Best Posts in Thread: Is a marriage ( relationship is a 50/50 thing?) We have to meet each other 1/2 way

No matter the cultural/gender differences/social expectations, respecting your woman for what she brings to the relationship/marriage table - and showing her (acknowledging) the sincerity of your respect of her for those skills she does bring to the marriage table - can go a long, long way.

Knowing each other well before "tying the knot" is a big plus. Some folks spend more time kicking tires on cars before they decide on a car, than some folks who take on getting to marriage - and then they wonder why the marriage goes south so quickly. "AS IS - WHERE IS - NO WARRANTY INCLUDED" seems to come to mind.

I often encouraged my Son when he was a teen-ager for him to "pick a smart one over a pretty one" as looks will fade, but having a good head on her shoulders can last a marital lifetime.

So I guess it depends on what you and your mate both want and need in a relationship. Shared basic values, and each being able to live one's life in ways that genuinely reflect what those shared values look like in real life is a big help in creating harmony and love.

Nothing (especially the human being) is perfect - that's for sure! And the cultural differences/social roles/relationship expectations when two people come from different parts of the world - I can only imagine some of the challenges this can bring.

But basic respect of the "Other" - and letting him/her genuinely know this by your word and by your deed - is a good start toward getting to a relationship that can last.

The marriage can wait until both are satisfied they are both standing on a common, solid ground of respect, acceptance and mutual love of the "Other".

Yeah. This might sound like "pie in the sky". But if it sounds like this - then don't get married.

You both will only end up becoming sorely disappointed.

V/R,
nwlivewire

 

Depends. If I am exiting public transport and in need of a tricycle it's "talk to the boss. I am under the saya". This usually provokes gales of laughter from assembled touts and drivers. It also enables my spouse to negotiate a sensible local price. The same strategy usually works if I have committed a public faux pas or am being pressed by someone on a decision I don't really wish to take. In short the cowards way out. Behind closed doors and indeed in public I adopt the "what she wants she needs" perspective. In short, another strategy developed by this coward that ultimately does my pocket immense damage. There are sometimes when I grow a spine but I am faced by a number of cultural obstacles. For example, "of course as a Filipina I am obedient to my asawa. But only when it suits me". And judging by the volume of bellow across the road when the fish merchant passes I had better stay on the right side of that one.

There are times when I am expected to take the lead in things, business decisions etc, but we consult and agree with one another before taking the decision. I like the quiet life, she ain't a monster. I am quite proud of her - and can rely on her to be responsible and to be the bossing when I am not around. So I guess 50-50 is my answer, with swings to the more or less depending on the circumstances.

 

I may look at this from a slightly jaded perspective but my opinion is that it is 100/100 or it isn't going to work. I know we all have bad days, but once we start keeping score it is only a short time until the relationship is over.

 

Any relationship is a give and take thing. Like you said some days it's her advantage and other days yours. Mine is pretty much the same. I really don't keep score but in the end it works out about 50/50 I would say. As long as we work together life is good!

 

Sadly I think I'm to much of a pushover. I think to often its 30:70 or 20:80 to her. I give so much to make and keep her happy and dont ask for much back but a few basics but those few basics are always tossed out by her. Same old thing over and over when your new in a relationship the standard female play that they are cool with everything and very open minded but after they have you hooked more and more is off limits and things they did with asmile before gets a cold scowl for even mentioning the potential idea.

I've really come tothe conclusion that if my relationship goes to far south the next one will be a 95:5 to me meme even to the point of being a complete arse. Women to often have themselves to blame for making jerkoff men but refuse to ever take responsibility.

 

60/40 to her and 40/60 to you reads like you are getting the short end of the stick both ways. But 60/40 in her favor sounds about right to me in order to keep peace. As long as she keeps cooking the fish outside, that works for me.

 

Anyone who thinks a live-together relationship is 50/50 need only tell his girl "OK, I just spent 50% of the day with you and now I will go out with my buddies for a beer for the other 50% of the day" If that works then you have a 50/50 relationship.

For me I am finding (in this particular relationship) that its about a 90/90 split. We each give close to 100% of our energy, commitment, etc but hold back about 10% for "Me Time". This does not mean we dote on each other. It means if I am typing away on this forum and she comes up to me I shall put down the computer and give her my undivided attention . . . . 90 % of the time

 

Very well said IMO! I agree, but I never could have written it so succinctly.