Best Posts in Thread: Where's the humor on here?

She wanted to serve her guests mushroom-smothered steak,
But she had no mushrooms and no time to buy them.
Her husband suggested, "Why don't you go pick some of the mushrooms
that are growing wild down by the stream?
"No, some wild mushrooms are poisonous."
"Well, I see squirrels eating them and they're OK."
So she picked a bunch and washed, sliced and sautéed them for her dinner.
Then she went out on the back porch and gave Spot, their dog, a double
handful.
Spot ate every bite.
All morning long, she watched the dog.
The wild mushrooms hadn't affected him after a few hours, so she decided to
use them.
The meal was a great success.
After everyone had finished, her daughter came in and whispered in her ear,
"Mum, Spot is dead."
Trying to keep her head about her, she left the room as quickly as possible,
Called the doctor and told him what had happened.
The doctor said, "That's bad, but I think we can take care of it..
I'll call for an ambulance and I'll be there as quickly as I can.
We'll give everyone enemas and we'll pump out their stomachs
and everything will be fine.
Just keep them calm."
Before long they started to hear the sirens as the ambulance tore down the
road.
The Paramedics and the doctor had their suitcases, syringes, and a stomach
pump.
One by one, they took each person into the bathroom, gave them an enema,
and pumped out their stomach.
Well after midnight, after the last one was done the doctor came out and
said,
"Everything will be okay now," and with that he left.
The hosts and the guests were all weak and knackered sitting around the
Living room when the daughter came in and said to her mum.....
"I can't believe that guy!"
"What guy?"
"You know, that b@st@rd who ran over Spot;
He never even slowed down."

Like
Comment

 

Just now ·

 

1 min ·

Like
Comment
Sh

 

A biker was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."

The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want." The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of some thing that would honor and glorify me."

The biker thought about it for some time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing is wrong, an how I can make a woman truly happy!" The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or 4 lanes in your brdige

 

4 old ladies met at a 50 years anniversary school reunion ..While one lady went to get food the 3 talked about how successful there sons had become .........lady 1 .."my son became a wealthy banker and gave his best friend a Ferrari ....lady 2 ..."my son became a pilot and now he owns an airline ...he gave his friend a helicopter" ...lady 3 ..."my son became a wealthy developer and gave his FRIEND a house."...........just then lady 4 returned with the food ..........her friends were curious about what her son did .......<"oh,my son is gay " she replied ..."he works in a gay bar "..............."oh,,you must be disappointed "" the 3 exclaimed ,,,,,,,,,,,,"no.,not at all" she answered ..."his friends gave him a Ferrari,,a helicopter and a house ""

 

I went to work on Monday morning with a terrible shiner on my right eye. At the coffee machine my mate smiled and asked, "How did you get that?" I said, "You wouldn't believe it but it happened at church yesterday". "As you know I'm catholic and we kneel for some of our prayers. Whilst I was kneeling I noticed the lady in front of me had her skirt bunched tightly in her bum crack. I know what a horrible feeling it is so, imbued with the sermon from Father Patrick, I decided to do the Christian thing and gently started to tug at the skirt to relieve her of the pressure. You wouldn’t believe it but she turned around and thumped me.

The following Monday I went to work, again with a shiner but this time it was my left eye. My mate didn’t wait for morning coffee; he came up to my desk and said “I bet you’ve got a good reason for that one” I said, “Absolutely incredible but as it should happen, I sat behind the same woman from last week and knowing how much she likes her dress shoved up her bum crack I started to push it into her bum crack when…”

 

Just Lately, we have members with Earthing of PC's if they have one of these I can understand the Problem