Best Posts in Thread: Where's the humor on here?

I know you have all been waiting for these

• Man who wants pretty nurse must be patient.

• Passionate kiss, like spider's web, leads to undoing of fly.

• Lady who goes camping with man must beware of evil intent.

• Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.

• Man who runs in front of car gets tired, but man who runs behind car gets exhausted.

• War does not determine who is right; it determines who is left.

• Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

• It takes many nails to build a crib, but only one screw to fill it.

• Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.

• Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

 

Not sure I really agree with this being a born'n'bred Aussie, but here goes...

An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the world. So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to Orlando, thinking that he would start by working his way across the USA from South to North.
On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs, when he noticed a golden telephone
mounted on the wall with a sign that read '$10,000 per call'.
The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by, what the telephone was used for.
Priest replied that it was a direct line to Heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God.
The American thanked the priest and went along his way.
Next stop was in Atlanta . There, at a very large Cathedral, he saw the same looking golden telephone with the same sign under it. He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in Orlando and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was.
She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 he could talk to God.
'O.K., thank you,' said the American.
He then traveled all across America , Europe, England, Japan , New Zealand ... In every church he saw the same golden telephone, with the same '$US10,000 per call' sign under it.
The American decided to travel to Australia to see if Australians had the same phone.
He arrived at Brisbane in Australia and again, in the first church he entered, there was the same looking golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read, '40 cents per call.'
The American was surprised, so he asked the priest about the sign. 'Father, I've traveled all over the world and I've seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven, but in all of them, the price was $10,000 per call. Why is it so cheap here?'
The priest smiled and answered, 'You're in Australia now, son - "This is Heaven," so it's a local call'.

 

After a long day on the golf course, I stopped
in at Flips to see some friends and have
some hot Wings and ice tea.
After being there for a while, one of my friends
asked me which waitress I would like to be stuck
in an elevator with.
I told him "The one who knows how to fix elevators".
I'm old, I'm tired, and I pee a lot.

 

Just a Thought Who needs a diet when games can help

 

I feel sorry for people who don't have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor.
-Anonymous-

 

Thought of the day:



Just saying

 

Three guys travel to Saudi Arabia and get lost. They walk into a tent that they think was the one they rented, but actually belongs to a prince with 3 hot wives. The prince comes home and thinks his wives are cheating on him. As a punishment, he tells them that their penises will have to be cut off in some way relating to their occupation.
He asks the first guy what his job was.
"I'm an employee at the shooting range," he replies.
"Then we'll shoot your dick off!" the prince says.
"I'm a fireman," the second guy says.
"Then we'll burn your cock off!" says the prince.
The third guy smiles and says, "I'm a lollipop salesman."