Where's the funny stuff?

I would like to see this at one of the crosswalks in the Dumaguete market.

 

Cats are shifty!

 

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes
That way, when you do criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

 

I walked into my bosses office and said I need a raise to stay at my job, there are three companies after me.
After haggling for awhile my boss agreed to give me 5% rise.
As I was leaving his office, he call out by the way, who were the three companies?
I replied, the Gas company, the Electric company, the Mortgage company.

 

A hungry Lion is chasing a scientist and a philosopher.
The scientist makes some quick calculations and says, It's no good trying to outrun it, It's catching up!
The philosopher keeps a little ahead and replies, I'm not trying to outrun the Lion, I'm trying to outrun you!

 

A guy goes in for a job interview and sits down with the boss,
The boss asks him "what is your worse quality? the man replies, I'm probably too honest
The boss says;"thats not a bad thing, I think being honest is a good quality"
The man replied; I care about what you think!

 

Two famous Hollywood actors met at the Psychologists door
Hi there said one to the other, Are you coming or going?
The other replied...If I knew that I wouldnt be here!