SO allowance poll

I just talked with a foreigner who gives his fiancé p2k a month to do what she wants with. In his case, some of the p2k was shared by her ''family'' for coming once a month and doing yard maintenance and giving the house a thorough cleaning. I'm curious what others are doing, if anything.

Here's a starter list of questions for the group, perhaps others can add to the question list, just give your question a number beyond 5 and repost the list with your question.

Feel free to explain your situation
1 - How many pisos do you give your SO a month for other than household expenses?
2 - How often do you give your SO that amount?
3 - How many others (kids, relatives, the milkman, etc.) get a cut of the allowance?
4 - Does your SO live with you full time?
5 - Does your SO provide any financial support to the household expenses?

I'm posting anonymous so i don't get in trouble with my SO.

Let the games begin....

 

I use a simply system. I would describe it as a "relationship transition system". I hire most SOs as a helper (my personal apprentice system) for 1,000 P a week... that way I do not have to keep them to the end of the month. I then have a non pressure system for evaluating them. I include them in all activites, and encourage group activities with other people involved. After a period of time, if they transition to GF status they get no more helper salary, but get 1,000 P "allowance" a week and the title of "girlfriend" . Sorry but it is of my opinion that there is no way you can evaluate their level of honesty (including their claims off number of children they have or if they are already married) with out living with them as a full time helper or GF. I still get all the benefits of a helper when they transition to GF and more usually. They get more too, because most of their personal expenses are paid for. When they get their weekly Salary/allowance I feel I am closing my eyes and throwing the money into the air because (1) I know it will be sent to some members of the family (I just accept that like I do breathing everyday)and (2) I know I will never see a peso coming back my way (that is the reality of life). .

If there is anyone here that has a GF or that is having a helper/GF and is paying nothing... please tell me your system. I found one guy in "old" Mcd's that had a girl friend that asked for nothing, but later he said they broke up because she was too expensive????? WTF????? I think he was an X navy seal who had protect both the President of US and God from terrorist.

I probably pay somewhere from 200 P to 1000 P for extras a week for the lady beyond food and shelter, that includes personal care products, and clothes mainly. I try to keep the battery expenses down. I found I can cut my expenses in half if I do not take her into town/mall on every trip into a store becomes of the extra"impulse expense" due to the rumor foreigners are made of money.

I have not found it very unsatisfactory to transition from GF to helper. Once a helper asks to be your GF (and almost all do) and you decline the helper relationship is over. Soon they are losing face (they have already told every friend and family member you are their helper... like a dog peeing on a fire hydrant) and jealousy will intrude into their hearts and mind. Hopefully not into your body in a form of a knife. It is time to get rid of them quickly if you decline their offer to be your GF. (no joke on this statement)

I am not complaining, as it the system I have figured out for myself and seems to keep everyone happy (for a while). At any point in time and what ever they status it can terminated and there usually is no hard feelings after a while, if there are no "overlapping" with other helpers or Gfs in your life. Remember losing face is a big deal here to Filipinas. I usually get a letter back, after a period of time (most recent one came back after 5 years, saying thanks and I am in her prayers everyday, which makes me feel good, but I know is not true, probably most likely in her future financial plans). The ladies of the past seem to particularly appreciate me after they become a single mothers (from someone else) and remember how they and their family were treated when they were with me.

Actually it is a good system here. The Government makes it hard to marry as an Expat.. Remember the government does a great job of protecting the Filipinas against us "nasty scamming Expats" from marrying them (and a very poor job of protecting the Filipinas from male sperm intrusion of all nationalities ) . Expats are required to jump through many hoops before we can get married. We have to prove we are truly single by giving documents from our mother country's government and from the Philippines; get written permission of the parents for some of the younger age legal lady groups: banning marriage for all ladies under 18 (but allowing them to bred at any time by culture but not by law); documenting from our mother country we can afford a pinoy wife; documenting from our mother country that we are of good character etc. The Catholic Church jumps in with some of its own requirements regarding the marriage ceremony for non-Catholics. The results are that you can put off marriage for quite a while if the question is being asked, just by following all the lengthy requirements here. There are so many single Filipina moms with full blooded Filipino children that are not married, because most Filipinas do not get married because of the requirements for marriage, and because they are just irresponsible.

My system works for me and most ladies are happy. Treat them well, take care of them, and expose them to new arenas of life and you will have a happy lady for short or long time. Sometimes I even introduce them to other guys who may be interested in them.

 

It depends on the relationship. Ideally you would create some sort of an account with ATM access which you drop the monthly budget into and give your SO equal access to that as an equal partner. Then you can go over the budget together to set expectations as you would in any relationship. I wouldn't give an allowance so much as I would set budget categories. There is X limit to giving money and only if someone asks. X pocket change for whatever.

At least in this case you are treating your SO as an equal without handing out access to the vault. If you can't trust her with access to a monthly budget then why trust her with access to expensive things lying around in the house such as electronics? In some cases those items may be more than the monthly budget.

I keep myself busy enough that it would be a pain in the @ss not to give my SO full access to the budget. If I'm bringing home the bread and she isn't working then I want her to be able to take care of things like groceries and paying bills without me having to have a hand in the doing so. It's helpful and saves time so that I can put more focus on what I bring to the partnership.

I'm in a different situation than many others here though. If I'm going to be with someone then I need for that person to be more help than burden. I can't be a babysitter. Retired expats can be a bit more patient with the typical issues that pop up here.

Does this include learning to drive a stick? After Massage 101 comes Happy Ending 202? Does this apprenticeship include video tutorials with adult content, viewer discretion is advised? Maybe you should write a book or offer to provide apprentice training for SO's of other expats who have had a difficult time with their own training.

 

Here's how you handle this allowance thing. Give her 500 pesos a day, then the two of you go out for something to eat and some drinks. Tell her you have no money because you gave her all you have so she has to pay the bill. She feels good that she gets 500 a day. She feels good that she is the one to handle the money. You feel good because it essentially costs you nothing.

 

The fact of the matter is the majority of girls in the PI are both pressured by their families to get money from their foreigner guy and also feel a responsibility to help their families if they don't have a job. I don't see that as a form of prostitution, more of one of necessity. Who are we to think those cute young chicks like us old farts for our looks. Get real.
There are no free lunches.

 

Congrats. You get the award for most bat-sh*t crazy thing I have heard for today.

 

What if...

• You met her at Toscino Country.
• You were introduced by some lady who went by the name "Mommasan".
• Your first date was at a short time hotel.
• She was so shy to ask for her allowance that Mommasan had to collect it for her.
• She asked for her allowance every date.

I guess I was sort of going for a top 10 list like Letterman, but it didn't pan out.

 

I did not see the word "prostitution" included or implied on the thread. I have almost never met a foreigner here who has been with a prostitute. Most guys claim "I do not pay for sex" which eliminates the prostitution concept if strictly applied. However they eventually get to the point where they say, but I pay for my "lady friends" mom's (Dad, sister, cousin or whoever) hospital stay and doctors expenses; I paid for a small birthday luncheon party at a day resort for 30 family members; I built a house for the girls's parents etc. This is all part of the expected relationship here in the Philippines between Foreigners and local natives ... the dating culture.... as I see it. It is trade off program created for us to walk around with young sexy arm ornaments while the ladies end up being with "old farts for our looks" program.The good thing is that this is sort of a "pay as she goes" system, instead of the US where the divorce laws are set up so you pay forever if married for a dictated amount of time depending on state laws.

One of the reasons I came to the Philippines is because prostitution is illegal. So you know I had a smile on my face after suffering days of pent up sexual urges after my arrival when I found that there were "Mommasans", shirt tune term hotels, and "bar girls" in most cities. I have still not figured out whether I have to legally wear my M/C helmet when a bar girl drives me hooome. The implementation of laws here are so hard to figure out, particularly when they based on the color of our skin, or just the convenience of the officer of the law. However I am happy that prostitution is outlawed formally here, and just smile, keeping my helmet on so I do not do brain damage on my way hoooome against the headboard.

 

Here is some help:

No date lasts more than two hours, since the hotel lobby calls you after two hours.

Her “rum and coke” looks more like an “ice tea”.

She only has a first name when she introduces herself, but everyone else calls her by another first name when they walk by… sometimes multiply names. On the second "date" she forgets what her name was on the first date.

She says she has no children but gets a call from her “daughters” baby’s sitter.

When you asked how old she is, she quickly says “18” but can not remember what year she was born.

She lives with her “cousin” but it is Ok because he is gay.

(I guess it turned out to be the top 11.....)

 

Let the girls do the comparing of their *allowance* if they want but the good girls won't be doing so at least not unless a closer friend. But sure, its an allowance but more so because everyone should have a bit of pocket money to do what they want with be buying some cool guy toy or a cute dress she really doesn't *need*. I'm sure we all know what its like having NO money in your wallet and living day to day just hoping that the next day things are still taken care of and its NOT a fun feeling.

However I don't see a point of us foreigners going and saying *I give my girl X amount every week/month/time she performs anal... or such nonsense. Giving more or less doesn't make us a better foreigner or a worse foreigner and her receiving more/less doesn't mean she is a better or worse SO. All that matters is knowing your gal and making sure she is taken care of be it for that 2 hour hotel stay or the entire month she is with you. Allowance is showing you care about her having some form of financial freedom but how much is right/wrong depends on the foreigner and the gal and no two situations may be the same.

Now how much to give *if* that were the question. That all depends on her needs and what the foreigner provides otherwise. I've seen a couple foreigners who don't pay their gals meals when dining out and expect her to cover it from their allowance and others who don't buy their gal cloths and expect that out of the allowance. Then I've seen those who pretty much buy their gal all their needs and a fair amount of their wants as long as not insane. Each to their own after all.

Nuff Said.