Where's the humor on here?

When Farah Fawcett died & went to heaven, she met God & he gave her 1 wish. She asked God for all the children of the world to be safe. So God killed Michael Jackson!!

 

Very cynical Rhoody but also very funny. I'll have to e-mail that one to my friends.

 

Wrong E-mail addy

An Illinois man left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day.

When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her email address, he did his best to type it in from memory.

Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream and fell to the floor in a dead faint. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

DEAREST WIFE: JUST GOT CHECKED IN. EVERYTHING PREPARED FOR YOUR ARRIVAL TOMORROW.
P.S. SURE IS HOT DOWN HERE.

 

An old man in his mid-eighties struggles to get up from the couch then starts putting on his coat.
His wife, seeing the unexpected behavior, asks, 'Where are you going?'
He replies, 'I'm going to the doctor.'
She says, 'Why, are you sick?'
He says, 'Nope, I'm going to get me some of that Viagra stuff.'

Immediately the wife starts working and positioning herself to get out of her rocker and begins to put on her coat.
He says, 'Where the heck are you going'?
She answers, 'I'm going to the doctor, too.'
He says, 'Why, what do you need?'
She says, 'If you're going to start using that rusty old thing, I'm getting a Tetanus shot!'

 

Keith Richards found hugging Jackson’s dead body in the morgue while screaming “TAKE ME WITH YOU! TELL ME HOW YOU DID IT!”

Someone should get Mr T on the phone and do a wellness check.

As we mourn, we should remember that the biggest problem still lies ahead: sorting the various grades of recyclable plastic on Michael.

Old Navy just announced a Michael Jackson Memorial Sale: for the next week boy’s pants are half off.

The Hamburger Helper glove is probably going to wear glitter and act all sad at Michael Jackson’s memorial. Opportunistic wh*re.

This has been a hell of a month for transformers…

Farrah and Michael: It’s been a bad day for white folks.


I hope I do not rot in hell for disrespecting the dead....

 

"What's especially sad is that most people of a certain generation only know Michael Jackson as a crazy guy who had a lot of plastic surgery -- whereas the truth is, he was not only an unbelievably talented, groundbreaking performer, he also helped break down the racial prejudice in this country. He was an extremely powerful symbol -- a black performer who whites could relate to and then later in life, a white performer who blacks could relate to."

-Jimmy Kimmel

 

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde.

The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license.. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

"What does it look like?" she finally asked.

The policewoman replied, "It's square - and it has your picture on it."

The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman.

"Here it is", she said.

The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying,
"Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."

 

Ha Ha good one mate.

 

DRIVER'S LICENSE TELLS ALL

A mother is driving a little girl to her friend's house for a play date.
'Mommy,' the little girl asks, 'how old are you?'
'Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,' the mother replied.
'It's not polite.'
'OK', the little girl says, 'How much do you weigh?'
'Now really,' the mother says, 'those are personal questions and are really none of your business.'
Undaunted, the little girl asks, 'Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?'
'That is enough questions, young lady, honestly!'
The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.
'My Mom won't tell me anything about her,' the little girl says to her friend.
'Well,' says the friend, 'all you need to do is look at her drivers license. It is like a report card, it has everything on it.'
Later that night the little girl says to her mother, 'I know how old you are, you are 32.'
The mother is surprised and asks, 'How did you find that out?
'I also know that you weigh 140 pounds.'
The mother is past surprised and shocked now.
'How in heaven's name did you find that out?'
'And,' the little girl says triumphantly,'I know why you and daddy got a divorce.'
'Oh really?' the mother asks. 'Why?'
'Because you got an F in sex'

 

63 years old and pregnant

A woman went to the emergency room, where she was seen by a young, new doctor. After about 3 minutes in the examination room, the doctor told her she was pregnant.

She burst out of the room and ran down the corridor screaming. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was. After listening to her story, he calmed her down and sat her in another room.

Then the doctor marched down the hallway to the first doctor's room.

"What the hell's wrong with you?" he demanded. "This woman is 63 years old, she has two grown children and several grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?"

The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and without looking up said, "Does she still have the hiccups?"