Best Posts in Thread: Where's the humor on here?

1. 
   
   Paul Beattie
   9 July ·
   
   
   A driver is pulled over by a policeman. The policeman approaches the drivers door.
   
   "Is there a problem, Officer?"
   
   The policeman says, "Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your license please?"
   
   The driver responds, "I'd give it to you but I don't have one."
   
   "You don't have one?"
   
   The man responds, "I lost it four times for drink driving."
   
   The policeman is shocked. "I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?"
   
   "I'm sorry, I can't do that."
   
   The policeman says, "Why not?"
   
   "I stole this car."
   
   The officer says, "Stole it?"
   
   The man says, "Yes, and I killed the owner."
   
   At this point the officer is getting irate. "You what?"
   
   "She's in the boot if you want to see."
   
   The Officer looks at the man and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes, five police cars show up, surrounding the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half-drawn gun.
   
   The senior officer says, "Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please!"
   
   The man steps out of his vehicle. "Is there a problem, sir?"
   
   "One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner."
   
   "Murdered the owner?"
   
   The officer responds, "Yes, could you please open the boot of your car please?"
   
   The man opens the boot, revealing nothing but an empty boot.
   
   The officer says, "Is this your car sir?"
   
   The man says, "Yes" and hands over the registration papers.
   
   The officer, understandably, is quite stunned. "One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving licence."
   
   The man digs in his pocket revealing a wallet and hands it to the officer. The officer opens the wallet and examines the licence. He looks quite puzzled. "Thank you, sir. One of my officers told me you didn't have a licence, stole this car, and murdered the owner."
   
   The man replies, "I bet you the lying b@st@rd told you I was speeding, too!"
   

 

WARNING! SCAM ALERT! Be on the lookout for a very pretty girl and her friend. They are hanging out around Hypermart and Robinson parking lots. When you are putting your groceries away they ask you for a ride to McDonald's.They are very convincing and very hot! Once in your car this one takes her clothes off and starts climbing all over you,while she keeps you busy, the other one takes your wallet.I've had mine taken on the 7th,8th, 10th and twice yesterday.probably two more times tomorrow. Uni Top has wallets for 70 peso, so I bought all they had. These two lovely ladys not only take your wallet, but you never even make it to McDonald's so I've already lost 5 klo.keep a lookout for them ( I find lunch time and around 5:30 the best times)

 

so that joke has been told before wow , who can remember a joke they read in 2010 . i dont go past 3 weeks back lol

 

Confucius Say...
Kiss is merely shopping upstairs,
For merchandise downstairs.

Confucius Say .. .
Better to lose a lover
Than love a loser.

Confucius Say .. .
Man with broken condom
Often called Daddy .

Confucius Say .. .
Sex is same as bank account.
You put it in, you take it out...you lose interest.

Confucius Say .. .
Viagra just like Disneyland ...
One hour wait for 5 - minute ride.

Confucius Say.
Much better to want the mate you do not have
Than to have the mate you do not want.

Confucius Say .. .
Joke is like sex.
Neither any good if you don't get it