How and why did you end up here in the Philippines

So assuming Simple Mind is almost accurate, perhaps the problem/solution could be in a short courtship with internet-meeting marriages, and therefore, with limited time the focus is on the target wife and not sufficient discussion and understanding where her family fits into the equation.
So maybe we can help future or current situations by suggesting some ground rules for the prospective wife searcher so he can maximize his introduction time and make better decisions and at least set the bar for the prospective wife. I will throw out a few and I imagine some of you have better suggestions than mine because I met mine here and had an 8 month courtship before pulling the trigger. I also used an attorney and notary.
1. Tell her your primary purpose is to support you and her and not her family.
2. Her family cannot ask for money and she cannot ask you for money for her family, you could say you will give them money
periodically if you decide to.
3. Make it clear you are not an ATM machine and you are not a bank to issue loans.
4. I suggest you do not give her an allowance but authorize spending when justified.
5. Tell her she cannot leave you to be with her family for more than 3 days unless emergencies.
6. Do not buy property in her name unless you are absolutely sure.
7. Make it clear if she cheats on you, you will disappear.
8. If you are a drinker, smoker, gambler, be fair and open up front.
9. If there are children or potential to have children determine the expected outcome.
10. She cannot receive any texts, facebook, emails, or visits with other guys.
11. Consider using an attorney and notary to document pre-nup agreements.
Just my two cents....

 

I've been married to two Filipinas before. In neither instance did the families cause any real problems Mostly they were pretty good folks. One father-in-law was not at all faithful to his wife, but that didn't affect me or the relationship I had with my wife. The Filipina I've been living with for the past three years has some really great family members. Three of her young nieces, a young nephew, and one of her sisters are living with us. Grandma was here, too, for quite a while. Never any problems at all. The kids leave stuff scattered all over, and never put things away. But, hell, they're kids! I think I'm much happier having them around like a new family than I would be if it were just the two of us.

 

That's the attitude to have! Good for you! For the rest of you that think their families are a problem it may just be that way in your minds.

 

I still heed a good advice that was given to me and even my wife agreed to it willingly, keep at least one Island between you and her family, just to make it not to easy to travel for a visit... worked for me...

 

Interesting! Please post all the rules set by your wife in your relationship..... in fairness to her! As a woman I feel sorry for her, because of your dictatorial behavior. I have been married for many years and my husband have never set any rules and nor have I, we just enjoy eachother, our children and our families, and REAL LOVE conquers ALL..... Filipino females are not to be controlled by insecure foreigners, with 2, 3 or even 4 marriages behind them..... those foreigners are mostly losers anyway, so why waste time with them. Their EGO makes them lose everytime, and they never learn. TIME TO GROW UP, but maybe to late!
Is your wife allowed to read on DUMA INFO, to get an understanding of what this Male chatroom is all about, or it is also forbidden on your list?

 

Are you an actor Filmguy ,a producer or what? I do hope you will find Dumaguete a suitable place for your creative mind.

 

So it's ok for them to be controlled by irresponsible Filipinos is it ??? Because many of them are. They copulate, impregnate and populate, then walk away from their responsibilities and abandon their children, never offering a centavo in maintainance. That could be why the country is awash with young women with two, three or four children all with different fathers, who now desperately search for a foreigner husband to get them out of the unholy mess that they find themselves in.

Those foreigners with a number of marriages behind them are not losers because of it, they are often victims of circumstances and the inequal legal system of their own country. They probably married a money-grabbing b*tch who teamed up with a rottweiler lawyer.

Ego has nothing to do with it. If ego is an issue, then you should look closer to home, where ego is built in to the macho male Filipino culture.

And what moderately successful Filipino businessman does not have a few mistresses on the side, with the full knowledge of his wife, who is too intimidated to complain for fear of losing what she has. How controlling is that ?

 

Whoa Torilian! Calm yourself down. This isn't a male chatroom, because if it were, why are you reading and posting at all?

Congratulations on your "many years"(how many?) of successful marriage. Sadly, 50% of marriages end in divorce, which makes Pato's comments equally as relevant or as offensive as yours.
However, unlike your post, Pato was offering pointers to new visitors purely based on his experience.

When I re-read his post, I cannot for the life of me understand what you see as wrong!
Is it wrong to state that he is not prepared to support freeloaders? Of course not.
Is it wrong to say that his wife should not be flirting or meeting with other men. Of course not.

The statement "real love conquers all" is ok for a Mills & Boon paperback, but the rest of us have to live in the real world where money and relatives tend to have an unhealthy influence on relationships and happiness in the Philippines.

 

Thank you for your reply. Actually, if you had read my post carefully, you would have understood that my suggestions were for those to consider who are may be involved in an internet meeting and marriage and a short courtship, neither of which apply to me, as I stated.
If you knew my wife, you would see she is one of the happiest filipinas around and I am a very happy husband. You know why? Because I had two real lousy marriages and a horrible relationship with a filipina before meeting my wife.
Nevertheless, which of the suggestions I offered upset you the most, because to me they are common sense, a trait lacking here?

 

Isn't it the truth that all relationships start off well, and that is why people get involved with eachother and get married.. We have to ask ourselves why our realtionships and marriages didn't work out.....first you must ask yourself, and often to be found is that the problems was caused by 2 people and therefore it ended. Have you heard about the 7 crusial years in a relationship/marriage? if you are still there after 7 years, you may finally have an understanding about what a real relationship is, and it may last forever. Que Sera, Sera? I am on number 16 and still very happy! Many people get married for the wrong reasons and therfore the love in the marriage will never grow, and to not have a growing relationship we are doomed to fail. Always 2 for Tango, but you need rythm for it to be a pleasant, elegant and a long lasting Loving Tango.