Where's the funny stuff?

A newly married couple sit down for their first dinner made by the wife. As the husband begins eating she says, “I want you to know that meatloaf and apple pie are my two specialties”. The husband nods and says, “so which one is this”.

A guy goes into a drugstore and asks the blonde at the counter: “I would like twelve condoms please Miss”. The blonde gets red in the face and replies: “Don’t miss me!” “OK, make it thirteen then.”

 

When you have your first threesome and....

 

Men writers writing female characters:

 

Does anyone here miss winter.

NATIONAL
Shovelling snow found to be number 1 cause of Canadians muttering ‘f*ck this f*cking sh*t’ over and over
LUKE GORDON FIELD ( @LUKEMAYBEFUNNY )


Photo Credit

OTTAWA – A new study indicates that the biggest cause of Canadians repeatedly exclaiming ‘f*ck this f*cking sh*t’ is shovelling snow.

“Of all the frustrations that plague us, nothing makes us say this exact combination of words over and over again like having to shovel snow,” said Professor Theodore Faust of the University of Ottawa. “No matter their background, gender, profession or location, shovelling snow just makes Canadians say ‘f*ck this f*cking sh*t’ a whole bunch.”

“Usually followed by ‘next year I’m buying a snowblower.’ Even though they never do,” he added.

“f*ck this f*cking sh*t. f*ck this f*cking sh*t. f*ck this f*cking sh*t,” said Toronto resident Nadine Bench as she dug her car out this morning. “Oh f*ck this f*cking sh*t!” she added as a snowplow passed and added even more snow to her work.

Other factors that contribute to Canadians making that particular phrase included waking up and seeing it had snowed, driving after it snows and realizing they just finished their last bag of salt.

“It seems to be involuntary for us. Like screaming ‘come on’ at an NHL ref who can’t hear us or yelling ‘why god why? Why would you do this you cruel son of a b*tch?’ when you miss your bus,” said Faust.

Unfortunately Canadians’ torment may not be ending anytime soon. The Weather Network says to expect a heavy dumping of this f*cking bullshit again tonight, with a decent chance of heavy ‘what the f*ck is this now’ winds arriving at the same time.

 

II thought I heard everything but got a surprise when I read "see you next Tuesday" from a VIP to a lawyer.

 

BTW, the internet breaks the code on this (I had to look it up)

 

Hope that was not said in NORWICH (and there are 10 in the US).

 

This is not actually funny - it's quite sad if true:

Local condo owner wanted to renew his Business Permit and was told to supply an X-ray and urine test.

 

Wife has to give a X-RAY every year for her business permit, not sure about the urine, that's taking the Pee.

 

Old Lady And Air Bag