Best Posts in Thread: Where's the humor on here?

VERN'S FUNERAL

Vern works hard but spends two nights each week bowling and plays golf every Saturday.

His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Vern! How ya doing?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.

"Oh no," says Vern. "He's in my bowling league."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Vern if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"

"She's also a waitress at the golf club. I always have a Bud at the end of the round, honey."

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Vern, starts to rub herself all over him and says... "Hi, Vern. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"

Vern's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Vern follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.

Vern tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.

She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book.

The cabby turns around and says, 'Geez, Vern, you picked up a real witch this time!'

VERN'S FUNERAL WILL BE HELD THIS COMING FRIDAY

 

Teacher asked the class Who can name 3 kings that did great things to improve our lives.Tommy stood up and called out Drin king, Smo king, Bon king

 

I know we try to answer a lot of questions on here, but these are the questions for the older generation, you always want to ask but were afraid because the Asawa may be around.

Q:Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the bible... Is that true? Where can it be found?
A:Yes. Matthew 14:92: "And Mary rode Joseph's @ss all the way to Egypt..."

Q:What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?
A:Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you're done, you will have a place to live.

Q:How can a young lady increase the heart rate of her over-60 year-old BF?
A:Tell him you're pregnant.

Q:Where can single men over the age of 60 find younger women who are interested in them in Dumaguete?
A:Try the National Bookstore, under scamers. Or go to" Why Not", and hang a 1000 P bill out of your pocket.. they will find you.

Q:How can you avoid that terrible curse of seeing the elderly wrinkles?
A:Take off your glasses, or stop looking in the mirror.

Q:Why should 60-plus year old people use Valet parking?
A:Valets don't forget where they parked their car.

Q:Is it common for 60-plus year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?
A:Storing memory is not a problem, Retrieving it is the problem.

Q:As people age, do they sleep more soundly?
A:Yes, but usually in the afternoon.

Q:Where should 60-plus year olds look for eye glasses?
A:On their foreheads.

Q:What is the most common remark made by 60-plus year olds when they enter antique stores?
A:"Gosh, I remember these!"

SMILE, You've still got your sense of humor!

 

A man walked up tp a guy in a bar and said i had sex with your mum it was great , every one steped back excepting all hell to break loose,the guy took no notice and just kept drinking. the man wandered out only to return an hour later. He walked up to the same guy and said i just had sex with your mum again ha ha ha the guy looked up and said GO HOME DAD YOUR DRUNK

 

Boy, my olympic condoms arrived today i think i wear the gold one tonight. Girl, why dont you wear silver and come second for a change

 

A little Request my friends!

Good morning Guys and Gals, Lots of Good Jokes this Morning Nice to see them But can I just ask. If it is a joke that really needs no conversation?
Can we put it on the next Reply spot in the "Where's the Humour on here" Thread as this is. This will keep unnecessary New Threads that some are not Interested in down a little and keep the main Page a little less Cluttered.

BTW the thread is in the Funny Stuff Forum and is marked Sticky so is fairly easy to Find.

Thank You my friends.

JP

 

A cheaper alternative to the Philippines:

No NURSING HOME FOR us!!!

No nursing home for us. We'll be checking into a Holiday Inn!

With the average cost for a nursing home care costing $188.00 per day,
there is a better way when we get old and too feeble .
I've already checked on reservations at the Holiday Inn.
For a combined long term stay discount and senior discount, it's $59.23 per night.
Breakfast is included, and some have happy hours in the afternoon.
That leaves $128.77 a day for lunch and dinner in any restaurant we want, or
room service, laundry, gratuities and special TV movies.
Plus, they provide a spa, swimming pool, a workout room,
a lounge and washer-dryer, etc.
Most have free toothpaste and razors, and all have free shampoo and soap.
No property tax bill
No gas bill
No electric bill
No water bill
$10 worth of tips a day you'll have the entire staff scrambling to help you.
They treat you like a customer, not a patient.
There's a city bus stop out front, and seniors ride free.
The handicap bus will also pick you up (if you fake a decent limp)

 

Obvously we need some Roos or something here quickly in Dumaguete as the forum is starting to get a little rank.... lol

@alex
@Jack Peterson