Where's the humor on here?

Nice one! :D:D:D

 

Why are all Filipina

Part computer?.
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Because they all have an "intel" inside.

 

From: Australian Court Docket, #12659---CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.

The case came up in court.

The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself. The man replied, "Well your Honor, it was like this, when the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat down under a sign that said, 'The Double Mint Twins are coming' and I grinned. Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, ' Logan 's Liniment will reduce the swelling,' and I had to smile. Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, "William's Big Stick Did the Trick," and I could hardly contain myself. But, Your Honor, when She moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, 'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident'... I just lost it."

"CASE DISMISSED!"

 

Rhoody: Daisy, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
Daisy: No Papa, I don't have to,you know that Mama is a good cook.

 

Why Italian Grandfathers pass their handguns down through the family


An old Italian Mafia Don is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside. "Elio, I wanna you lissina me. I wanna you to take-a my chrome plated .38 revolver so you will always remember me."

"But grandpa, I really don't like guns. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?"

"You lissina me, boy. Somma day you gonna be runna DA business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos "

"Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man.

"Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, 'Time's Up'?"

 

Read the instructions

I bought a deodorant stick today.
I'd never used one before, so I read the instructions.
They said 'Remove top and slowly push up bottom'
I'm in Casualty at the moment, but my farts smell lovely!!!

 

lOL....

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl.
Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.
The lawyer said that getting a divorce could depend on the circumstances,and asked him the following questions:

"Have you any grounds"?

"Yes, an acre and half and nice little home".

"No, I meant what is the foundation of this case"?

It's made of concrete

"I don't think you understand.

Does either of you have a real grudge"?

"No, we have carport, and not need one".

I mean, what are your relations like?

"All my relations still in Poland".

"Is there any infidelity in your marriage"?

"We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player".

"Does your wife beat you up"?

"No, I always up before her".

"Is your wife a nagger"?

"No, she white".

"Why do you want this divorce"?

"She going to kill me".

"What makes you think that"?

"I got proof".

"What kind of proof"?
"She going to poison me.
She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom.
I can read, and it say: "Polish Remover"
:D

 

A catheter

Nurse: sir, the doctor prescribe that we need to put you into catheter you haven't pee for two days now.

Patient: you people is crazy ! why you always want my penis extended to the floor everytime i wont pee this not long enough for you ?

Nurse: we are sorry sir we only want to monitor your urine
and see if you have some infection.

Patient: you don't understand either, the reason why i haven't pee for two days it's because i haven't drink beer for two days now.

 

WW II Joke

Norwegian joke

Sven, a Norwegian pilot during World War II, was being interviewed on TV. He had been asked about the day he shot down 7 German airplanes.
'Well, Oi was jus flyin' aloong when suddenly Oi see this fokker flyin' oop at me,' explained Sven in his native accent. 'Oi looked aroun' and saw there woos another fokker off me right wing and then two fokkers off me left wing. There was a fokker behin' me, and two fokkers comin' doon at me.'
At this point the interviewer interjected, 'Perhaps I should explain to our viewing audience that a Fokker is a kind of German aircraft.'
'Ja,' said Sven. 'That, too. But these fokkers were flying Messerschmidts.'

 

Can't beat a good FOKKER joke.