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Hello From Montana

Discussion in 'New Member Introductions' started by Bdawg, Mar 14, 2017.

  1. TheDude

    TheDude DI Forum Patron Highly Rated Poster

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    So, I have gone ahead and put together a list of the 45 best views of the area for a 5 day stay. Any time spent doing anything else for that visit to your GF is a waste of time IMO.

    45 Best Sex Positions Every Couple Should Try
     
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  2. OP
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    Bdawg

    Bdawg DI Member

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    Hahahaha! Yeah.... I agree.
     
  3. OP
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    Bdawg

    Bdawg DI Member

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    It didn't sound cheap to me either, but if she wants to do that, it's fine. (Wonder if I can bring a fishing pole?) lol I'm sure that we won't be the only ones going if we go there though. It doesn't look like much shade around except for the cottages. I'll have to load up on the sunscreen and bring the ugly straw cowboy hat.
     
  4. OP
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    Bdawg

    Bdawg DI Member

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    So, I don't know if this is necessary, probably isn't, but I thought I'd tell a bit more about my situation.

    As I said before, I was married in Cagayan De Oro in 2003. The thing I didn't know then, was that she had a boyfriend there at the time, and I wasn't really her first choice. Her parents pressured her to marry me so that it might possibly help them prosper more in their lives. The days before she got on the plane to come to the USA, she had spent in a hotel in Manila with her boyfriend. I didn't know this until a year and a half ago. After she got her on Valentine's day 2004, things were okay except she had a lot of medical issues. We struggled with the issues off and on through 2005 When our son was born. She ended up in the ER a number of times and no one could figure out what was wrong with her through several trips to the ER. One Dr. finally diagnosed her with a rare neurovascular disease called Moyamoya. The Dr. recommended that we wait and see what happens in the next few months and hope that she didn't have a major stroke or anyeurism. Her symptoms were getting worse and her TIA's and seizures were getting worse and more frequent as time went on. So I did some research and found a Dr. in Stanford that specialized in this disease. Her carotid arteries more more than 80% blocked on both sides and he recommended surgery ASAP. So, we spent 3 weeks in Stanford California in 2006 while she had brain surgery called an STA-MCA bbypass. It saved her life, and she resumed a semi-normal life. Our daughter was born in 2007. In 2008, she met a friend that she started frequenting clubs with. I didn't like the idea of her going out, but I didn't want to be *that a**hole guy that controls his wife and doesn't let her do anything, so I let her. A number of months go by and she comes home drunk one night and tells me that she wants to see other people. She wants to stay married, but she only wants to deal with being a wife and mother to the kids part time. She told me that she has been with some guys and she liked her freedom. So, I told her that it was over and she could get out. Days later she was crying, begging to come back, and I let her. I couldn't shake it in my head that she was with other men and no matter how much I tried to forget it, I couldn't, but I forgave and moved on. 2014, she makes another filipina friend. They hang out a lot. She spends the night at her friend's house sometimes and I'm watching all the kids, including the filipina friend's daughter, she becomes like one of my own kids because she's with us so much while her mom is looking for a suitor. My wife at the time is working at a nice nursing facility as a caregiver on the swingshift. pretty soon, she's spending so much time at her friend's house and she said she's taking extra shifts at the facility. She's going out with her friends and partying and I knew this. Anyway, time eventually comes to renew her permanent resident status, and we drove to Helena and back, and as soon as I parked our car, she told me that she had something to tell me. She told me that she met a guy and she really liked him. And I was devastated again. I asked some questions in a calm manner, and then I left the house for a few hours. I came back and I asked her what she wanted to do, and she said that she wanted a seperation. I told her fine, leave, and the kids will stay with me. She went to stay with her filipina friend. A week or so later, she came back crying and asked if she could come back, I said not as long as she was seeing anyone else. The kids were missing her too. She said that she would break it off with him. She came back, but we slept seperately for a few months and then she said that she thought maybe she wanted to seperate again, so we did again, I knew she was still seeing someone. My dad passed away at this time from an aortic abdominal anyeurism. Her filipina friend was telling me she was, she told me to simply do some research, so I did. When she said she was going to work an extra shift, her car wasn't at work. I also tracked her phone to a residence a few miles away from where we lived and I drove by to confirm it. She kept changing her mind and wanting to come back and then the next day, she would change her mind. Everytime she did this, my love for her died more and more. I took back the car that I had bought for her, but it was still in my name and I gave her back the old beat up ford taurus that was in her name. I finally told her to leave for good, and she tried to kill herself by taking all of her psych meds. I stopped her and she ended up in a mental health facility for a few weeks. She wanted to come home and that lasted for a week or so, and she told me again that she wanted a seperation, and I told her I want a divorce for good.
    It's been over 1 1/2 years now since I made her leave for good. She now lives with her boyfriend and she is pregnant and due to have the baby some time in April. We get along and we are amicable, and even friendly. I am even friendly toward her bf, as he didn't know that she was married apparently. I do this because I love my kids. They live with me most of the time and spend every other weekend with her. I let go of my hatred early on. I decided to do this for my kids. Believe me, I really hated her for what she did, but I hated what those feelings were doing to me and I could see this whole thing affecting the kids in a bad way. Their schoolwork was suffering and they weren't acting like they should in shcool. Today, things are better because their mom and I have decided to make our parenting work even if our marriage didn't.

    Now, I have a Filipina former OFW, that was working in Kuwait, and now she's living in Manila, trying to make it work. We met through a chatsite. We spent an entire night talking about everything and anything, and the conversation really flowed, and that was almost 11 months ago. She's a great young lady, that's not without her faults, but she is honest, and I know more about her than I ever did my wife/ex during the time we were married. My current girlfriend is a single mom of 3 kids. The kids live with her parents in Amlan while she lives in Manila and works as a security guard. I'm finding that as bad as her employer in Kuwait was, I think working in the Philippines is much worse and pays much less. 12hour days 6 or 7 days a week at 550 PHP per day is a dismal existence. She sends as much home to her family as she can and still has to pay rent and electricity in Manila. I see her struggling with this and it's hard to watch, but there's not a whole lot I can do, because I deal with a lot of expenses now myself. It'll get better, but she's talking about going back to being an OFW after my visit, while we work on papers and I can get the divorce decree recognized. I don't know how it will all work out at this point. I hope meeting in person may help us to get a game plan together. There's so much more that I didn't include and I know this is a lot to read and digest, and Godbless you if you actually did read this. But this is a bit of my story. Thanks for being here.
     
  5. Brian Oinks

    Brian Oinks That's Mr. Pig to you Boy! :) Highly Rated Poster

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    I feel for you mate, having been an similar circumstances myself, after two failed marriages where my Aussie wives were much the same, I gave up with total distrust, I swore I would never again get involved, but after 5 years speaking to my now wife everyday online, I learnt to trust again, and eventually came here to meet her, we have been married now going on 4 years and we are happy together. It takes a LOT to forgive, more so to forget, but moving on is the best thing you can do and facing the future instead of dwelling on the past is all you can do, I know I went through hell, but I did it for my kids, and I would do it again if I had to, but thankfully my kids are all adults now and have their own lives, but one piece of advice I give everyone, "Do NOT rush ANYTHING! If it is worth it and it takes time, then take the time to make sure it is right"...
     
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  6. OP
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    Bdawg

    Bdawg DI Member

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    It wasn't just the cheating she did. I had found out over the past year and a half, how much things didn't get paid. She would make sure that she used up my money first, and then her money was hers to do with as she pleased. I did everything, especially in the last years we were together. I cooked the meals 3/4 of the time, I cleaned the house, (such as it was), kids homework, kids in general, taking care of, etc.. I made all of her resumes that got her jobs, and she would get about 5 jobs a year, either getting fired or quitting them and some were pretty good ones. When I did our taxes, I would see how much we made together, and wonder how in the hell did we struggle so much? Why were things not getting paid? Then, when she moved out and I was bagging up all of her clothes and shoes, I could see where a LOT of the money went. Lots of Victoria's secret, and lots of expensive boots and shoes. At least $900 in Dansko shoes alone. Tons of purses. She lived well beyond our means. Like I said, I have forgiven, but I haven't forgotten this.
    Now, I see her pregnant with his kid, and I actually feel glad that it's him and not me. She actually seems more interested in being a mother to her own kids now too, which wasn't the case, 1 1/2 years ago. She liked to impress others with what she had, and if another person had something she liked, she was jealous and wanted the same thing or better. The problem was, some of her Filipina friends were/are married to millionaires, and there's no way to compete with that. She borrowed money a LOT, and soon earned a bad reputation for it, especially being slow to pay it back and in some cases as I have found out, she may not have paid some back at all.
    Her surprise and disgust at the misdeeds of others was typically hypocritical. I remember her reaction when I told her about my co-worker's wife cheating on him, and this was just maybe 6 months before I found out she was cheating on me again.
    Although I have no feelings for her anymore, I sometimes do feel sorry for her as I think that her impulses often get the better of her. I don't think she's evil, but I think that she has almost no control over her impulses. She's also endured a lot of terrible things in her life, from her parents abusing her, to being raped by a foreigner in Camiguin island, and most recently, her younger sister being murdered by the boyfriend's family in Cagayan De Oro. News of her sister's death happened about the same time during one of our separations in 2015, and didn't hear that it was a murder until a neighbor of the BF's family finally came forward almost a year to the day and they exhumed her body and performed an autopsy and confirmed murder had indeed occurred. I don't know if justice will ever be served for it, but she was a good kid and didn't deserve it. I don't know if it's in bad taste to visit her grave or not, I haven't decided if I will go, I don't want to seem disrespectful of my current girlfriend.
    The hardcore reality of the Philippines is hidden from most foreigners. Perhaps not so much from the Expats that live there, and some of the foreigners that have married into some of these families where there are terrible secrets. Some people probably never learn the terrible things that their Filipina/o has seen or has happened to them. I've heard some really gruesome things that cause me to not view anything or anyone the same way again especially pertaining to the Philippines. I'm in awe of the Philippines and love it, but I also know some terrible secrets that cause me to use caution and I don't really automatically trust anyone.
    My ex's dad used to do undercover work for the PNP, in fact, my ex's Godfather was a Colonel in the PNP. I'm pretty certain now, that the "Undercover" work that he was referring to, was of the of nature less than legal "law enforcement", He showed me a tattoo on his hand above his thumb, that signified his involvement in "undercover" work. It was a triangle with a G at each point; "Guardians"? I had the distinct feeling that he was someone that you didn't want to p*ss off. He died from a brain tumor back in 2014. Probably something worthy of a separate post?
     
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