Best Posts in Thread: Where's the humor on here?

a policeman knocked on my door said " we've had complaints from people seeing your dog chase someone on a bike" I said " p*ss off, my dog doesn't even have a bike.

 

I'll drink to that, too!

(that's my limit, though)

nwlivewire

 

I'll drink to that!

nwlivwire

 

It was pissin down rain and there was a big puddle in front of the pub.
A ragged old bloke was standing there with a twig and bit of string dangling it into the puddle.
A tipsy- looking, curious gentleman came over to him and asked what he was doing.
'Fishing,' the old man said simply.
'Poor old fool,' the gentleman thought and he invited the old chap to a drink on him.
As he felt he should start some conversation while they were sipping their beers, the gentleman asked,
'And how many have you caught?'
you and 9 others said the old man said with a smile.

 

Suspicious Wife
Wife was sure that her husband was having sex with the maid so she laid a trap.
One evening she sent the maid home for weekend & didn't tell husband.
That night when they went to bed, the husband gave the same old story. "Excuse me my dear, my stomach is aching," and went to the bathroom.
The wife promptly went into the maid's bed. She switched the lights off.
He came in silently, and wasted no time on words but quickly started having sex.
When he finished, the wife said, "You didn't expect me in this bed, did you?" and switched on the light.........
"No Madam".... replied the watchman.

 

Good job mates! Thanks for lending a hand!
V/R,
Moo Cow

 

I wouldn't abandon my own car. Sorry. If someone is getting out, it's not going to be me. If it got to that point I would give them the option to get out or....they can shut up long enough for me to drop them someplace where it would be convenient to catch public transportation.

 

Mrs. Ravioli comes to visit her son Anthony for dinner.
He lives with a female roommate, Maria
During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't
help but notice how pretty Anthony's roommate is.

image

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact,
she started to wonder if there was more between
Anthony and his roommate than met the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, Anthony volunteered,
"I know what you must be thinking,
but I assure you, Maria and I are just roommates.''

About a week later, Maria came to Anthony saying,
"Ever since your mother came to dinner,
I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl.
You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be
sure." So he sat down and wrote an email:

Dear Mama,

I'm not saying that you "did" take the sugar bowl from my house
; I'm not saying that you "did not" take it.
But the fact remains that it has been missing ever
since you were here for dinner.
Your Loving Son,
Anthony

A few days later, Anthony received a response
email from his Mama which read:

Dear son,

I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Maria,
and I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with her.
But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed she would of found the sugar bowl by now