

 

Thanks. I guess I have to quit reading the scammer horror stories.

 

Being asked for money over the instant messenger is your que to leave. Don't even talk about it, just close the IM and block her.

Seriously, this is so simple. Few things are more black and white. She asks for money, you run. If she doesn't, she might be your friend.

She might even be a professional, and you just sent her a paycheck. Now she can fund her activities longer. When you aren't talking to her, you can be pretty sure she is looking for another foreigner to collect money from.

If you were to talk to 20 other people from the Philippines over an instant messenger, you will find a pattern. Many of them will ask you for money. Some are impatient and will ask you right away. Others will talk to you for some time and then ask possibly after several weeks of speaking. The people who are genuine will never ask you for money.

You aren't helping anyone. If the person on the other end of that IM cannot figure out a way to make his/her own money then you will never be able to do anything to help that situation. Give money to charities, but don't give money to people on the other end of instant messages.

Also, don't try to learn the Philippines through an instant messenger. Get over here and meet real people. You did figure out one thing, some people are scammers and certainly that's something to watch out for. Now that you have learned that lesson, you can close the IM and wait for the trip.

 

The Dude abides. (my favorite movie )

I should have been clearer: She's never actually asked for money, it just comes up. Like, I can tell something is bothering her and I ask what it is, so she tells me. Only once did I offer to help because it seemed like she was in pain and I felt bad. She first thought I was crazy since we haven't even met, but I insisted, because it had been going on for days. She showed me the hole in her jaw the next day. Yeah, I know that's not proof.

One thing that puzzles me: She told me she was a ladyboy immediately. If she hadn't, I would not have known (I've chatted with those types). Maybe that demonstrates some honesty?

BTW, I've got a ticket to come to Manila in Feb, the first chance I can get away. But it's only a week. I'm not really confident I can meet people in such a short time, so I thought I'd try to make some connections beforehand.

If it's not obvious, romance or hooking up for sex isn't the goal of my trip. I'm scouting for a place to live.

 

My wife and I have been performing private investigations in the Philippines since 2003.

About half the scammers will not come right out and ask for money, they will simply hint for it. Some will start this right away in a relationship, others will wait a week or two (or even a month or two).

You just sent "her" two weeks wages, plenty to get her through until someone else comes along to send her money for a toothache. Chances are she is looking for another to do that now.

Larry.

 

I actually think you got away fairly cheap with 2k. She might be even guided and get's 40% out of that. If you search in several newspages about the Philippines you will find out that this is a kind of business. The girls chatting with up to 10 people in one go in 2 shifts. 24/7... others are "freelancers" those are usually asking for more than 50$ as the dad is in the hospital and the grandma died .... the fifth time...

another thing is, if you come over here the first time and have no guidance you may fall in love with the first "welcome Sir" this might repetative up to 100 times a day... and we all know this smiles and lovely big brown eyes just can't lie...

cheers

Rhoody

 

The only other thing I have to add about the situation is that if nothing else, go ahead and trust your gut. You went to the length of posting your concerns to not one, but two forums. If you think something is wrong, then it probably is. We are just reinforcing what you already know.

Put away the IM. You aren't going to find out anything about these countries until you get here. Sure, do your research, but reserve that final judgement until you get real life immersion.

Don't bother finding helpers, friends, people to show you around or anything like that. Just arrive and figure it out on your own. I have faith in you. You can do it!

Don't even bother trying to meet people for a week trip. The people you will meet are the people who are directly in your path (on the plane, in the hotel, on the street.) You don't need to make your week trip any more complicated, just kick back and take it all in.

 

Are you in Duma? If so, would you like to do a quick check on my little friend? She claims to have a relative there who's a faculty member at one of the schools. I can give you details if you want to make a phone call and ask a couple of questions. :D

 

Yeah I would not bother to make contacts for a first trip it might be a hassle besides often the foreigners who live there can tell you more relevant and to the point information. Besides it is a huge country and you don't know what area you like, once you find that spot make contacts in that area.

Shadow you mean you run a private investigation business with your wife or something?:D