⌛ Filipino Character

Not only relatives

There are SOOO MANY needs here, it's impossible to decide which people to help . After over 30 years of helping........and helping.........and helping, I finally decided - NO MORE! I was forced to that decision because generosity was starting to threaten the financial condition of my immediate family group. I feel badly that I don't help any more, even when it is desperately needed. But, dammit, isn't that God's responsibility???

Also, if the government doesn't care enough to take care of its own, why should I?

 

These negatives you've listed all apply to family. I have doubts about having in-laws anywhere, but I certainly don't want any here. Family expectations are infinitely unreasonable. That said, almost all my friends are Filipino, and I wouldn't have it any other way. If a friend has a problem I want to help with, I help. If ever I'm asked but don't want to help, I say "no". I don't use the local excuse of of claiming not to have money. I just say "Sorry, I don't loan money." Which is true. When I want to help I give without calling it lending. (Calling it a loan is a face-saving fiction.)

I've heard there are benefits to having a wife and in-laws, but I'm certain they don't compare to the benefits of not having them.

 

Maybe you are correct in some instances, but not all!

 

Having lived here a few years now as well as other Aisan countries the "filipino character" seems unique in many ways.

I think its based on me me me, selfishness and greed. This seems to be at all levels in its society, hence the corruption and complete lack of regard of those on power towards "the others".

To give give give give, is a waste of time and money. All you get in return is demands for more money. Better to say no at the begining and save the heart ache.

I have just done a loop through Vietnam, and got to say how dynamic the place is. People busy doing things making money. They suffered hardship and are now happy to prosper. The Philippines, sit on your bum and wait for some money.

 

The sad thing is if "deep pockets" (you) were not available.... they probably would take care of everything all by themselves....
I had family relatives.....whom no one had talked to in years.... come from Mindanao to ride the "cash train"..... get their cut of my wallet

As I see it.....only two ways to handle it.... give in to the robbery; or take yourself out of the equation.... but either way you and your wife must stick together.....must support the other.... otherwise it will create a riff in your relationship

I am lucky.....my wife handles those situation very well.... she pays a price for taking a hard line.... everyone in her family thinks I am a sweet guy and she is the witch.....

I am proud of her....it can not be easy coming from the Pinoy culture that puts the family first and the individual last..... the sad thing is she does a lot for her family but they never appreciate it.....to them it is "expected"..... her job

Not sure how we would handle your situation in my family.....my wife and I would have to work it out together..... possibly I would pay the bribes IF they also came to the house and did chores....cut the grass etc etc

 

No Offer!

I spoke a little while ago about the rift in our Family with regard to a Brother-in-Law not coming from Negros, Apparently, when I spoke of Kenny's Plight to them, it transpired that it was me, that had caused the Rift between the Sister-in-law and the family. I was supposed to offer a fairly large amount to pay for an operation. This is the part of the family that Don't need the lower Life in their House, Instead of offering this, we bought the Lot, Now! of course I am a selfish Ba........d! all because, I chose to look after my Future. We (I) was never asked, if I had been, I would have said no, These people have been telling the rest of the family and all their so called friends, for years, How well of they are. Odd how the skeletons come out of the Cupboards, when one of the members here, Admits there is this Trait, Flaw, Call it what you like, in a usually happy Family environment. Sad to think that we ALL, seem at some stage, have this problem. Kenny, I hope things are on the mend soon.


Jack P.

 

I couldn't help but also react after reading Kenny's post. It is the most detestable kind of people who charge for their own family members. It seems like like yes, you had the bad luck to be in that sort of family which puts a price tag to every move they make for their own kin. That's disgusting.

 

You are spot on.....there normally is no such thing as a "loan".... the word loan like you said is usually a face saving term

I was acting as a superintendent at a local school.....one of the parents asked me for a loan to pay for a test.... I loaned him P 500

The Filipinos in the office were shocked....they told me not to expect to see that P 500 anytime soon.... some even laughed at my gullibility

One month later the father walked into my office and paid the money back

I think Filipinos by culture are inclined to be honest..... to keep their word

some still retain traditional values

 

Some do still retain those traditional values. I don't have these problems with my wife's family. They have helped us as much or more than we have helped them.

Larry

 

You do know the saying here "Money over life", don't you?
I can't imagine my wife's family not giving blood unless they are paid, but watching their Mother, well, they would charge me for that if I were willing to pay them.
I do love my Mother in law and Pop is a good old guy too, but in my early years here, I was hit hard for money until I just put my foot down.
A lot of these people don't realize that foreigners in their country don't have an endless amount of money until we actually let them know the hard truth about what we really do have.
I took me 4 years and about a million Pesos to put my foot down, but once I did, I was shown more respect than what was shown to me when my pockets were bleeding cash for them.
If they understand and forgive you when you cut them off, they are worth helping when they really need it.
If they are disrespectful towards you when they are no longer in your pocket, at least you know they aren't worth your time or money.