Best Posts in Thread: Raising a Child in the Philippines

My Son is 5yrs soon to be 6 and I will be over there for his Birthday early Dec, I'm hoping to get him and his Mum over here to Scotland, I had built a house there for them both to live long term but now realise it would be better for them both to reside in Scotland.

My big concern is for him to get a good education, I'm sure even the best Private Schools there in PH fall short of what can be had here in UK, I have another son of 47yrs here in UK he has done so well for himself, now owning his own business, educated here in a mainstream School to then go on to get a degree at Edinburgh University, none of this cost me a penny as Education is free for everyone in Scotland.

Eldest Son has taken and interest in his half brother and even visited him there in PH, I was back in UK at this time, however as it happens he does Employ Filipinos there in Manila to assist in his business.

Another side to this is; if anything had to happen to me (soon to be 71yrs and officially a Coffin Dodger?) my big Son would be here and available to assist his young Brother in any way he could.

 

A few of you here are raising a child, and for some of you here, like me, the second time around. There is huge difference with different issues between now and then.
For me, raising children in California in the 70's and 80's had challenges like drugs, having to travel for work and not be around to enforce discipline, job moves so different schools for the kids, teaching them to drive, and do your homework - not so much television.
Now days, social media seems to have the biggest impact. That means more gadgets, chat rooms, peer pressure, girls growing faster than boys, and less focus on school and school work being harder and more homework than before, among other interferences.
Most filipinas want children and some are not completely satisfied is a relationship if it is just her and the old man (sorry but true) For the foreigner, it is a huge responsibility and commitment to become a father (again for most). Both parties need to evaluate the consequences.

 

This is an interesting thread. I have three adult children here in the USA. One has a master's degree and is a math professor at a college. He will have his doctorate in one year. One daughter has her bachelor's degree and teaches English to people who primarily speak another language. And I have a daughter that just cares about herself and what she can have people give her by playing on their sympathies. Funny thing is they are 28 year old triplets.

It just goes to show even though they were raised identically, they all have their own identity . My wife and I have no plans on having our own children as we are both in our 50's but my wife's sister just had a baby. Once we get there full time in about 6 years we will treat her like our own daughter. I am excited to see how she turns out versus my kids here with all the challenges and difficulties she will face growing up there.

With family in two countries, what happens to both after we die is a small concern. But we live with the knowledge we have done all we can to prepare them for life, and can only hope they will take advantage of what they have learned and been given, and succeed.

 

Our daughter is only emotionally mine, she just started college. I've been in her life since she was 10, and she has shown a remarkable talent for adjusting to the hugely different circumstances before me and since me.
Maybe I got lucky, but I can't say raising a teenager here was much different from doing so in Europe earlier in the 90's.
The biggest issue I had in the past 7 1/2 years was to come to terms with the way schools here (don't) work.
Behaviour wise, yeah sure, social media is a big thing for the kids, but not more so here than elsewhere I think.
Luckily the girl's pretty smart, so not much correction needed at all.

 

67 when my son was born here and 6 years later, I can't imagine life without him

 

I was able to read your deleted post because Dutchie had replied with a very good informed reply to which I totally agree. My partner was working at Lee Plaza at 340p per day at the time we met. At school she had done well and even though a sponsor was willing to pay for her tertiary studies her parents insisted she needed to work to pay for her younger sibling and hence Lee Plaza. I became part of her, and her daughter's lives 6 years ago and stopped her working given that the 360/day was not going to have a meaning in our lives. She then wanted to finish her studies and has, earlier this year, graduated cum laude from Foundation University with a degree in science and has now set up an international outsourcing business offering clerical services. She is the first of her family to gain a tertiary degree but more importantly the main motivation of struggling to go back to study after a 20 year hiatus was to blossom the belief in her daughter that she can achieve anything she wanted in life.

I created the opportunity because of extra money and a different thinking (my parents unlike hers, valued education) but I am very proud of her and her daughter (who is an honors student at Don Bosco) and when I do pass, much earlier than her, I know the supreme importance of bettering oneself will continue. In my partner it was always there, I simply supplied the opportunity. Like Dutchie, my adult children are highly educated, in stable lives, close relationships with my partner and wanting to play a part in this ongoing story. Both of them have offered to house "our" daughter if she comes to Australia to complete her post graduate studies and also wanting to be part of her direction through to adulthood if I can't. What I can say is life is really good here and can be made better because of our expat involvement even within the limitations imposed by the society. The difference is the same here as it was when I was growing up in Australia and that is the will to better oneself. Sure it may be harder here to achieve but we all know examples of locals who have succeeded and we admire them more for their achievement.

 

While parents, are around and taking care of the children the child has stability. Also, the parents together can unite and tell the family members looking to borrow or asking for help with all of life's problems "No".

Unfortunately, when left alone, widow or widower, the Pinoy family will have more influence on the one left behind. Parents, sibling, and cousins, aunts and uncles can all show up with their hands out and sad stories. The money available will begin disappearing with the preparation of the funeral; from food to funeral home to "sponsor" people who can't afford the fare to travel.
After this, the family will just keep asking.
Unfortunately this is not unique to Filipino society.
There are 1000's of stories of professional athletes, lottery winners, and massive inheritances being lost in under 5 years because people have hard time saying "No".
Fear of losing friends
Losing family bonds
Being called stingy (to be nice)
Or falling for the line "after all, you can afford it".
So while the widow may not spend the money on herself I agree with the need to cuetail the amount of money available. Having a will,
being sure it is registered here,
which means taking it to court
Having it filed here
A trust is a good idea with an annual disbursement
In my opinion I wouldn't trust an attorney to reimburse expences for school, health, or other issues - feeling the attorney could approve expences in exchange for something extra for themselves.

 

I can relate to some of what you wrote, but overall my feeling is that you're a bit too cynical about how an asawa will fare after the foreigner husband passes away. While I agree that in some cases things will go as you write, I am positive that my wife and many others are too smart to let it come to that. Moreover, what you forget to insert is the influence you have on her worldview while together. I for one have watched my wife develop into a pretty savvy lady, who will not suddenly revert to her former status once I'm gone.

Our daughter is studying to be a dentist (smart kiddo) and I am positive she'll be just fine in life, whatever happens from here.
With a little luck I might still be around to see her graduate and start carving out a professional career.

Moreover, both my wife and daughter have a close bond with my adult daughters in the Netherlands, who each have a university masters degree and a stable life, and I fully expect them to step up with guidance and assistance once I wouldn't be able to do so anymore.

So no, in my personal outlook for their future there's absolutely nothing that resembles what you write.

 

replying and quoting about kids born out of the Philippines is irrelevant when comparing them to kids born here (apples and oranges)........your spouse does not become unfilipino or western minded just because she had the good or bad sense to marry you.....I am simply saying not to be nieve in thinking because you are here to steer them to follow your order to ignore some parasite family member that when the time comes and the family is broken whether you or her go first.....if it is the foreigner to go first......your spouse is not made of kryptonite..........to finish if you want to be sure that no boyfriend in the dark or cousin from the mountains takes your place better get your house in order, put your hard work/toil/life's being into a trust that goes to your kids........let them be the bearer of their name .......( i hope i said that correctly )