Meeting a Good woman

Avoid this scenario that most foreign men didn't know with her secret mission is the famous quote "marry me and marry my family" you'll be trap after few months of marriage, you will be feeding the whole family and even pay school tuition for everyone...more and more relatives coming out asking to lend some from you.lol! A funny situation but indeed it always happens.

 

Tom_A, I agree with the other guy's suggestions to use an online service. Many of the guys I talk to hear met their wife or gf online.
It has been my experience that girls here are different from what you would find in Makati-Manila or Thailand. As an example, when I met my to-be wife, we had to have her uncle and aunt chaperone us the first three times we went out to dinner. I then had to go and meet her parents in person and ask permission to date their daughter. Good luck, find a nice one.

 

if u do that you'll likely be whisked away to talay mental rehab :D

i agree with everything that's been said here so far. just my 2 cents:

"Facebook is good...I think even better than the dating sites because a lot of dating site members are 'professional' chatters (they get their chatmates to send them money to "pay for their internet", etc....of course, they have 50 chatmates doing the same thing...) also there are a lot of ladyboys and just complete con artists on the dating sites. So, Facebook is better, but remember, it is not a dating site so don't expect that a girl you meet there will be interested to meet you right away...you have to take time to get to know her."

i agree. the problem with some foreign guys not just on fb but also in IMs is that they make it too obvious that they're looking for a wife from the get-go. me and some friends get messages like, "hi. i'm looking for a girlfriend (or wife). are u available?" OR worse, they ask far too many questions too soon, some of them quite disconcerting like, "when was your last sexual encounter? what is your favorite sexual position? are u willing to try this and that?" OR they ask u how much u are making in a year (in foreign currency) and the financial condition of your family, how much each member earns, obviously assessing how dependent u or your family would be on him just in case u two get married.

most pinays are usually turned off by that kind of approach. we believe in open communication but those kind of questions the first time u talk to the guy? we don't think so. one thing about pinays as many of u are probably already well aware of is that we are a reserved lot, reticent (or naive) even by some standards. and even the most straightforward ones will most likely recoil from such intense questioning. also, don't try to impress pinays with how much u have in the bank. again, that may work for some or most, but many would also like to marry for love (believe it or not), not just land some rich foreign husbands. by trying to use your wealth as bait, u might attract the wrong kind of pinays and set yourself up for disappointment.

so just relax. sometimes subtle flirting works best and leaves a more lasting impression. try to get to know her without sounding too intrusive and wanting to know many things all at once. give her some space and reserve the more intimate questions for later, when the two of u are already comfortable with each other (or maybe when u finally get to see her in person). and be a little mysterious (this i believe works for all races, not just pinays). don't lay all your cards on the table at once; make her guess.

don't expect her to be in love with you too soon either; in fact, when she professes love the first time u talk and says she knows with absolute certainty that you're the one she's been waiting for all her life (after knowing just a few things about u, namely, how much monthly pension u get every month and how many properties u own), u should be suspicious of her motives.

guys should also be careful about the way they talk about the previous women in their life. some describe their ex-wives or ex-girlfriends as some kind of cruella de vil. being truthful about your lovelife is one thing, and pinays, like all women around the world, do appreciate honesty and are quite a sucker for sob stories, but if u got nothing positive to say about your ex, or any woman for that matter, we wonder why on earth you are looking for a wife and in this part of the world especially where there's no divorce!

another red flag is when u ask them why they want a filipina wife in particular, and they start groping for words. they can't give any reason other than pinays are good to have around the house, are good cooks, they serve their husbands well, have no qualms having to constantly pick after their husbands, are quite submissive, are usually not argumentative, blah blah blah. it makes us think this guy is not looking for a wife; he wants a maid! and he's not looking for an equal but a yes-person. some pinays may be quite submissive but like everyone else, some can also be quite headstrong and opinionated, especially the educated ones. some can be lazy and royal bitches too! :D by stereotyping pinays as nothing but meek creatures and excellent homemakers, u might alienate those who tend to have quite a strong personality but are nonetheless good wife material.

good luck

 

That is the traditional Filipino courtship routine.... strong values.....that is an indication you got a good moral wife.....

 

A lot of good advice for here or anywhere...... that is why several of us said from the beginning.....go slow...... Filipinas are NOT one size fits all.... while they often have similar values.....they are distinct individuals...... reading up on the culture is always a good thing.....they often do not think like us.....and also often that is a good thing

I got lucky.....going on four years of marriage.....absolutely no complaints..... about her or her family.....

 

Gypsy, great contribution!! You share a lot of wisdom, thank you.

 

Kojak, you bring up a good point about no complaints about her family. I too have a solid relationship and would not want an adversary relationship with her family. As we know, blood is thicker than water (and maybe foreigner husband).

 

Spot ON!

Gypsy, Sound post, well done, We have sayings in the west, To catch a thief, set a thief and to really know one, is to be one. You have captured the whole Ball game in this post. other OP's have given a lot of thought to their writings and between you all, I think Tom_A has a good grounding for finding that special lady.


Jack P.

 

Just remember, if you decide to live here in the Philippines, keep at least a 3 hour bus ride between you and the in-laws.
Ideally, a different island is best.

 

wasn't it min 24 hrs or 3 Islands as a minimum?

Anyway, I totally disagree with the internet-partner-search unless you are super desperate; and that would only be a sign that you don't know anything about the PI yet.

come here, live your life to the fullest for a year (traveling, exploring, learning), don't get any steady girlfriend for that time and watch and listen to all mistakes others do live and in color.

That gives you a bit of a knowledge basement and time to filter out what you want... or not

cheers

Rhoody