Come off it Mr C!!! You fool no-one. It has long been known in 'truncheon' circles that YOU and SHTC are one and the same! Shabbynomad knew, and mysteriously disappeared, so I remained stum/shtum/schtum. I know your tentacles reach far from 'The Island of Fire'. You write complex stories using words such as "Dong" (a euphemism easily found at www.acompleteguidetoeuphemismsusedbyC.com) but this story does not bear scrutiny - the last time you spent well in excess of 2 hours (the maximum usually allowed in certain hotel rooms according to my 'friend') with me. Your refusal to apply even a smear of KY (or the alternative LZ, which I prefer for the lavender tones) forced me to end the liaison, NEVER to return. And, yes, I stood for Bottom (West Penwith) in the 1836 General Election and won by a majority of 3 (but that was before pigs were allowed the vote). I am now off to take my medication. And this is definitely on-topic in a thread titled 'Bad posts'!