⌛ Philippine Humor

This thread is about humorous things that happened in the Philippines.

My then fiancee, (we have since married, each other), and I was on a ferry from Duma to Cebu. We had first class accomodations, which means we air con and we were inside, out of the weather, in our cozy accomodations sharing berth space with about 200 other people.

We were laying in our bunks as some small children were running around as children will do. They kept getting louder as they were chasing each other and getting more excited. I recalled I had picked up a sea shell at Siquijor Island a couple days ago. This sea shell was flat on one side with the other side convex that looked like an occluded eye ball. It was just the right size to put in one's eye socket like a monacle. When I put it in an turned around and grunted at the kids that were running around they immediately disappeared. :D In about 5 minutes there must have been at least 15 pairs of eyes peeking around corners and from behind their mother's skirts trying to get a view of the "monster".:D

It was quiet the rest of the trip. Although I did get more than the usual looking over by the kids.:D

 

This is good, I take that the person is not from the Phils.

 

The goofy one would be me, and you are correct I'm not filipino, yet. hehe Although some filipino friends say I am, just white skin, maybe an albino.

Several years ago I was in Davao where I attended a wedding in a Catholic church. I didn't know the bride or groom but I was staying with a friend that was one of the main sponsors.

The reception was held in a four star hotel with all the fixins. I was seated near the food and was in 2nd line for the lechon baboy. By the time I got to it there were only a few scraps left. Those filipinos are small and have sharp elbows.:(

After that I would tell all my friends that the most dangerous place to be is between a filipino and the lechon baboy.

 

LOL! You've got humurous way of putting it. :D

I'm a proud Pinoy and I'm supposed to defend the Filipinos but I couldn't help laughing at the thought.. Hehe..

 

Wonderful! You should be proud of your filipino heritage and never for a moment would I offend you or any other filipino.

My friends in the states I tell them that all filipino cars have two batteries. One normal size for starting, lights, radio, etc. and One really big one for the horn.:D :D :D

 

Philippine Humour...
When visiting my wife's family in Mindanao we picked up a taxi from the Airport after 20 minutes I turn to my wife and said will you tell Schumacher to slow down and drive on the right hand side of the road!!!!
her reply was ..Dont worry Dear he just wants to make you feel at home!!!!!!

 

Pesos, please!

I recall my first trip to Butuan. I was at airport. I was looking for my luggage when suddenly I realized a Filipino man had it. I reached for it and, as I was about to walk away he asked, "How about some pesos", with a big smile on his face. I wasn't familar with the peso so I reached into my pocket and pulled out some pesos and handed them to him. He may still be smiling and hoping he will see me again.

 

I was in Surigao a few years ago and went to the ATM at the bank. We had to stay there for about 30 minutes as the President was there that day and her motorcade passed the bank. I have never seen so many policemen as there were that day, many of them on foot. When we left the bank we had walked about a block when the policemen whistles started sounding off. There must have been five or six blowing their whistles at the same time. Several police rushed a car and stopped it.

I asked my friend what was going on, and he replied that the man had been driving recklessly. I was stunned; "How can you tell?" was my response, which he got a kick out of.

 

I went to a local fruit vendor when I first arrived in the Philippines, "do you have any bananas" I asked. the woman replied, "yes we have no bananas" I asked again, "you do or don't have banans today". she replied "yes". "you have bananas" I said somewhat puzzled, "yes' was the reply. "where are they?" I asked again.

"no stock sir"

 

Here's how a bloody aussie accent can get you into trouble. A few years ago an aussie friend and I were sitting outside the Why Not and there was a woman I didn't know sitting next to me. My friend had his back to the street so asked the woman "can i swap seats ?". Her shocked reply "you want sex ?".